Goldfish Memories

How Sarah Made a Big Mess

2009-09-07T20:47:00.000-07:00

It's not as if she lost faith in the promise.
She had forgotten it belonged to her.
She knew that Abraham would father a nation.
She never doubted that.
But she was impatient,
And walking to the market she would see them,
with their bundles of wiggly flesh
And wonder, why should the wait be so,
so,
Long . . .
everlong.
And why she should be so old.
And when her time was passed,
She began to believe that the promise
was not hers, but Abraham's alone.
So she thought,
"No. I'll not wait my whole life to see this thing,
this promise come to be and then die before it's so!
It's not as if Abraham is perfect.
'Tell them you're my sister.'
Fine mess that got us into.
This time maybe we should go with MY idea.
And if . . .if it's not to be me . . .
(Oh, is God just waiting till I'm dead?
Surely Abraham is, by now.)
If it's to be someone else anyway,
Why shouldn't I choose?
Get to see it!
At least the beginning
and hear the tiny cries,
count tiny toes,
and stare into tiny eyes.
After all, it is so easy.
Hagar is right here . . . "
But, when the plan was complete,
The constant reminder was too much to bear.
"Father a nation, will you!"
And she never imagined the tiny cries
would carry to her soul
"Too old! Useless! Not yours!"
And while the pain of the exclusion
sunk into her bones
and filled her with hatred
where she thought love would be
she was still the mother of a promise,
a start-up nation,
and the beginning of the biggest plan ever devised.
The promise was still hers, as it had always been.
She could have loved Ishmael,
welcomed Hagar with open arms,
but HER promise still remained unfilled.
And she finally remembered it was hers.
Coming back in humility from self-doubt.

You Say It's Your Birthday. . . It's My Birthday Too!

2009-09-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

Today is my 33rd birthday. In honor of this momentous occasion, I was curious to find out who I share a birthday with.

Engelbert Humperdinck was born on this day in 1854. That's the composer of the opera, Hansel and Gretel, not Arnold George Dorsey, the singer, who just goes by that name. Although, if I were choosing a name for myself that would be a fun one. (Although, I like William F. Buckley better.) It's fun to say.

Edgar Rice Burroughs was born on September 1, 1875. Of course, Mr. Burroughs gave us Tarzan, for which we are eternally grateful. What would the world be like without all the bad acting that Tarzan has spawned over the years, not to mention the loin-cloths?

Richard Farnsworth was born on this day in 1920. Mr. Farnsworth was in quite a lot of westerns uncredited from the late 1930's until the late 70's . He was in The Outlaw Josey Wales which came out the same year I was born. He won an Academy Award in 1999 for the movie, The Straight Story. He also was in Anne of Green Gables.

Boxcar Willie & Conway Twitty also share my birthday so you know I can't help but love old country music.

Lily Tomlin was born on this day in 1939. In my research on this, I found out she is a lesbian. I didn't know that before, but then I have never paid much attention to Lily. But I did enjoy her performance in All of Me and I liked her in The Ant Bully.

Dr. Phil McGraw was born on this day in 1950.

Billy Blanks (the fitness guru) was born on September 1, 1955. He doesn't seem that old. Now that I know this, I will have to try Tae-Bo. Stay on my good side. I'll soon be able to kick your booty.

Gloria Estefan was born on this day in 1957. She doesn't seem like she should be that old either. Remember when she broke her back and wasn't able to "do that Conga" for awhile? I've always enjoyed hearing her sing. Her ballads are especially good.

Finally, Marcos Ambrose and I are exactly the same age. For those who don't follow NASCAR, Marcos drives the #47 Little Debbie/Clorox/Kingsford Toyota in the Sprint Cup series. He's pretty new to the series, but he has a lot of potential.

Just a few notable names, in case it being MY birthday wasn't enough for you.

I Am . . .

2009-08-25T07:34:00.000-07:00

Some would say "lucky"
but I know the word is "blessed."
As unsure of my direction as Abram
as doubtful of provision, and
as worldly as Lot.
I know that I could very well laugh at a miracle (like Sarah),
be struck dumb for doubting the obvious (Zacharias).
I can be as sly as Jacob
and as angry as Esau (even when it's mostly my fault).
As proud as Joseph
and as guilty as Moses (and every bit as forgiven!)
I know that I complain like Job (not really patient)
and run like Jonah (I'm not brave at all)
I fly off the handle like Peter.
I am as devious and untrue as Judas (but not despairing)
and as complacent as Pilot.
But I am as amazed as Mary.
And sometimes as doubtful as Thomas.
But I know that I am as loved as John.
As loved as you--
And as loved as the world
"that He sent His only begotten Son, that whosoever. . . "
could know I Am.

Divine Appointments

2009-06-29T07:57:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to an e-mail devotional that is written by one of my heroes, Max Lucado. Last Friday the devotion was titled, "My Message Is About Him" and it detailed the fact that so often we let our need for affirmation and desire for applause become our focus. In reality, the work we do is God's work and we are blessed that He allows us to take part in what He is accomplishing. It's not about us, it's about Him. So running with that thought, here is some scripture (and commentary) I thought I would share.

Matthew 9:37-38 tells us, "then saith he unto his disciples, the harvest truly is plentious but the laborers are few: pray ye therefore the Lord of the harvest, that he will send forth laborers into his harvest.

Notice that the harvest is ready. We are not told who prepared the field, planted it, or watered it, but that is okay. We know who has prepared this harvest for us. We are invited to labor in the harvest. The fruit is already ripe and ready. We do not need to do any further preparation, we merely need to trust "the Lord of the harvest" that He will send us where we should go.

Also, notice that He says "the laborers are few" To me, this means that there are many who are truly seeking the fields prepared for them. I think sometimes we plan to work in this great harvest, but end up in the wrong field. We need to be prayerfully open to our work assignments and willing to go where we are sent, not necessarily where it is convenient to go.

Consider Jonah for a minute. He was willing to deliver God's message, until it took him to Ninevah. What's your Ninevah? You can bet, if you have a Ninevah, God's going to send you there.

Now turning to Acts.

Acts 8:26-29--And the angel of the Lord spake unto Philip, saying, Arise, and go toward the south, unto the way that goeth down from Jerusalem unto Gaza, which is desert. And he arose and went: and behold a man of Ethiopia, a eunuch of great authority under Candace queen of the Ethiopians, who had the charge of all her treasure, and had come to Jerusalem for to worship, was returning, and sitting in his chariot read Esaias, the prophet. Then the Spirit said unto Philip, Go near, and join thyself to this chariot.

First of all, Philip is receptive and responsive to the Spirit's urging. I think we fall short of this often because we put things off. We'll do it later. The scripture above doesn't say that Philip waited. God had set up this appointed place and time for the Ethiopian to be waiting. I believe He even led the Ethiopian to that particular scripture. So when the Spirit urged him, he went.

Acts 9:8-16--And Saul arose from the earth; and when his eyes were opened, he saw no man: but they led him by the hand, and brought him into Damascus. And he was three days without sight, and neither did eat nor drink. And there was a certain disciple at Damascus, named Ananias; and to him said the Lord in a vision, Ananias. And he said, Behold I am here, Lord. And the Lord said unto him Arise and go into the street which is called Straight, and inquire in the house of Judas for one called Saul, of Tarsus; for behold he prayeth. And hath seen in a vision a man named Ananias coming in, and putting his hand on him, that he might receive his sight. Then Ananias answered, Lord, I have heard by many of this man, how much evil he hath done to thy saints at Jerusalem: and here he hath authority from the chief priests to bind all that call on thy name. But the Lord said unto him, Go thy way; for he is a chosen vessel unto me, to bear my name before the Gentiles, and kings and the children of Israel; for I will show him how great things he must suffer for my name's sake.

Again, we see Ananias walking into a situation fully prepared by God. Saul has been placed in this position and humbled sufficiently to bring him the knowledge of the truth. All Ananias was required to do in this situation was to show up. God had already told Saul who to look for. Ananias simply had to obey.

Acts 10: 30-33--And Cornelius said, Four days ago I was fasting until this hour; and at the ninth hour I prayed in my house, and behold a man stood before me in bright clothing, and said Cornelius, thy prayer is heard, and thine alms are had in remembrance in the sight of God. Send therefore to Joppa and call hither Simon, whose surname is Peter; he is lodged in the house of one Simon a tanner by the sea side: who when he cometh, shall speak unto thee. Immediately therefore I sent to thee; and thou hast well done that thou art come. Now therefore are we all here present before God, to hear all things that are commanded thee of God.

This is probably my favorite passage of them all, because knowing the history here, we find God working on both sides of the conversation this time. Not only does he prepare Cornelius for the message Peter is bringing, he prepares Peter to bring it.

We must remember that our responsibility is to remain open to the Holy Spirit's guidance in our lives and follow His lead.

Finally, all the glory goes to God. Like I said in the beginning, it's about Him.

I Corinthians 3:6--I have planted, Apollos watered; but God gave the increase.

Satan Is Buying a Snow-Suit Today.

2009-06-16T08:51:00.001-07:00

I never, never, never-ever, never, never, never, never, never, never-ever thought that I would be saying this but, I agree with Bill Maher on something. Don't get me wrong. Bill Maher tops my list of people I cannot stand. But for once in his miserable, smug, wrong-headed little life he's picked up on something.

Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.

(I don't agree with all of this, mind you. For example, I think it is ridiculous for anyone as self-important as this jerk to call President Bush "smug.")

Bill Maher criticizes Obama

Bill has pegged one of my biggest problems with this president from the first time I ever heard his name. Obama is a candidate and a politician--he is not a LEADER. In his entire career he has done nothing but campaign. He is still campaigning and as long as the MSM is asking him his opinion on anything and everything that happens in the world, he will continue to be on TV everytime you turn it on.

"President Obama, reports are coming in that Kim Jong-il has forgotten to brush his teeth this morning. What is your opinion of proper oral care for evil dictators?"

"Well, I believe that universal tooth care is essential for everyone. So, I have, with congress' help, borrowed another go-zillion dollars from China to purchase the ADA and will begin immediately to pull everyone's teeth and replace them with highly efficient, self-cleaning, solar-powered dentures. We cannot impose our oral hygeine on other countries. But we can lead the way."

Obama can give a speech. He can make an appearance on the Tonight Show. He can make the presidency look glamorous and hip. But what he cannot do is think of any solutions to our problems than getting us further and further into a debt we cannot repay and a government so big that our freedom disappears.

People like him because he is the rock star of the political world. He's living large and as long as we see him eating hamburgers and playing with his dog, there's the illusion that he's not completely screwing everything up.

Every move he makes is calculated to either win the office or keep the office. He's not really even all that concerned with getting anything done at all. He just wants you to like him and keep voting. For that matter, let him eat cheeseburgers, and play frisbee on theWhite House lawn all he wants. In my opinion if he wants to stay on vacation for his entire term, at least he wouldn't be ruining America.

And, as idiotic as it is, Bill Maher will vote for Obama again in 3 1/2 years whether he's actually accomplished anything or not and in spite of the giant mess he's already made. In 4 1/2 years, (if Obama is elected again), Bill again will be complaining about him. (Proverbs 27:20)

And Joe Biden was right (again, not sure I ever thought I would say this). There is coming a day when Obama will have to prove what he is made of. That situation has not come as quickly as dear Joe-Bob predicted, but it will come. And you can believe when that day comes, no one will like the outcome.

(By the way, Joe Biden is Obama's life insurance policy. Nobody's ever going to try to assasinate him as long as Biden is next in line. The Secret Service might as well take a vacation.)

Perhaps though, people will learn from all this that it is important who our leaders are, that not everyone can be trusted and that popularity is not nearly as important as substance.

We need to begin praying now that a good leader will emerge.

Forethought

2009-05-12T13:59:00.000-07:00

Dictionary.com defines forethought as: noun
1. thoughtful provision beforehand; provident care; prudence.
2. a thinking of something beforehand; previous consideration; anticipation.

In practical terms forethought means:

Do not be surprised that people will dig into your past when you answer a controversial question with a controversial answer at a beauty pageant.
Don't be shocked when the private school you attend suspends you for going to another school's prom, when the rules of your school were clearly explained to you from the beginning.
Prepare yourself for the reality that a man with 8 children and an insane wife could be tempted to be unfaithful (no matter how cute the kids are or how famous the family is.) I hate that show by the way.

Ever since I was little, I've been a planner. I like to know what's coming next. I like to be prepared, so I'm not sure what's gone awry when people seem surprised that their actions have consequences. There is an order to things. All living things respond to stimuli and the response can be calculated by simply watching the subject of the stimuli a little while.

That is not to say that I'm never surprised. There are some situations that leave you scratching your head from time to time. But if it walks like a duck and it quacks, you can proably lead it to water and watch it swim.

Okay. Rant's over now. I feel better.

Inventors Wanted

2009-04-23T09:43:00.001-07:00

I have a few ideas for inventions and I need someone to help me develop some prototypes. Let me know if you can help me or know someone who can.

1. Lip Balm that comes when you call it. It seems inevitable that everytime I sit down to enjoy a little television after the girls have gone to bed, my lips will start to burn and feel dry. I don't want to get up to find my lip balm and I don't want my lips to hurt. So I feel there should be a real market for lip balm that will come to you when you need it. Surely, in this day of ever emerging technology, we can develop some kind of lip balm that senses when your lips are dry. After all, they have vacuum cleaners that work unattended now.

Of course, if you can figure out a way to make lip balm come to you, you probably could use that technology for virtually anything. People would never have to get up for anything ever again. We'd all be horribly fat, but extremely comfortable.

2. An Internet Site that will recognize portions of songs when they are hummed.
I love You Tube because I can pull up any song if I can remember the title or name of the artist. But sometimes, I can't remember either of that. All I can remember is the basic tune. So, I need something that will respond to me humming.

**Extra bonus points if you can identify this song is--Hm! Hmm-hm. Hm-mm-mm. Hmm-hm. Hmm-hm. Hm! Hmm-hm. Hm-mm-mm. Hmm-hm. Hmm-hm.

3. Bad breath alarm. This would some sort of device that would signal to anyone within a 20 foot range that the wearer has bad breath. It could say something like, "Do not approach without mints, gum or a gas-mask!" Since people with chronic bad-breath don't seem to ever realize it, maybe it could shock them a little until they brush their teeth, or apply some other breath-freshening tool.

4. Wrist Tissue Dispenser. For the child who constantly has a runny nose and feels compelled by some unseen evil force to drag their sleeve across their nose a million times a day. Dispenses a fresh tissue after each wipe.

5. Fanny-Pack Trash Can. Accessory to the wrist tissue dispenser. Also would cure "Here Mommy" syndrome. ("Here Mommy" Syndrome: A childhood affliction that causes children to hand you any variety of nastiness they can find. This tends to flare up at important formal social events and while you are driving. One of my children actually picked a dried booger and handed it to me while suffering from this. The worst part is that I didn't immediately identify what it was she had given me. That's been a couple of years ago and I'm still a little grossed out.)

6. Incriminating Gum. This gum would not only be flavorful, but would adhere to the face of anyone who attempted to dispose of it improperly alien-style. Will not stick to shoes, sidewalks, or the underside of desks, but almost impossible to remove from the face.

7. Bed-side Water Bottle. Just like the one in your guinea pig's cage, but for your five-year-old.

8. Washer-Dryer Combo. My dad and I have actually talked about developing a prototype for this one. I want a washing machine that will move the clothes immediately to the dryer unit when they are done washing. Why should I have to transfer them over? This also needs a sensor that will identify items of clothing that cannot be dried in the dryer and hang those up for you. It would also be great if it would sort light and dark colors, pick appropriate water temperatures, fold and put away or hang up the clothes when the dryer is done. Thanks.

9. Foot in Mouth Alarm. An alarm only you can hear that tells you when you are about to say something you will regret for the next 15 years. Also controls inappropriate laughter.

10. Auto-Blogger. Writes blog-posts for you based on your own uniquely weird ideas. For people who want to maintain a blog, and have great thoughts but somehow fail to actually write them.

11. Detachable Arm. Perfect for mothers, a fully functional arm that will carry things, open doors, find keys, and also be removable so you can find some way to get comfortable. Extendable, to reach children in the backseat. Available in addition to current pair of arms, or have current arms modified.

12. Impatient Idiot Puncher. I have wanted one of these on our doorbell at work for as long as we have had it. We have one person (she works here, in fact), that cannot wait for someone to open the door. She rings the doorbell repeatedly and does not wait a reasonable amount of time for someone to answer. I want a fist to punch her in the nose when she doesn't wait at least 30 seconds before ringing again.

If you know that any of these things already exist, please let me know where I can get them. I'm sure you probably have more ideas. Feel free to share. Together we can make a better world.

A Poem

2009-03-25T20:27:00.000-07:00

Just because you always remember seeing something

Doesn't mean it's always been there.

Doesn't mean it always will be.

If you just pass by the tree on the corner

And never sit beneath its branches

Or rake the leaves

Or take a moment to study the caterpillar on the trunk

You don't know all the things that make the tree strong

Or weak, for that matter.

When something becomes part of the scenery

It's easy to forget how valuable it is.

That's the problem with becoming a fixture.

Fixtures have to be maintained.

Fixtures aren't appreciated until they don't work properly,

Or don't work at all.

"Daddy" Is A Beautiful Word

2009-03-11T16:06:00.000-07:00

According to the reporter on the radio this afternoon, the rate of out-of-wedlock births in America is 38%. This figure is rising and will continue to rise because statistics show that single mothers often begat the same. We are locked into a downward spiral. Futhermore, more and more women are choosing this lifestyle. Through sperm donors, women are offered the option of having children without ever having to meet or cultivate a successful relationship with a man. This poses a problem--a really big one.

I could sit here and tell you a bunch of statistics about the crime rates, low grades, and general problems of children born into this kind of situation. However, what I really want to focus on is the sad fact that millions of children born in this country will never know the kind of relationship a father can give them.

I grew up with a wonderful father. My daddy is as good a man as you could ever find. He has always taken care of me, taught me things, and worried about me. He loves me unconditionally and if he knows of something I need that he can provide, I don't even have to ask. That's a great person to have in your corner. Having him to back me up all my life has given me a kind of confidence and courage I can't even begin to describe. I have two older brothers and they too enjoy a great relationship with him. He's there for us and we know it.

Of course, because of the relationship I have with Daddy, and because of the marriage my parents have, I have always had a model of what a good relationship should be. Hence, my marriage is also a very strong and beautiful thing. I am thankful everyday that the kind of perserverance that makes a marriage last 45 years and counting is what I've seen modeled all my life.

My husband is also a wonderful father. He's been completely over the moon about our girls ever since before they were born. When I was expecting Marley, he was convinced we were having a boy. He's never complained. In fact, he's never mentioned having a boy again since she was born. He's always thinking of Marley and Laney and doing things for them. (Though he gives them too much candy.)

And they love him.

And they always will.

Now, I understand that there are fathers that abuse, neglect and even abandon their children. I know that happens sometimes. But the next time you read about an abused child in the newspaper or on the web, notice that the offender is about 10 times more likely to be a step-father or boyfriend of the child's mother than the natural father of the child. It takes a very warped and twisted, evil person to harm his own child.

God meant for children to have fathers. That's why they exist in the first place. Furthermore, children learn from their parents and especially from their fathers what love is like, and what God is like. The more we remove fathers from the process of raising children, the less love they will experience.

It just goes to show how lost we get when we stray from God's path. As my brother would say, "Where are we going? And why are we in this handbasket?"

Now, call your dad and tell him you love him.

As I Would Tell it to My Children

2009-03-04T05:47:00.000-08:00

We have owned, over the past 6 years, several Children's Bibles and Bible story books. We read a Bible story almost every night before Marley and Laney go to bed. I've never been completely satisfied with any version for children I have encountered up to now. So, I've decided to start writing my own versions of some Bible stories as I would tell them myself. What follows is my version of Genesis 1 (and a little of Genesis 2). Enjoy.

Imagine a time before there was anything at all. God was, but God was all that there was. There was no such thing as light. There was no such thing as time. There was no such thing.

Since there was no such thing, God decided that it would be a great idea to make somethings.

So He started out to create the heavens and the earth. The earth started out like a lump of play-doh without any real shape at all. And the heavens, well, they were all the stuff that was not the earth.

But it was really dark.

Of course, God can see in the dark. So it didn’t really matter to Him, but He thought it would be cool to brighten things up a bit since He was getting ready to make all kinds of cool things to see. So God said, “Let there be light.”

And there was. Cause He’s God and He can just say stuff and it happens. And God saw the light He had made and He said, “That’s really cool. It’s good to have light.”

And since now there was dark and light, God told them to take turns. He called the light’s turn—daytime. He called the dark’s turn—nighttime. There was nighttime and daytime and that was the 1st day that ever was.

Then God decided that he would make the sky. He decided it should be blue. (I think He must have first made the color blue that day.) He decided the sky should be up over the water. That was the second day that ever was.

The next day, God decided to make beaches. So He made all the water gather up over at one place and that caused dry ground to appear. He called the dry ground “land” and the water He called “seas.” And he looked at the land and the seas He had made and He said, “That’s really cool. It’s good to have land and seas.”

Then, because He was excited over the beaches He had made, He decided to make some other things on that day. He said, "Let the land make plants"—flowers, trees, grass—all the plants you can think of He made. And He told the plants to make seeds that would make more plants just like the plants that had made the seeds in the first place. And God looked at the plants and He said, “That’s really cool. It’s good to have plants.” That was the third day that ever was.

And the next day (light and dark were taking turns really well by now), God decided to make the sun and the moon and that they should be a sign to tell when it was Spring or Winter and what day it was and what year and what time it was. And God looked at the sun and the moon and He said, “That’s really cool. It’s good to have years and seasons, and months and days, and hours, and minutes and seconds and a pretty moon and really bright sun.” That was the fourth day that ever was.

On the next day, God decided to make fish and birds to swim in His seas and fly in His skies. He made them all colors and sizes and kinds. Some are beautiful and some are not, but God made them all. He taught the fish to swim and the birds to fly. He told the fish to have baby fish so there would be plenty of fish in the sea. He told the birds to lay eggs and have baby birds so there would be lots and lots of birds. And God looked at the fish and the birds and He said, “That’s cool. It’s good to have fish and birds.” That was the fifth day that ever was.

Then, God decided to make zebras, puppies, lions, cows, porcupines, snakes, horses, rabbits, giraffes and any other kind of animal you can think of and any kind that you can’t. He taught the cow to say, “Moo” and the lion to roar, and the giraffe to be really quiet. He told them all to have babies and make sure there would always be a lot more of them. He made lots of animals and He made them all different, so He really used His imagination. He looked at all the animals and He said, “Animals are cool. It’s good to have animals.”

Later that same day, God was thinking about all the stuff He had made. The light was like Him, sort of –it was bright. The sky was like Him, sort of—it was big. The land was like Him, sort of--it was solid and strong. The plants were like Him, sort of—they were alive and growing. The sun and the moon were like Him, sort of—they put things in order. The fish and birds and animals were like Him, sort of—they could move all around. All the things God had made were good, but none of them were made like God. None of them knew how to make things, or choose things, or how to enjoy the other things God had made, or how to love.

God decided He wanted to make something really special. So He made people. He started with Adam. He shaped him from the dust and breathed on Him. Then He told Adam to take care of everything He had made and name all the animals and eat from the plants. He let people have choices. He let people know who had made them and all the other somethings, so they would know how to enjoy things. He taught people how to love, by loving people. He made people the most special part of all He had made, because he made people the most like Himself. And He made people so they can talk to Him and enjoy being with Him. God saw the people He had made and He said, “They are really cool. It’s good to have people.” That was the sixth day that ever was.

The next day, God decided to take a day and enjoy all the somethings He had made. He rested. That was the seventh day that ever was.

And that was the first week that ever was.

Futility

2009-02-20T05:40:00.000-08:00

I started to write a post about how useless and inane the news stories of the day are today. But I realized that I would just be giving more attention to useless and inane stories. If it's a waste of time--it's a waste of time to write about it too.

Instead, here are few quotes from some of my favorite comedians/philosophers to brighten your Friday. Enjoy.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.--Steven Wright

When I was born my mom said they threw away the mold, of course, some of it grew back.--Emo Phillips

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.--Mitch Hedberg

I have a friend who has reverse turret's syndrome--random people just shout obcenities at him for no reason.--Emo Phillips

I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.--Mitch Hedberg

I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time. --Steven Wright

I once saw a forklift lifting a crate of forks. And it was way too literal for me.--Mitch Hedberg

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."--Emo Phillips

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.--Mitch Hedberg

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.--Steven Wright

I don't know if I was put on this earth for a purpose, but I'm fairly confident I'll be taken off of it for one.--Emo Phillips

I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock.--Henny Youngman

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.--George Carlin

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.--Jerry Seinfeld

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.--Chris Rock

I walked by a dry-cleaners at 3:00 in the morning and there was a sign on the door that said, "Sorry, We Are Closed." I was like, "Don't be sorry, it's 3:00 in the morning, you're a dry-cleaners...there is no need to apologize--Mitch Hedberg

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.--Steven Wright

Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.--Jerry Seinfeld

Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.--George Carlin

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.--Emo Phillips

Why I Wouldn't Want to Be An Octuplet

2009-02-12T12:48:00.000-08:00

Octuplets are large weird looking things with lots of arms that live in the water. I looked them up on wikipedia. They have suction cups all over their arms. They have beaks--beaks! Can you imagine being pecked by one of these things! They have weird, gooky-looking eyes that can see very well in low-light, but couldn't enjoy watching Grey's Anatomy so much, because they can't see colors.

Their parents are not involved in any aspect of raising them whatsoever. The fathers die shortly after mating (not much for stamina, maybe they need to eat more oysters). The mothers die shortly after giving birth, probably from exhaustion from having to try to dress something with that many arms. After birth, they float around amongst the plankton, etc.--basically living as wards of the state until they are big enough to float to the bottom of the ocean and become nature's aquarium filters.

They are extremely intelligent, but no one will ever know because the more attractive and successful sea creatures are always getting into all the good schools and beating them out for the best scholarships. In fact, many of them never even go to school. I think that's because something that ugly could be very distracting to others in the class. Come to think of it, they probably wouldn't enjoy Grey's Anatomy because they are so intelligent.

Octuplets are born, float around for awhile, mate, reproduce and die. The off-spring then repeat the process and have been doing so ever since they evolved from spider monkeys 50 million years ago. I don't think they even get internet service. They don't really cause any trouble for anyone, if you aren't plankton or whatever else they eat and as long as you leave them alone.

However, they will squirt ink whenever they get excited or angry. (I've known people who squirted worse things.) Due to this, they aren't very popular and people often confuse them for horrible things, like squid, eels, and Bill Maher.

In the movie, Pirates of the Carribean, Dead Man's Chest a giant octuplet ate the pirate ship and Johnny Depp at the end. But I don't think we can hold that against other octuplets because that was just a movie and I can't find anything in my extensive and exhaustive research that says they have a taste for talented, handsome-but-quirky movie actors that live in France, as a general rule. Come to think of it, people other than Johnny Depp that fit that description would be very hard to find. So most of us are pretty safe even if that is something octuplets might like to eat. At any rate, they don't usually get that big. I think the one in that movie must have been on steroids. That explains alot--the size, the rage, the professional wrestling career. But I digress.

Anyway, my point is that octuplets normally don't bother people very much. Except now, they're all over the news because a woman in California now has eight of them in addition to her six children. She is relying on her mother to help her raise the whole bunch and they all seem totally surprised at this development in their lives. I think people should be very concerned for these octuplets because they didn't ask to be brought into an unnatural situation and it isn't their fault that their caregivers are completely nuts. With all that they have counting against them, they are sure to have a difficult life ahead of them.

You should think very carefully about what is involved in raising an octuplet before you get one. You should be prepared financially, emotionally and have the proper kind of home in which to raise an octuplet. Once you have made the decision to raise octuplets, you should be prepared to have to take care of them yourself and not try to rely on interviews with Oprah or Good Morning America or getting a t.v. show on the Discovery Channel. After all, it is your decision. It should also be your responsibility.

But be warned, if you try to raise eight of them, you will be crazy by the time you are through, even if you weren't to start with.

Emerging from My Cave

2009-02-09T12:00:00.000-08:00

I took some time this afternoon to look back at some of my old posts. It was quite enjoyable. One amazing thing for me was the range of topics I have addressed here. I have covered quite a lot of ground, from my relationship with the Lord, to my opinions on news stories, to the development of my children, etc. Looking back, I did quite a bit of reflection on where I was two years ago and where I am now and I decided a couple of things.

First of all, I need to write. It's part of who I am and I have missed it. So I am back. I will try to post something at least once a week from now on. I realize that I may be simply talking to myself. That's okay. I've realized that this is one of the best ways I can find to cope. So, if it's just me, that's perfectly fine.

Secondly, my children are growing up way too fast. The last time I posted anything on my children, Marley was 4 years old. She's six years old now, halfway through kindergarten and she lost her first tooth last week. Laney has just learned to tie her shoes. These years are amazing and they are fleeting.

Third, God is my refuge and strength. From reading my previous posts this afternoon, I was struck by how brightly the thread of God's presence shows in all my life. I know I'm often not as close to him as I should be, but he's always there for me. That's an amazing fact.

So, I'll be here if anyone's interested, or not.

Finding Jesus

2007-02-28T05:29:00.000-08:00

Have you heard that James Cameron has found the body of Jesus? I'm so relieved that someone has actually found Jesus' body now and all of us idiot Christians can give up our obviously misguided and foolish belief that the Son of God is risen from the dead and pursue something worthwhile. Maybe we'll all start searching for the body of Jimmy Hoffa.

Isn't it amazing that after 2000 years, we're just now finding the body of Jesus? Lo and behold, he's buried right there in Jerusalem too? Jerusalem--right where he was crucified. Not only that, but everybody knows Jesus was really married to Mary Magdalene, so obviously, she is buried right beside him, along with another casket that bears the inscription, "Judah, son of Jesus."

James Cameron even goes so far as to tell us that "We don't have any physical record of Jesus' existence." I guess the Bible doesn't count as physical proof that Jesus existed. I guess the millions of Christians who know without a doubt that Jesus lived and died and rose again could never be counted as physical proof. Yes, Mr. Cameron, I'm glad you cleared that up for us.

Doesn't it seem unlikely that at the time that Jesus' disciples were first claiming his resurrection, Jerusalem would have been an obvious place to look for his grave? Even if the disciples were trying to hide his body, wouldn't they have hidden it better than that? And even if Jesus had not rose again, and his body were buried in Jerusalem and he had a son and a wife, do you really think that they would be buried right there with him? I think if the resurrection were a hoax, then the evidence would have had to have been hidden alot better than that.

On March 4, a film about these findings will be aired on the Discovery Channel. The filmakers had statisticians calculate the likelihood that any other family in first-century Jerusalem would have had that cluster of names--the numbers range from 1 in 100 to 1 in 1,000 that there is some other family. Okay. First of all, the name "Jesus" was very common in that time and area. Secondly, we have no indication from that Jesus was ever married and had a family. They have proven using DNA evidence that "Jesus" and "Mariamene"--Mary Magdalene--were not brother and sister, so they could have been married. What they cannot prove, is that the Jesus they have found is the Christ.

But you know what? I can't prove to you that the Jesus I've found is who He says He is either. I could tell you all the things I know are true about Him. I could sit here and tell you what a difference He's made in my life and that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he rose again and His body is not buried anywhere. He's busy in heaven preparing a place for us. But I can't prove any of that to you. That's why it's faith. That's why James Cameron could present me with all the physical proof you can fit in a warehouse and I would still laugh at him.

Better yet, let's pray for him. As Christians, let's all pray that James Cameron would find Jesus, this time for real.

New Blogger, Old Frogger, By the Way. . .

2007-02-08T07:16:00.000-08:00

I'm trying to teach Laney that when she wakes up at night, it's okay to call for Daddy. Last night, I was up with her four (count that slowly, 1-2-3-4) times. So today, I'm distracted and tired and a little ill. And tonight is band practice for Lewis, so the chances of feeling any better tomorrow are slim.

I really should be working on the Valentine Banquet Program right now. But it's been so long since I chatted with my two readers, I thought I'd write something.

Let me first say, that I do not like the forced switch to the new blogger. (I'm not sure it was completely forced, but it felt that way). Secondly, I think there is another blog out there now, with my stuff, but no posts. If you end up there, I'm sorry. (But how will you know I'm sorry if you end up there? If a tree falls in the forrest . . .)

Okay, by the way, Lewis is in a band now. He reunited with the drummer from his old band who now plays Christian music exclusively. So, yay! And also, he really needs a job (Lewis, not the drummer), because we can't possibly afford to buy a new house by next year if he doesn't get something that pays better than the pawn shop.

By the way, Lewis is working in a pawn shop now. Long story short--was laid off, collected unemployment, took a really BAD job working 12 hour rotating shifts, got fired because he was late once in the probationary period, now working at the pawn shop. The last four months, we have prayed more about Lewis' job than ever before. Pray with us please.

By the way, we bought a new computer with some money we had from selling a vehicle and now we can play really old arcade style video games at all hours of the night. Haven't looked up Frogger yet, but it rhymes with Blogger, so I used it in the title anyway. I played Pac-man for a long time the other day, and Lewis has been trying to teach Marley how to play Donkey-Kong. It's amazing to me the technology we embrace in order to play games that were available twenty-five years ago. I wonder what an ATARI would cost me now? At least we're not just playing solitaire. My father-in-law has the most expensive deck of cards I've ever seen.

By the way, it's time to file taxes again. We'll get a big return this year, if we can ever get our last W-2. Always something to wait for it seems.

By the way, I hope someone will really read this. Is there anybody out there?

Buckle Up . . . Again!

2007-01-17T10:09:00.000-08:00

Until last year, I had never watched American Idol, at all. I had a friend at work who got wrapped up in it the first couple of seasons. But until last year, we didn't get Fox and I didn't know what I was missing. One night, just flipping through channels, I came across the early auditions. By the end of the season, I was totally hooked.

My favorite last season was and is Elliot Yamin. But early in the season I admired Katharine McPhee's talent and Chris Daughtry and Taylor Hicks were always favorites.

I don't really like watching the auditions. I wonder first of all what makes people who are so tone-deaf think that they can try out for something like this. It's amazing how many "crazies" there are in the world. Secondly, it's sad to watch someone who says this has always been there dream just be told, "Sorry, no. This isn't for you." But, that's life. It's sad to see that happen to someone, but at some point in life, everyone should have that moment when they realize, "Hey, I'm not ever going to be an underwater basket-weaver." From my own life, I can tell you that I'm happier because I realized early on that I have no mathematical aptitude. Therefore, while I can balance my checkbook (barely) I will never be an accountant.

What I really love is when they get to the longer versions of the songs and the performances really start to be good. I'm not even all that crazy about the competition, except that when one of my favorites goes home, I really miss them. I would almost rather they just let all of them sing every week for a whole season. Just say for like six months they all have to do one song per week. I guess that would be a lot more like Lawrence Welk then.

At any rate, last night the ride began again. I wonder who my favorites will be this year.

Peace on Earth

2006-12-05T10:25:00.000-08:00

God is sometimes so mysterious in His plan for us that we almost despair while we are being infinitely blessed.

I can't even describe the panic that I felt when I found out that I was expecting Laney. I only had a couple of months of practice at being a mother. I wasn't sure about caring for two children, especially two babies. I was scared that Marley would lack for the attention she needed and I didn't know how we would be able to provide for both of them. But I'm three years into this adventure now and I can't fathom a life without Laney.

God knew I needed her. But I didn't know. I didn't know what we were going to do. But God did.

So, when it comes to this time of year, I can identify with the fear Mary must have felt. Oh, I know, she knew her child was of the Holy Spirit. That doesn't mean that she didn't fear the ridicule and speculation, the possible loss of her fiance. I know that her mind was awash in a thousand thoughts and prayers and what-ifs. I imagine she came pretty close to panic until God sent her peace.

Peace on earth.

For the first time, real peace was experienced, by Mary. How do I know that Mary was the first person to experience peace? Because she was the first to know Immanuel. (Luke 1:46-55)

That's why the angels proclaimed to the shepherds, "on earth, peace. . . " Prior to that moment how could anyone know peace? Not the absence of war--a serenity of spirit. Peace that passes understanding. Not as the world gives, the peace that God gives. We could not know peace before God was with us.

A blessing we could not imagine. But God could. Just what we needed, God gave. Just when we needed it. Just like He always does.

Peace on earth. . .

Misunderstanding

2006-11-21T06:20:00.000-08:00

Last week the Baptist State Convention of NC voted to ban churches that openly endorse homosexuality. This ruling is new because though a similar rule has been in place for years, now churches may be investigated and ousted by the convention. Perhaps my biggest concern for this whole situation is the misunderstanding that has already come out of it.

First of all, one of the biggest parts of this story has been overlooked, mainly that in order to fall under scrutiny, two church members have to request an investigation. So before you make this out to be a witch-hunt, keep in mind it has to be initiated within the church itself.

Secondly, for years there has been tension in the Southern Baptist Convention and also the state conventions between the conservative Baptists and our more liberal brethren. The main point of contention seems to be that neither side will lay down and allow the other to do whatever it pleases. Now, I work for a liberal church. I attend a conservative one. I am surrounded everyday by liberal Baptists and I consider some of them to be my dearest friends. But, I am conservative to my very core. I don't get into discussions with them over these things because I know that I am not going to change their minds any more than they will change mine. From the very beginning, this job has been like I was working for another denomination. I've always looked at it that way. So I truly believe that if liberal Baptists do not identify with the convention they should fully embrace the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship and leave the SBC alone.

And for the most part, the church I work for does when it doesn't benefit them to do otherwise. For example, our retirement plan is through Church Benefits Board of the CBF but our health insurance is through the Annuity Board of the Southern Baptist Convention. There has been talk around my office lately of how elitist and exclusionary the convention has become. Well, I don't think that's the case. We cannot continue to remain at odds with ourselves and expect to move forward.

My main problems with the convention within my lifetime stem soley from the fact that we have had to bog down in this very kind of problem for so long. It's time for those who do not agree with the direction of the convention, to go another way. It's like Methodists trying to be part of a Baptist organization. We are a body of believers but if some don't believe the same, they should join with those who do. We are not projecting a Christ-like image to the world by fighting amongst ourselves.

Some would say that we are not projecting a Christ-like image to the world by ousting those churches who would allow homosexuals to hold positions of leadership, or marry, etc. Well, if homosexuality is sin (and according to the Bible it most certainly is) we cannot condone it within our church walls. Yes, everyone is a sinner. We all stand in need of grace. But we also stand in need of repentance and if homosexuality is sin then we cannot allow persons known to be engaging in it to continue in it. Out of love for our Christian brother or sister, we must insist that they try to change. That's not to say that the change will be easy, but we are to help our brother or sister to avoid sin. Just them same as if a church member were actively committing adultery you would not want them to teach Sunday School. If your church nominating committee put someone who was known to be engaged in adultery in a position of leadership, you probably would not want to attend that church anymore.

This move is simply another step the convention has taken in saying, "If you expect to have fellowship with God, you must purge your life of known sin."

There are those who say that Jesus didn't really say anything about homosexuality in his ministry, but he said alot about judgment and hypocrisy. (Actually that's a direct quote from the pastor of the church I work for.) Jesus also told a parable about a king who had marriage feast for his son. And when he sent out the servants to bring those invited to the wedding in, they wouldn't come. So, he went out and invited everyone he could find to come to this feast. But then he saw a man who did not have on a wedding garment and he had that man bound and thrown out into the darkness. (Matthew 22) So, we see that though all are invited, all are expected to change. And if nothing else, Jesus preached that to follow him you must leave everything else behind.

Is it hard to do that? Of course. Is it worth it? Of course. Can anyone do it? Of course.

True Beauty

2006-11-15T13:46:00.000-08:00

Where the Blame Lies

2006-11-08T05:36:00.000-08:00

I promised my brother I would do my best to go out and vote yesterday. I remembered that promise at about 6:30 last night and just barely got to the polls before they closed. This morning I stumbled from my bed and turned on the news to find that the Democrats had won control of the house and that the Senate is currently still up in the air. I have listened to the news this morning and I have read an article on MSN and I have some things I need to say about how politics are done in this country.

First of all, I am told by the media that the American people have sent a strong message to the Republicans and the President with this election. The problem is, I'm not sure what that strong message is. The same people that report to me that the President has received a dashing blow also tell me that the Republican candidate for Senate in my district was underfunded and did not have the name recognition of our Democratic incumbent. Brace yourself, I almost voted for that incumbent. I'll tell you why. I looked at his track record. He's a Democrat, but he's consistently voted against things like Partial Birth Abortion, Stem Cell Research, Gay Marriage, etc. This guy is from the same town where I work. He's from a really good family. But, I didn't vote for him, because he's a Democrat. I wonder how many people did vote for him just because he's a nice guy. How many other candidates fall into the same category?

And maybe, I should have voted for him--because he's a nice guy. That's the real reason I voted for President Bush. It helped him that he was a Republican, yes. But I really believe with all my heart that President Bush is a good man. I don't agree with everything he does, but I believe that he prays for our nation and for how to lead it. I believe that counts for alot.

What's really a shame is that it's come to this--this idea that a person equals a political party. That's the reason I didn't vote for our incumbent. Because, I'm afraid that he will hold to party lines and that the things that are important to me will be trampled upon. I shouldn't have to be afraid that a good man will abandon his beliefs just because he is a member of the Democratic Party.

But the problem is, majority rule is how we elect people. And the man that clings to his ideals and morals is often not the popular man. In fact, what people really want is someone they feel will be swayed in their direction. The problem is there are too many directions.

All the media talked about for the last two weeks was how the Democrats were going to win it all. Excuse me, I said that wrong. All the media has talked about for the last two weeks was how the Republicans were going to lose it all. I guess they got what they wanted. But it seems to me to be an exaggeration that the public has sent such a strong message of disaproval when the Senate is still undecided.

Perhaps that's what irks me the most about this whole deal--we are fed gross exaggerations, half-truths and outright lies every day by our media. We are told how horrible the war in Iraq is on a daily basis--not focusing on how bravely our troops face this enemy, nor how much they need our support--but constantly how we shouldn't be there. We have been told that the President is not going to change his course of action even though that's what people seem to want. What people? It's not me that wants him to change. We were told that the President was campaigning around the country and that many candidates were trying to distance themselves from him. Why? Because everyone knows that the President is bad--or worse, a fool. We were told that the Mark Foley scandal decided this election. We are constantly told that Democrats are good and Republicans are bad. And I guess this election has shown that we believe what we are told.

Four legs good . . . two legs bad.

Slow News Day

2006-09-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

My browser is set to automatically open to MSN when I go on-line. I scan the home page daily for anything of interest. I don't get heavily bogged down in this stuff, but today, I just thought I'd share some things I learned from the MSN homepage.

Important items today include--"Guide to Men's Shirts & Ties," "Jobs That Let You Eat," and "Can Whitney Revive Her Career?"

Favorite Headline today--"Space Station Crew Reports Foul Odor."--Wonder if they had rehydrated beans for supper last night.

Article Producing the most idiotic quotes today--The Joys of Being Single
This was a piece on the handful of celebrities who are surprisingly single. It included a quote from Maureen Dowd--"Men used to be necessary in terms of reproduction and refinance, but we don't need them for that anymore. They'll be necessary like ice cream is necessary." Yep. That 's all they're good for. Let a guy say that about women and see what kind of press he gets.

The second most idiotic quote of this piece was from Oprah Winfrey, who said that her long-time boyfriend, Stedman Graham, is a "very traditional black man," but she is not a "very traditional black woman." She also said that "A piece of paper does not define a life." Translated into "traditional black woman-ese" that's-- "I ain't gonna let no man tell me what to do."

Things I learned from Celebrity Photos

A picture of Brad Pitt came with a tag line stating that "Brangelina" (as the gossip collumnists call Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie) are planning to wait to marry until everyone can. This is on the heals of reading a similar statement by Charlize Theron regarding her relationship with Stuart Townsend. The gist of this is that they believe they should get married when gay and lesbian unions are recognized by the federal government. So really, what they are saying is that marriage really doesn't mean anything anyway so, they're going to wait until it means even less. In the meanwhile, as they hold off making a lifetime commitment to each other, they will continue living together and procreating and adopting each other's previously adopted children. But they prefer to be morally superior to the rest of us who chose to marry because of a desire to be fully committed to someone we love, by putting off their marriages until they can make a political statement by doing so. How romantic! How sweet! I'm so envious!
Natalie Maines is really kind of pretty when you can't hear her talking.
John Mayer is really pretty too, if you don't have to watch him sing. (I like to hear him sing, I just can't watch him sing.)
Only an entertainment page can make Natalie Maines look better than Paris Hilton.

The Duh! Award Goes To--A Newsweek Article on "The Papal Controversy--What Was the Pope Thinking?"--I think he said what he was thinking. The only reason the last Pope didn't say what he was thinking more in the last few years was he was too sick to do so. Now that there is a Pope healthy enough to give some actual opinions on things (while holding up a very big hat), we might not always agree with him. But, as good Catholics would tell you, he's never wrong.

A Very Misleading Headline (In my humble opinion)--"Film Depicting Bush's Death Wins Award"--Evidently a film festival gave an award to the film "The Death of a President" which depicts a scenario in which President Bush is assasinated and the aftermath of such an occurence. I read the article but I couldn't make out what the actual message of the film was. In fact most of the article itself was about another film entirely. But the headline read as if the award was given to the film because it depicted Bush's death. That's a shameful way to get me to read an article on a film festival. Shame on you MSN. Shame. Shame.

These are a few of the snippets that caught my attention today. If you have anything to share, please do so now.

Tagged Again!

2006-09-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I've been tagged by my dear brother over at Trucker Philosophy. Before I can be released into the wild again, I have to answer some questions regarding, happily, one of my favorite subjects--80's Music!

1. Name an 80's Song that changed my life--

Well, I wrecked my car once while listening to "When I See You Smile" by Bad English. I'm not sure if that counts.

This is a very hard question for me because to some extent, there are too many to count. There's a great deal of 80's music that I can honestly say changed my tastes and my appreciation of music in general from a very early age.

I remember very clearly one night when the sky was really bright and there were about a zillion stars out. Lewis and I were sitting in his Camaro looking up at the sky through the t-tops and "Heaven" by Bryan Adams was on the radio. I don't know if it was life-changing, but that was a really good moment.

2. Name an 80's song that I can sing all the lyrics--

There are tons. One of my favorite activities is to sing with the radio and when I really like a song I make it a point to learn the words. I like to think I am good at it.

What comes to mind immediately though is "Never" by Heart. But I'm pretty confident I could sing the entire "Power Windows" album by Rush. Also, "It's No Myth"--Michael Penn. I better stop, this could get messy.

3. Name an 80's band I would like to be stranded with on a desert island.

Huey Lewis and the News--Don't they seem like a great bunch of guys?

4. Name an 80's band I'm embarrassed I listened to--

Culture Club--But I have reasons. Remember that during their heyday, I was about 6 years old. Their music was appealing to six-year-olds for some reason. I still think that Boy George is an excellent singer--I just don't like him much as a person. In fact sometimes, I really want to hurt him.

5. Name an 80's song that made me cry--

"Against All Odds"--Phil Collins

This was the first song that came to mind that fit the category. It was my favorite song to torture myself with after my college boyfriend broke up with me. Ah, memories . . .

6. An 80's band I wanted to play with--

In my imagination I've sung "Hazy Shade of Winter" with the Bangles about a thousand times.

7. Name an 80's band I wish had never formed.

I'm not sure why, but this question is really hard for me. Maybe I should just say that there is only one musical artist that I can honestly say makes me want to retch every time he opens his mouth and that artist is Neil Young. He's not a band, but he did record some music in the 80's, I guess. I don't know if that counts.

Men Without Hats sucked pretty bad too, and what was the name of that band that did "In A Big Country?"

8. Name an 80's band I still listen to.

There are lots. Rush, Men at Work, Huey Lewis & the News, The Stray Cats, Heart, Toto, Foreigner, Journey, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers, John Mellencamp, etc.

9. Name an 80's band I would want my children to listen to.

Refer to the list above.

From My First 30 Years

2006-08-30T05:41:00.000-07:00

I'm back. Did you miss me?

I have neglected the blog over this past month and a half or so and I am sorry. I can't promise that I will post very often in the near future because I'm going into the busiest time of year for me. However, please check in from time to time (if you want to). I may just suprise you.

I want to talk a little about my upcoming birthday. I am at this moment 2 days shy of my 30th Birthday. I have big plans for the day. I have to renew my license and meet with our insurance agent during the morning. When I have finished with those things, I vow to do as little as possible for the rest of the day. One Christmas my dad said he was "living by the rule of 30" which meant that he was not getting more than 30 feet away from his recliner that day. That's my plan for this Friday.

Seeing that most of my readership is older than me, I thought I would share some of what I've learned over the past 30 years. So for those of you who are not yet 30, learn from the wisdom of my years. For those who are older, feel free to laugh.

1. No one is perfect, but most people expect you to be.

This is especially true of people who have lots of insecurities themselves, business associates and inlaws. Usually, the fewer problems people have themselves and the better they know you, the less they will expect you to be perfect. Take for example, my mother. She knows me better than most anyone and she overlooks my shortcomings. When she doesn't overlook them, it is only to help me in correcting them. The level of perfection you expect from a person is usually relative to your love for them.

2. When you pay off a bill, expect another one to come in its place (and soon).

Shortly after Lewis and I got married I began working hard to pay off a hospital bill. I had it paid in full by the time we had been married about a year. About a month after I finished sending the checks, he woke up in the middle of the night with a kidney stone. He had no health insurance at the time and we ended up spending half the night in the emergency room. The charges amounted to a little over $1000. Since then we have carried a balance with the hospital. A couple of times I have thought about paying off our debt there when we experienced a windfall, but I always put the money toward something else. At least we have our health.

3. Love is blind, but when you really love someone (in a romantic way) you should try to look your best.

I know quite a few ladies who let themselves go after they got married. If you really love your husband, shouldn't you want him to stay attracted to you? Besides, isn't feeling pretty one of the best things about love? Wear make-up and attractive clothes. Exercise and eat right. You'll be healthier, happier and feel like you've just fallen in love longer. It's good for your husband to know you care about such things too.

4. The things you will enjoy most in life are usually the product of lots of hoping and waiting and praying.

This has become the thing I say to myself whenever I feel like we need to run out and buy a house right away. With the exception of Laney, the people and things I enjoy most in my life all came to me after years of hopeful praying. Let me give you a short list: Lewis, Marley, my years at Campbell University, etc.

5. And sometimes the greatest blessings are complete surprises!

Take Laney for example.

6. God's grace is sufficient.

Most people don't understand have even the slightest grasp of what grace really means. Even the majority of Christians will claim they live under grace while trying to work their way into heaven. Grace is all you need.

7. Love one another.

Even when it's hard. Even when you have to swallow your pride to do so. Love one another.

Epiphany

2006-07-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

Back in college I used to experience these moments in class when an idea (or a perspective) on something we were studying would just come to me out of the blue. These moments were like finding a missing puzzle piece or backing away and seeing the big picture. They were moments of extreme clarity for me--times when my focus was so intent on what I was doing that I felt euphoric. There's no kind of excitement I've found like having an idea that is unique and at the same time completely right.

And I had almost stopped having these moments.

What happened? Well, in short, life happened. A similar thing has happened to the poetry I used to write. There just isn't time to get that caught up in something anymore.

But recently, I've started having these moments in Sunday School (of all places to have an epiphany, right?).

The first one was while were studying Hannah several weeks ago. Now, there are lots of women who go through what Hannah went through. She wanted a baby. There's no force on earth stronger than baby-fever in an adult woman. Everywhere you go, you'll see a baby, or a pregnant woman, or a pregnant woman with a baby. I remember when I had baby-fever pretty badly and Lewis took me out to eat to cheer me up. He took me to Ryan's and we sat in a section surrounded by families with small children.

Anyway, back to Hannah, she wanted a baby--and to make matters worse, she's got to compete with Elkanah's other wife who not only has children but doesn't mind teasing Hannah about it. So, Hannah decides that she'll go on a hunger strike. (I could get into the stupidity of hunger strikes in general, but that's another day). Elkanah is very upset about this, because he loves Hannah. So he says to her one of the most foolish and conceited things he could say, "Aren't I better than 10 sons?" Hannah's reply to this is not printed in the KJV, but I can only imagine what she said back to him.

Well, finally Hannah takes this matter to the Lord. There's the first part of my epiphany. I wonder how long it took Hannah to realize that she needed to pray about this. By the time Eli sees her praying in the temple, she's simply distraught.

Yet, (here's the second part) after she prays the KJV says "So the woman went her way, and did eat, and her countenance was no more sad." (I Samuel 1:18b) Did you catch that? She felt better AFTER SHE PRAYED. It doesn't say that she only felt better after the prayer was answered. In fact, we really don't know anything about how long it took for her to see her prayer come to pass. We don't know how long she had worried about this before she prayed. We don't long how long God took to grant her request. We only know that He answered her prayer and that she didn't worry about it in the meanwhile.

Wow. How many times do we wait until the burden is crushing us before we take it to God? How many times do we take that burden to God and pray about it and then pick it right back up and worry over it still? Hannah didn't. I think she had peace. I think God gave her peace so she could deal with Elkanah's other wife picking on her. I also think it was that peace and trust in God that allowed her to keep her promise in the end and take Samuel to the temple.

After that, Hannah had three more sons and two daughters. But she had no way of knowing when she took Samuel to the temple to leave him there that she would have those children. She asked God for one baby and she got six. Is that a testament to how much God loves us or what? That happened to me too. I asked God for one baby and he gave me two. God wants to bless us when we will let Him.

My second epiphany happened yesterday. We have been studying Moses. Don't you just love Moses? The whole story is amazing. Moses was groomed for leadership from an early age. Do you think that when he was out tending sheep, he might have thought that up to then his life had been a waste? Do you think the murder he had committed plagued his conscience? I'm sure it did. But one day while he is mulling over his wasted years, he catches a glimpse of something burning in the distance and he goes to check it out--strolls up on holy ground and all of a sudden his life makes sense.

God tells him pick up a serpent (formerly his rod) and go do what he was born to do--LEAD. Moses has to begin with an act of faith though. He has to trust God in picking up the snake. Moses had to learn to trust that God would make that rod in his hand everything he needed it to be along the way. It was a lesson he would have to learn again and again.

I always wondered about the plagues on Egypt. They seem a little unnecessary, don't they? Really, couldn't God have just made Pharaoh real easy-going. But no, Pharaoh has to do things the hard way. The reality though (this is my second epiphany) is that the Israelites needed those plagues. They needed to see that God was leading Moses to lead them. They needed to know that Moses was not just a magician. Moses needed to learn that as long as God was leading him he could conquer whatever he was up against. Which is why when Moses came to the Red Sea, he didn't hestitate to stretch out his hand and watch what God was about to do.

The Israelites were always fickle. They would trust and praise God when things were going good, but they had some real doomsayers and worry-worts when things looked the least bit bad. If they had not seen the plagues and the miracles, they would have turned back to Egypt (they came pretty close in spite of the miracles). So, don't forget your miracle. Everybody has a few, if you know what to look for. They are God's way of seeing you through--to the next one.

How To Be An Effective Two-Year Old

2006-06-30T05:29:00.000-07:00

1. Constantly try out how you feel about things. After repeating several times that you like strawberries, adamantly insist that you don't like strawberries.

2. Always be thirsty. If mommy is seated, ask her repeatedly for something to drink. When she gets up to make a drink for you, make sure you stand at her feet and whine until handed the drink. When she gives you your sippy cup, drop it in the floor and exclaim, "Me don't like _____ (insert beverage name here)." Wait until mommy sits down. Repeat.

3. Any parental request should be met with the reply, "Me don't want to," or "My tummy hurts me."

4. Always ask the busiest parent for attention. If mommy is cooking supper and daddy is watching t.v., demand that mommy drop whatever she is doing to help you.

5. Try out new flavors. If you are given an open cup ("big girl cup") at dinner, find out how pork chops taste when dipped in grape cool aid. Insist that you have butter or ketchup on everything.

6. Immediately tear apart any item of artwork that is glued, especially if your sister made it.

7. Be outrageously cute and extremely active at any function involving grandparents, aunts & uncles or other related adults. Refuse to recite or sing any previously learned material at such events.

8. Never trust Mommy & Daddy to give you a straight answer. If they tell you "no," or "wait," or "the popsicles have to freeze before you can have one," continue to ask repeatedly.

9. If Daddy is sick and trying to rest, go bounce on his bed until he feels better.

10. Be extremely cute at all times, especially when you are asleep.

Snapshot

2006-06-27T05:44:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been somewhere, riding in the car, swimming, taking a walk, etc., and wished that right at that moment you could have your computer with you because it was right then that the perfect blog post came to mind? That happened to me about 5 times over the weekend.

I know I should post more often, but most of the time the problem is that I have too much to say and not that I'm suffering from a lack of things to say. I strive to make my posts somewhat coherent and I'm afraid lately if I wrote everyday, none of it would be.

But let's talk a little bit.

Last Friday night my mom & dad kept the kids for Lewis and I to have some alone time. We ended up going to one of the restaurants we used to frequent before we had kids. It was nice. Then we headed for Blockbuster, where we rented some movies and went home to sleep through them. Not a bad way to spend an evening.

Lewis helped my dad work on the carport he's building all day Saturday. He was sunburned and extremely tired when they stopped working. We came home to swim in the pool and enjoy a late supper.

During the night, Marley got sick. She threw up three or four times. I hate it when she's sick. I feel totally helpless. She got a lot better by mid-day Sunday though. We decided that we would take the kids to see Cars at the theater. Marley had been wanting her PaPaw to go with her to the movies, so we called him. Lewis claims that by talking his dad into going to a movie, Marley really accomplished something. My father-in-law is the biggest homebody you've ever seen. He never goes anywhere. To add to all that, he's a huge racing fan, so you know where he usually is on Sunday afternoon. But I guess granddaughters are more important than watching Jeff Gordon wreck. It's amazing what kind of leverage a three year old can sometimes have.

Riding in the car on the way to the movie, I was thinking how great it would be to be able to record that moment in my life and play it back for you here. It was not an extraordinary moment, but it was beautiful in a way. The girls were happy and excited. Lewis and I were enjoying the feeling you get when you are doing something special for your kids and happy with each other. It was just a good feeling and I wanted to share it.

So, sometimes if what I write seems ordinary, I just wanted you to know, I'm not doing this to change the world. I just want others to see all the wonderful things I see in my own life. The beauty, if you will, of just being a wife and mom and sister and daughter--the joy of leading an ordinary life.

2006-06-15T05:32:00.000-07:00

Have you heard about Screech's financial problems? Well it seems that Dustin Diamond (of Saved by the Bell fame) is about to lose his house. He is need of $250,000 to keep it.

Not to worry though--he's come up with a plan to keep from becoming homeless. If you send him $15.00 he will send you an autographed t-shirt with a picture of himself on it.

I think this is an excellent plan and since Lewis and I would like to buy a house ourselves within a year or two, I'm thinking of having some t-shirts made myself. I'll let you know when I'm ready to start selling them. If you just want to contribute to the Buy Us A House Fund, without purchasing a t-shirt, donations are currently being accepted.

The t-shirts, by the way won't have Dustin Diamond's picture on them. I'm hoping to see if Steve Erkel will back this project.

This brings to mind one of my favorite t.v. shows--Extreme Makeover-Home Edition. I love that they demolish the house and then build a fabulous mansion for these people. I always cry at the end when they tell the people it's theirs and give them the deed. I'd apply to have my house demolished too, except I can't think of anything I've done recently that was as heroic as losing both legs in the war or taking in 8 children who are HIV positive.

And of course, I can't have my house demolished and rebuilt where it is because we don't own the land it's on. Our house is located on about 1/3 of an acre about 50 yards from a growing Cattle Farm. We bought our little singlewide mobile home after renting one for about a year and a half just after we were married. Our house was formerly owned by a friend whose husband had died about a year earlier from Leukemia. She was getting married again. We rent the land the house is on from her father.

The scenery where we live is lovely. From our back porch you can see about 30 cows grazing in their pastures. There's a small pond and a stand of trees in one pasture and just open field directly behind our house where our landlord grows hay. When it snows (not often), our backyard reminds me of a Currier & Ives Christmas Card. It's very beautiful.

We'd love to put a house on this piece of land. But I don't know if we'd ever be able to buy it. But there's always hope. Maybe you can help--for just pennies a day. . .

A Good Week

2006-06-14T07:50:00.000-07:00

So far we are having a good week. We began this week in transition. Marley moved up to the three year old hallway at daycare and Laney moved into Marley's former class--beginning attendance at the same daycare as her sister for the first time in almost a year.

When I returned to work after I had Marley, a friend of ours kept her for us during the day. She was an excellent caregiver and I had planned to take Laney to her too. But things didn't work out for her to continue keeping them and so I found another friend who was able to keep them. That situation worked fine for about a year and then she decided to go back to work. So I found a good daycare to enroll them in.

The hard part of all this is that I work for a church that has a daycare facility under the same roof as my office. Employees of this establishment can enroll their children at half-price. However, until now, my children were too young to be in the program. I enrolled Marley last August when she was old enough to come. The daycare Laney was in is closing mid-summer, so we went ahead and enrolled her now instead of waiting until the school-year begins. So now, after three and a half years, I finally have both my children here.

It's been great so far. We get in the car and drive straight to work. I drop the girls off at their classes with their breakfast and walk to my office. Great daycare--a 4-star center--at half-price, right here where I work! Who could ask for better?

And in spite of my fears and worries about Laney leaving my side at a new place for the first time, she did really well. She walked in and struck up a conversation with one of her teachers and I kissed her forehead and left. Wow!

My husband's supervisor came to him Monday to let him know that his 90 days at the new job are now up and he will be hired on permanently. This means he will be given insurance, sick-leave, vacation and retirement benefits along with a raise.

Bible School is going on at our church this week. The girls seem to really be enjoying it. They come home all wound up and a little fussy, but we've managed to get them to bed at a fairly decent time and they sleep really well.

While they are at Bible School, Lewis and I have been mostly just spending time resting on the couch and watching t.v. I guess I should do some housework, but it's so nice just to relax a little. The only thing is the house is way too quiet. It feels odd to not have the kids climbing on me while I try to enjoy Jeopardy.

Oh, and with the exception of this morning (it was raining) I have gotten up early every day this week and walked for 20-25 minutes. Now, I know I'm not going to suddenly look like a supermodel by doing this little bit of exercise, but some exercise is better than no exercise.

So, all in all, a good week thus far. How's your week going?

Me Don't Have To

2006-06-08T07:22:00.000-07:00

Laney has discovered a new phrase recently. She tells me defiantly when I ask her to do something, "Me don't have to" or she uses the excuse "My tummy hurts me." I'm trying right now to teach her that like it or not there are things in this world that you have to do. Especially when your mother tells you to.

This morning I heard on the radio about a mother who is failing miserably in teaching this to her daughter. Evidently the high school from which the young lady is about to graduate has asked for all the girls to wear dresses for the commencement exercises. Her mother is considering pursuing a lawsuit claiming that such a request is descriminatory. Horrors! For once in her young life this girl may have to do something she thinks is unpleasant.

In what way does a dress demean someone? In what way does it hurt anyone to dress up for certain things--like graduation, weddings, funerals? I could see her point if out of all the students graduating, this one was asked to put on a dress. I could see her point if the young men attending graduation were not asked (which is not likely) to wear dress shirts and most likely ties to graduation. Young men don't usually like wearing ties any more than some young ladies like to wear dresses.

But this young lady might have to do something she doesn't want to do for at the most 2 hours and her mother is planning to tie up our courts over it.

I wonder how the mother in question survived the toddler years with her daughter. Did she immediately give in to every demand and never ask her child to do anything? If so, she has raised a child that is grossly unprepared for what she will face in the coming days. How sad.

Even sadder is the fact that this young lady is not alone. There are hundreds of thousands of people in the coming generation that see absolutely nothing wrong with the idea of a lawsuit over this sort of thing.

Let me tell you the philosophy of parenting that my dad handed down to me from my grandfather--If a child wants to do something that is neither destructive or hurtful to themselves or others, it's probably okay to let them.

If a child never learns that there are some things he or she will have to do, no matter what their mood, if they never learn that there are authorities we must submit to in our lives, that is destructive to their character, hurtful to others around them (because it breeds selfishness) and ultimately hurtful to themselves because they will believe that the entire world is out to get them--over a little thing like whether or not to wear a dress.

How nice would it be if this young ladies mother, instead of claiming that it is discriminatory for the high school to ask her to wear a dress, would instead tell her daughter how nice she would look in a dress, or even take her shopping to help her find something flattering? All the while insisting that she live up to the requirements the school has set forth. Would it really be so hard to do? Are dresses really that symbolic? No it isn't hard. All you have do is enforce the rules.

The End of the World

2006-06-06T06:01:00.000-07:00

Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.--Matthew 26:41

Are you creeped out that today is 6/6/06? Me neither.

The media seems to be preoccupied with that silly little fact today. It's been on every news report I've heard. "Today is the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year. What does it all mean?" Which is absolutley ridiculous, because while it is the sixth day of the sixth month, it is not the sixth year. Go back and ask Adam how what kind of day he had on the actual sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year--that date wouldn't have been 6/6/6 either. Even less accurate, is the year 6 A.D.--which historians estimate to be about the year of Jesus' birth. I could get into why the date and the signs of the end are not related in any way, but that would take too long.

But the date--or more accurately--how we write the date today seems to be on a lot of minds. Even the pastor of the church where I work asked me if I thought the rapture would occur today. With so many people expecting it to, I think the chances are higher for tomorrow. After all, Jesus said no one knows the day or the hour. So while the rapture could occur today, I don't think it will because God wouldn't want any smarty-pants people saying, "I told you so."

But the end of the world will come. Don't worry about that. At least if you do worry about it, worry about it in the sense that you live your life the way you should, always expecting that each day may be your last. Because we never know.

A family in our community lost their little boy last week. He was only five years old and he died in his sleep. No one knows right now exactly what happened, but the fact remains, we are only given a certain amount of time. Don't wait until tomorrow to do the right thing, you may not have a future here.

It's difficult to explain how we can be homesick for heaven and so earth bound at the same time. We cling to life for so many reasons. We want to see how it all works out. But reality is that life is like a t.v. show or book that we never finish. Hardly anyone dies with all the loose ends tied up. We forget that we will have all the answers we need when we are ushered into paradise.

Thinking about this is tough, because I know that at any moment I could be snatched from the lives of the people I love. I wouldn't want my children to grow up without knowing me, for my husband to have to raise them without me, or for him to miss out on growing old with me. We've spend the difficult years of getting to know each other, raising small children and financial struggles together so I'd like to think that our happiest years are ahead. Even the rapture is tricky. Because while I know that heaven will be great, and my children (too young to be accountable) and my husband will be there with me, I still in some way wonder what the rest of my life would be like.

We always have to remember that the end of the world, is not the end of everything. It's like the REM song says, "It's the end of the world, as we know it." And really that can be said of everyday, because we don't know what is ahead. We only have sketches and shadows of what is to come.

Drop That Baby One More Time

2006-05-24T11:09:00.000-07:00

Okay. So, you won't find me standing up for Britney Spears very often. BUT, the media is taking their scrutiny of America's pop princess a little too far. Who hasn't almost dropped their baby at some point? Granted, there is some question as to what was in the glass she was carrying. However, if people were not watching every minute of her life, maybe we wouldn't catch so much of this sort of thing on tape.

Parenthood is stressful without having a horde following you everywhere you go. It's ironic that she would catch such a hard time over things that just normally happen sometimes when you have a baby. Occasionally, a child has to be taken out of a car-seat. Occasionally, a baby falls from his high-chair. Occasionally, a parent drops a baby. Shoot--I fell down the steps at my house with Marley in my arms. She was about 5 months old and I was about three months along with Laney. Dropped her on the grass, right on her sweet little face. Yes, it scared all of us very much when that happened, but no one called me a bad mommy for it. Essentially, the old addage applies, "Stuff happens." And when you have a baby, and especially when you have a toddler, "Stuff happens" alot.

If you want to accuse Britney of being a bad mommy, you should start with her marriage to Kevin Federline, rather than these random little accidents that keep happening to Sean Preston That kind of stuff happens to everybody.

Now. Have you heard that the Dixie Chicks have a new album? Natalie Maines had apologized for her comments regarding President Bush but now she says she really isn't sorry she said what she did about him at all. The Dixie Chicks have also said that they would rather have a small following a people who really get what they are about than a huge following of people who don't necessarily agree with them politically.

I get it now. The Dixie Chicks really didn't like getting radio air-play. They would rather the masses never hear from them again. However, they really want you to go out and buy their new album, and want you to know that they have one, so they say things like, "I took it back, but I really didn't mean to take it back," so that they will have articles in the newspapers and call a lot of attention to themselves.

Where have The Dixie Chicks been over the past three years anyway? I don't remember hearing anything from them since they went toe-to-toe with Toby Keith. I don't really like him either, but he at least likes America (or America's money, something like that). I seriously thought we would never hear from them again. But, bad pennies always turn up.

Wake up, girls! You play Country music for Country folks. If we don't understand where you are coming from, you don't have an audience. Nobody cared that you didn't like the President as long as you were keeping your mouth shut about it. Now, try to get back to what you do best, namely, make music.

(Special thanks to Tugboatcap'n for his help with the Title.)

Seven Years

2006-05-22T11:42:00.000-07:00

On this day, seven years ago, I galloped down the aisle with my poor sad daddy in tow and pledged my eternal troth to my husband--for better, for worse, for poorer and poorer (we haven't experienced the richer part), in sickness and in health, etc.

At this point in our lives, we have acquired a beagle named "Snoopy," a single-wide mobile home, a 1995 Chevy Truck and a 1999 Pontiac Grand Am, several guitars, a piano, a computer that doesn't work, a DVD player and a VCR, a flat-screen television, and tickets to the Coca-Cola 600 next weekend. But that's just stuff.

We also have two beautiful children.

We had three and a half beautiful years together before the kids were born. We slept late, stayed out late, had enough money to pay the bills and (gasp!) still buy other things. We kept the house reasonably clean.

We have had three and a half busy years since the kids were born. We had a very tough year after Laney was born. Too much to do, to little time or sleep to work with. We've had some very hard financial times in the past couple of years. We hope we're on the way out of that tunnel.

All in all, it's been a great adventure so far. I'm so grateful for the man that Lewis is and all that he does to make our lives secure and happy. I'm blessed to have someone I can laugh with even when times are hard. And I'm looking forward to the next 100 years with him.

Isn't love grand?

Logical Thinkers Wanted

2006-05-15T10:01:00.000-07:00

The second night I was home from the hospital after having Marley, my loving and wonderful brother, (you know him as Tugboatcap'n) went to KFC to get us some chicken for supper. Wanting us to be able to enjoy some ice cold refreshment with our meal, he asked for a gallon of iced tea. The cashier replied that it only comes in half-gallons. He responded--"Then give me two of them. A gallon is a gallon if it comes in eye-droppers."

In much the same manner, my husband recently ordered a value meal at Burger King (this makes it seem like we eat an awful lot of fast-food, doesn't it), only to be told that they did not have that value meal anymore. Wait a second. They still sell the sandwiches, french fries and drinks. If you don't have the particular value meal, just give me a value meal kit please.

At work the other day, a lady who taught grade-school for something like a million years asked me to fax something for her. As I went to run it through the fax machine she said, "Do I need to make a copy of it first? What happens to the original when you fax something?" I bit my tongue. What I wanted to say was, "The real trick to faxing something is folding it up tiny enough to fit through the phone wires."

How about this? My best friend from college described to me how horrible taking her infant son anywhere in the car had become. When I asked her why he didn't like riding in the car she responded that he wasn't a year old yet and so she had yet to turn his seat around facing front. The child was eleven and a half months old. He weighed close to 30 pounds. Yet she insisted that there was something magical about the day he would turn 1 and then suddenly be different physically so as to be safe in a forward facing car seat. (By the way, car seat frustration is another post altogether).

Same with drug companies who advertise that people under the age of 18 shouldn't take a particular drug. So the day before you are 18 you can't, but the day after, you can?

Watching a Discovery Channel special on The DaVinci Code, the host described the Holy Grail as a jewel encrusted goblet. If we believe that it belonged to Jesus, how are we expecting it to be anything more than a plain cup? Newsflash! Jesus was poor. Later, while holding a simple cup believed by some to be the actual cup of Christ, he stated his doubts of its authenticity because he didn't "feel anything" as he held it.

Logic. Problem solving. Disappearing from the human race.

Dissention in the Ranks

2006-05-11T06:20:00.001-07:00

My wonderful husband, the only man in the world for me, is not very politically minded. This in actuality turns out to be a good thing for us. Had he been a liberal democrat, we just would have argued all the time. If he was a very strong conservative republican, we would be too radical for anyone to be able to stand us as a couple.

As it stands, he tones down my hot-headed, media offended side. He keeps me from being mad at the world all the time. I only have to exclaim, "Oh, give me a break!" at the news, for him to reply, "Just calm down. It's only t.v." Where I am highly opinionated about such things, Lewis approaches the world with more of a live and let live philosophy.

Now, on the things that really matter, to a large extent, we usually agree. He doesn't believe in gun control, high taxes, or abortion. He doesn't shy away from telling me when I am right about something. He also calls me on things that he sees as wrong. But mostly, he stays out of political debates. He's more concerned with cars and specifically, convincing me that he's really trying to improve his gas mileage when he's really boosting horsepower.

He's not voted since we've been married. He's registered, but I forget which party he registered with. That's how little his party affiliation matters to me.

He was raised in a family that really reflects his world-view. His mom and dad are democrats. I wouldn't say they are especially liberal people. But his mom voted for Clinton and intended to vote for Gore (she didn't make it to the polls before they closed). When Lewis asked her why she would have voted for Gore, she responded that she thought, "Clinton held this country together pretty well." I did not jump into that one.

Oddly enough, when he does decide to discuss politics with me, it's often in inappropriate places and situations. While listening to the preservice music at my aunt's wedding, he says to me, "Don't you think it's about time they brought the soldiers home from Iraq?" To which I say, "Do we have to discuss this now?" And he replies, "Well, everyone else is whispering and talking to each other, why shouldn't we?"

But what I most admire about him, is that if I present a rational arguement to him, he's open to changing his mind about things. Abortion is a good example. He though he was for it (at least in extreme cases), till I explained how early a baby in the womb has a heartbeat. Then he changed his mind.

And I am grateful that Marley has taken after him in that way. She will stand her ground, but she can be convinced to change her mind, if you make a rational arguement.

Laney, however, is not like that at all. She will disagree with you just to disagree. Once she decides something she is not going to back down.

I just hope she doesn't grow up to be a liberal democrat.

I was telling my mom this the other day. To prove my point about her stubborn nature, I looked over at Laney and said, "Laney, say 'I am a conservative republican.'" She immediately stuck out her bottom lip and exclaimed, "Nooooooo!"

See what I mean?

Let's just hope I can subtly guide that iron-clad resistance to follow the right path. At the rate she's going she'll either grow up to be Anne Coulter or Hilary Clinton.

Melancholy & The Infinite Sadness

2006-05-03T05:47:00.000-07:00

For some reason, lately I have been plagued by occasional boughts of the blues. I'm not used to this in any way. I've always been a pretty happy person, unless going through a heartbreak of some kind. These episodes don't seem to have any rhyme or reason to them though. I'll just have a day every couple of weeks where I feel like a dark shadow is following me around. I do my best to snap out of it, but when I try, it seems that the shadow gets darker and I just have to wait it out.

I'm having one of those days today.

Laney has me worried. She went through a spell a couple of weeks ago where she was ill all the time when she was at home. I asked her daycare provider about it at that time and she said that Laney had been a little tempermental but that all in all they had not seen the kind of problem I had. Now, all of a sudden, she's an angel at home and cries and screams when I try to leave her at daycare. She's never done this before and I don't know why she would do it now.
It has me really concerned. This morning, for the first time since she was a baby I left the daycare in tears. I didn't want to leave her and she didn't want to be left. She was screaming and crying. I just feel so helpless. I don't know how to make it better for her.

A co-worker of mine jumped all over me first thing this morning because she missed a phone call yesterday afternoon. It seems, I left her son on hold for six minutes and just forgot to tell her about the call. I didn't mean for this to happen. She had gone to the bathroom and I knew she would be right back. But the other line rang several times while she was gone and I just forgot about it in the rush of things. I do my best to make sure she gets her calls, but I am human. She's mad and because she lives to be offended at someone, she'll carry this around for a few days.

And I would pick today of all days to pay the bills. Enough said.

But usually, these things would not bother me this way. Sure, they give me frustration, but for some reason there is an underlying sadness that goes beyond all of this. I feel like Eeyore.

Pray for me. I know I'll snap out of it, but I can tell this is going to be one long day.

Easter Pictures

2006-04-20T10:43:00.000-07:00

Hard Facts

2006-04-19T05:20:00.000-07:00

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid. How shall we, that are dead to sin, live any longer therein?"--Romans 6:1-2

I've been trying to wrap my mind around how to say this ever since last week when a discussion of homosexuality arose over at my friend Mark's blog. This is important and I hope I say it well.

First of all, without grace all of us are hopeless sinnners. No matter what temptations plague us most, we are lost without the grace of God. That means that no matter what sin I have committed, be it murder or eating a few grapes in the produce section of the supermarket without paying for them, I am just as guilty.

Secondly, living in sin is a miserable condition. Human beings were created for one purpose, to commune with God. God created us to have a relationship with Him and all other relationships we experience on this earth are secondary to that relationship, not from our point of view, but from His. A holy God cannot commune with sinful man unless the bridge of grace is provided. As we are created to be in fellowship with God, we will forever miss His communion with us until we accept the gift of grace. Nothing will ever satisfy the person who is without God.

Thirdly, I cannot come under the grace of God unless I first admit that I am a sinner. I will never admit that I am a sinner unless I fall under conviction of the Holy Spirit. Humility is the first step to obtaining grace.

Last of all, to willfully continue in my sin after I have received the gift of grace is to waste God's most precious gift. Jesus died to free us from sin. He expects us to attempt to live lives that will please God once we have accepted the free gift of salvation.

This is why churches should not condone homosexuality. Anyone professing to have accepted the grace of God should not be committing what God says is an abomination.

Now, I know that the argument is whether or not people are born gay. Well, I have to say that where you fall in the discussion of whether this is a sin hinges on that argument. If you believe that God creates gay people, you cannot believe that it is wrong to be gay. Just like, you cannot believe that it is wrong to be of a minority race.

But consider this, why would the Bible have ever said that it was an abomination if people were born that way? I know there's the argument that eating shrimp is also supposed to be an abomination. But think on this, eating is shrimp is choice. Whether or not you choose to enjoy shellfish is not a predisposition you were born with. Some like shellfish more than others, but no one can say that they cannot help but eat shellfish and that they absolutely cannot enjoy other foods.

And yes, portions of the Levitical code are outdated simply because they were written for a culture that had never heard the word "antibacterial." But homosexuality doesn't fall under that distinction.

Also, the argument about committed relationships being okay doesn't hold water. You don't just magically wake up one day in a committed relationship. You have to be looking for that and there is always a phase in a relationship that is casual. Are we to assume that gay couples wait until they are in committed relationships to have sex? And what constitutes a committed relationship--a marriage or civil union or just people that have dated for a long time?

It's all just to fuzzy. The bottom line is that God created us to have communion with Him first. If you come to Him with an agenda, unwilling to lay down your lifestyle before Him, you have not made a commitment to Him.

Anything that gets in the way of our fellowship with God is sin. God forgives sin, but he expects repentance. So should we.

A Thought for Holy Week

2006-04-11T10:33:00.000-07:00

Suppose for a moment that I have wronged you in some way. Suppose, just hypothetically, that last night I broke into your house and stole your t.v. set. Just to add insult to injury, lets say that we're neighbors and you can see me sitting in my living room with the remote control just watching the daylights out of your t.v. You are so mad you can't see straight. But we're friends and neighbors and so out of the goodness of you heart, you decide to forgive me.

You go over to my house and knock on the door. You say, "Daffy, I know that you broke into my house. You defiled the sanctity of my home and took something that belonged to me. However, I realize that these things are only material and I value our relationship more. So, I'm here to tell you that I forgive you."

That would be very unusual of most people to do and very big of you, considering that I have answered the door with a bowl of popcorn in my hand. (I was getting ready to watch the Beverly Hillbillies.)

Now, suppose at this moment I slam the door or I say, "Who cares?" and walk away. I'm not sorry for anything I've done. I have no consideration for your feelings or the fact that even though I wronged you, you have made an incredible gesture of reconciliation. Let's face it, you didn't even mention me returning your brand new, giant plasma-screen t.v.

How would you feel? Would you still forgive me?

That's why what Jesus did is so awe-inspiring. We were and are the ones in the wrong. We sent him to a horrible death for things that we did. It should have been us on that cross but--Jesus said, "No. I've got you covered."

All that He asks is that we admit we did wrong, trust in His salvation and follow His leadership. In short, accept His forgiveness.

Imagine now that Jesus is standing outside your door, saying, "Hey, I know you killed me. But it's okay. I forgive you." Can you walk away? Slam the door in His face?

Denying His gift is to add insult to injury. How would you feel?

Springtime and Tiny Girls

2006-04-07T05:24:00.000-07:00

A dance of laughter in the evening air
The sun going down beyond the trees
The early spring upon us
Sleeveless dresses and dandelion seeds
The swirl and splendor of being small and girlish
The rush of memory and wonder
That God exists--
In the breeze that blows our skirts
In the lines of dirt that mark our feet when our sandals are removed
In the spinning round and dizzy stumbling til we fall
Hop, hop, plop on our bottoms in the dry grass
Surrounded by the budding and blossoming that is eternal
And fleeting all at once
We smile and feel the sun slipping away
The breeze growing colder
Only minutes left to play

Stuff That Has Been Bugging Me Lately

2006-03-15T05:05:00.000-08:00

The idea of open marriage.--This morning as I opened my browser to MSN, I was greeted with the headline "The New Monogamy." Well this was just too interesting to me. Mostly because there's only one kind of monogamy--the "till death do us part" kind. I skimmed this article which was a sampling of opinions on the issue by what I assume the editors at MSN think are "experts." All of them sort of had the same opinion which was basically if it floats your boat, fine--but it's still weird. Not only weird, this is absolutely nuts.

A big part of being in love is desiring one person in particular over all others. It shouldn't be hard to do. It should be natural. I love Lewis and the very thought of being with anybody else borders on being repulsive. By the same token, the thought of him being with anybody else makes me incredibly sad and nauseous. I don't know how I would react to him cheating on me (and hope I never find out) but I know that it would hurt me more than anything I can imagine.

Anyone that enters into an agreement to marry someone but allow them to sleep around, is agreeing to become the world's largest doormat. What I would assume really happens in most of these open marriages is that one partner dates around a lot more than the other. Which means that one is left sitting at home while the other is out chasing . . . well, you know. Besides that, who wants to wake up on Saturday morning and look at their spouse and say, "let's spend the day together" and have the reply be, "Sorry, I have a date"?

The crux of the problem is that people really don't know what a marriage should be about anymore. It is a partnership that should be physical, emotional, financial, and even spiritual in nature. It is the most beautiful thing on earth if you will allow yourself to experience it that way. People that agree to these open marriages will never accomplish the oneness that marriage is supposed to be. Therefore, they have no marriage at all. They haven't really even attempted it. Ridiculous.

Secondly, I have to react to a response recently given in on my brother's blog. In the post in question my brother had expressed his belief that a father should have the right to deny child support for a child he did not want. I know this is a big kettle of worms, but the ensuing debate turned into a discussion of abortion rights. One commenter (who has expressed this opinion before by the way) said that men don't have the right to say anything about abortion. I think it is awful that he thinks that way.

The only line of reasoning that would lead you to say that is the one that says that a woman has the right to do whatever she wants with her body (which is having an opinion on the matter whether you are openly expressing it or not). The honest truth of the matter is that a woman does have the right to do what she wants with her body. She has the right to tell a man "no." She has the right to look for a secure relationship and financial situation in which to bring a child before she gets pregnant. See, the line of reasoning he is using assumes that it is really not any woman's fault that she got pregnant. The evil man in the relationship went and got this poor little girl pregnant. Well, it's just not that way. Except in cases of rape or incest, everytime a baby is conceived there are three parties involved. The man, the woman and God.

God makes babies. That's the only way to explain why every sexual encounter (protected or not) does not result in pregnancy. That's the only way to explain why for the first eight or nine months I was married I was not on any kind of birth control and didn't get pregnant. Ending a pregnancy is outside of God's will no matter who makes the decision, man or woman.

Furthermore, it bothers me to think that men don't think they should have a say in this. Everyone needs to learn to be responsible for their own actions. If men shouldn't have a say the abortion debate, they certainly should have the right to deny child support. After all, it's all up to the woman to decide, right? Divorce responsibility for any pregnancy from men and you really have a sad situation, don't you? The idea that a man does not have a say in the abortion issue just by being male does just that. It says that though it takes a man to make a baby, a man is not needed further than that. This idea reduces men to mere sperm donors. That's not fair to anybody.

Aside from that, what is so messed up about this whole deal is that there are people who are willing to commit the most intimate of acts with people that they have no desire to create a life with. If you think enough of a person to sleep with them, you need to also think enough of them to be willing to raise a child with them. This is why God created marriage and family--so we wouldn't have difficult situations like this. If everyone did things according to God's plan for bringing children into the world we would be a lot better off.

Men, you have a say. You need to express your opinion on abortion. You need to fight for the rights of the children you help create. You need to fight for your rights as fathers. You need to be men. Stand up for yourselves, because no one is going to do this for you.

The Dubai Ports Deal--Possibly the most frustrating thing about all this is how for the past four and half years we have been told that racial profiling is wrong. Then we turn around and against the advice of our administration we write-off the Dubai Ports deal because the people in question are (gasp!) Arabs. If we ever looked like jerks to the rest of the world it is now.

It's like when Marley was less than two and she would stand at my feet and cry and whine while I was trying to get a drink for her. She didn't trust me to do what I said I would do, even when I was working on it. President Bush has declared war on terrorism, but the majority of Americans don't trust him to discern terrorists from the good guys. Why don't they trust the President?Well, the media has made President Bush out to be a bad guy.

Let me ask you this--how many times in the reporting of this story have you heard the port deal referred to as "Bush's Port Deal?" I was not aware that the President owned any ports. Did anyone really know the facts in this story before they flew off the handle and reported a bunch of inflamatory rhetoric to mislead the American public?

It's ridiculous that they would think that while waging war on terrorism, the President would blindly invite other terrorists in. If the President really thought that there was a threat involved in this port deal, wouldn't you think he would have rejected the very idea? Do we really think that the President is just waiting to sell America to the highest bidder? To believe any of this is to suggest that the voters who elected the President are completely blind, obedient sheep, being led to the slaughter by an extremely evil man. How delusional can you get?

Not only that, but the media portrays this whole saga as being solely the President's idea and solely his responsibility when reality tells us that he is but a small player in a big play. We have got to start having more faith in him than this. He's been elected to lead us and whether or not we like him, we need to follow his lead. If we don't, the whole country looks like just what the terrorists make us out to be--jerks. So far, that's what we have been about the port deal.

This is not the first time I have been frustrated with the media lately. They worked really hard to make Dick Cheney's hunting accident into a murder attempt. I even heard one reporter say that the President was not commenting on the accident but it was obvious that he was frustrated at the distraction that the VP was causing. The distraction was not caused by Dick Cheney. He was involved in an accident. If he had been the one shot, no one would have dared call the whole ordeal a distraction. Of course, they would have made that look bad on the VP too. This was again an attempt to mislead the public. The first headline I read on this story said, "Vice President Shoots Man." If you didn't go any further into the story than that, you would be wondering what prison the VP was in while awaiting trial.

To quote Charlie Brown, "AAAAUUUGGGGHHHHH!"

Have you ever accidentally hurt someone? Do you know how that feels? I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to accidentally shoot someone. I feel horrible when I step on the back of someone's shoe. Did anyone in the media take into account the feelings of Cheney or of his friend? Did any of them report this story with the sympathy that the parties involved deserved? No.

I realize that this happened several weeks ago. I realize that it may not seem very important now--but this problem is real. I'm very tired of the media making the current administration seem as evil as possible. Their job is supposed to be to report the truth and we are supposed to be able to rely on them to be impartial.

I hope that twenty years down the road we will be remembering what a great administration we have had under President Bush and that those who believe him to be an evil warmonger will be eating giant pieces of humble pie.

Ch-ch-ch-changes!

2006-03-01T05:59:00.000-08:00

I am currently experiencing a season of change. Change is a wonderful thing sometimes and very difficult sometimes. Our lives changed dramatically when Marley was born and even more dramatically when we had Laney just eleven months later. But those were good changes. When the company where Lewis worked for ten years shut the doors because of a law-suit and immediately re-hired their staff through a temp agency without their benefits--that was a bad change.

I think that the changes we are experiencing at this point are good changes and ones that will make us happier in the long run. For starters, Lewis will begin working at a new job on Monday. With it comes a substantial pay raise and lots of benefits he does not currently have. We are hopeful that this will mean not only financial security for our family, but the possibility of being able to buy a bigger house within the next couple of years.

As with any change like this I am both excited and nervous. I know that having more money will be nice, but I am also aware that if something should happen to this job, it will hurt to go back to the salary he is making now. But I know God is looking after us and we will be fine whatever happens.

The other big change that is getting ready to take place is the retirement of my boss. She has been in charge of the office where I work for the past 6 1/2 of the 7 years I have worked here. I am excited about this too, although I'm not sure what changes this will bring. Without being ugly, I will just say that I am not fond of her. I wish her well in the future, but I'm glad she is leaving. I hope that things will be better around here now.

My children are always changing and growing. We had pictures made over the weekend. When the preview of Marley's came up on the computer screen it took my breath how much older she looked. I know that baby-hood is far behind her now and that Laney is right on her heels. By this time next year all the traces of baby will be gone from both of them. No longer tiny and fragile, they will be little girls--beautiful and strong. Though I still have a lot to show them and teach them, there will soon be an independence in both of them that will pull them away from me.

I believe that we are closest to our children just after they are born when they need us the most. After that, there is a constant pulling away. It's a little sad, but at the same time if they never changed from their newborn days, we would never know the people they become. Parenthood is like a never-ending introduction. You're always finding out something new.

I am excited to see what the next few months will hold.

The Week in Review

2006-02-21T05:54:00.000-08:00

If you had woke up Monday morning last week in my bed, in my pajamas, and stumbled to my bathroom to take a shower, you would have thought that the coming week would be pretty ordinary. So what if Valentine's Day was coming. Valentine's Day is a nice celebration, if you have the money to enjoy it. Lewis and I had already agreed to wait until our tax refund came in to celebrate this occasion. So even with the holiday, there was nothing very exciting going on.

Well, Valentine's Day came and went. Marley and Laney received about a million Valentines each at their respective daycares and enough candy to keep them wound tight for about a year. There's really no meaning to children (at the tender age of two) giving Valentine cards to each other. In fact, in Marley's class, her teachers asked the parents to just put the name of their child on each card (From: Marley) and leave the rest blank (To: Whoever happens to get this one). That way, they can line up the bags for the children and just drop one in each bag. This is really a waste. Parents feel like their kids have to have the little cards, but I bet not one parent from either daycare went home on Valentine's Day and read every one of those little cards to their two-year-old. (Okay, I feel better now.)

We took the kids to Walmart and let them pick out a Valentine present from Lewis and myself. But the Valentine balloons and stuffed animals had all disappeared. We ended up getting each of them a new puzzle (homerun!) and a ball. Mom and Dad came over with some Valentine Cards for the girls. These were a little more worthwhile, considering the five dollar-bills in each one. Laney took her five out of her card and stuffed it in Daddy's shirt pocket. I don't think she quite understands the idea of money just yet.

We put the kids to bed and were just sitting and watching t.v. Laney started crying at about 10:30 and when I went to pick her up, she was burning hot. We gave her Tylenol and she slept in my lap for about half the night. When I got up, she was still fevered and restless. I called my Dad and he kept her for half of the day while I worked. Then we went to the Doctor.

Okay, so Laney is terrified of the Doctor. I try to mentally prepare her whenever we go so that maybe by some miracle, she won't freak out when he enters the room. "We're going to the see the Doctor, Laney, and he's going to help us feel better," I tell her. "Mh-hmmm. Okay." is her response. But of course, when the Doctor finally does come, she freaks out and cries the whole time he is checking her out. He checks her ears--they are clear. He does a strep test
and it comes back positive.

So all day Thursday I was at home with Laney.

Friday, I took her back to daycare. I went to work. By about 12:30 Friday afternoon I was tired of surfing the internet, but not inspired to write anything. Fridays are slow days anyway, but at work, last week was a slow week. However, Friday morning our Federal Tax Refund hit the bank. I went Friday afternoon and paid off the loan on Lewis' truck. Wooooo-hoooooo!

Saturday night, we finally celebrated Valentine's Day. Lewis had arranged for the kids to stay with his parents. We went to Carraba's for supper. We had never tried Carraba's before, and I can't say we'll be back anytime soon. The food was wonderful, but the prices were too high and it was way too loud for a romantic date. Then Lewis and I went in search of a movie.

It was 7:20 when we left the restuarant. The movies that had not already started at the regular theater were not really all that interesting, not to mention that there was a line wrapped around the front of the theater and it was about 30 degrees and windy outside. So we went to another theater. I wanted to see The Chronicles of Narnia, but it had started at 7:00 and the next showing was at 9:50. So we headed to the Omni Cinema.

What a wonderful concept this is! The Omni hosts movies that have been out for awhile but have not hit the DVD aisle yet. Their ticket price is $2.00 per person. Popcorn and drinks cost the same. Since we were full from our supper, we got to see Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire for $4.00. Oh, bliss! A movie and a really good one too, for a price Lewis could agree with.

Sunday afternoon, after picking up the kids, we went over to my cousin's new house. Her husband plays guitar and so he and Lewis spent the afternoon playing guitars and talking about guitars, and generally in guitar player world. My cousin and I played with the girls and talked about everything but guitars. It was great and I love her house. It's a three bedroom modular with a garage. The upstairs is unfinished but has the potential for three more bedrooms and a bathroom. We're not envious, but Lewis and I definitely are seeing what we want to go for when it comes to buying a house.

So you see, this was my ordinary week. I got up yesterday morning and started the next ordinary one. Let's see where this one takes us.

Happy Valentine's Day!

2006-02-14T05:29:00.000-08:00

I Love

Jesus (because He first loved me)

my mother (because I know now how much she loves me)

my father (because he's always been my hero)

my husband (because he knows my flaws and forgives them)

my children (because it's impossible not to)

my brothers (because they will always be my protectors)

my inlaws (because they accept me as one of them)

my neices and nephews (because they are always growing)

my aunts and uncles (because they helped shape who I am)

my grandparents (because they didn't spoil me)

my job (but only sometimes)

I Love

Chic-Filet Chicken Strips in Barbecue Sauce

the way Laney's hair smells

evenings in Spring, when it's just warm enough to sit on the porch

singing

poetry

holding hands and kissing

(a little romance never hurt anybody)

baking cookies and eating them while they are still warm

laughter

Cold weather in the winter

Hot weather in the summer

Christmas and Easter

and I love

smart people, good people, and most of all, real people

writing and reading (in that order)

the way Marley says "Octopus"--"Opitus" and "Elephant"--"Ebident"

daffodils . . .

Happy endings.

Social Security, Health Insurance and Other Rip-Offs

2006-02-01T12:06:00.000-08:00

While watching the State of the Union address last night, I became suddenly aware that I have not focused nearly enough lately on the issues that really affect my life. How I feel about the government is related to one thing and one thing only, my bank account.

I have worked at the same job for the past 7 years. I have contributed to the retirement plan at this establishment for as long as they have had one in place. We used to have retirement through the Annuity Board of the Southern Baptist Convention. It was a really good plan and like all retirement plans, the more money you had to put into it, the better overall plan it turned out to be. At the time I was enrolled, I contributed a certain amount, my employer contributed a percentage of my salary and the NC Baptist State Convention matched my contribution. In addition to the retirement plan, I also had a $100,000 life insurance policy.

However, a couple of years ago the church decided to split completely with the SBC. (Well, sort of--I'll explain in a minute.) They pulled the retirement from the Annuity Board and placed it with Guidestone (a program offered by the Coooperative Baptist Fellowship). The new plan is wonderful if you make a lot of money, but pretty sorry if you can't afford to contribute 7% of your salary. It has no life insurance with it. It has no matching contributions.

We were told at the time that the switch was made that the plans were comparable. Which they are, if you can afford to make them that way. I can't. So what kind of retirement will I have if I continue to work here?

The answer to that is, a lot better than if I depend on Social Security to provide my retirement. In fact, I believe with all of my heart that the contribution I have been making to Social Security every year since I began working (now going on 14 years) will be lost to the ages. I will never see any of that money. At this rate, my parents won't even see any of it.

Social Security sets it up this way. I make the money. They take the money. They pay it to someone who is retired. They pretend that someday someone will do the same for me. But it's impossible for them to promise me that. So instead of allowing me to have my money to invest as I please they take it from me and give it someone who does not have young children to support, someone who is not trying desperately to pay off hospital bills, and make car payments so that I can get to work.

And another thing. . .

Remember when I said that this church pulled out of the SBC? Well, they did. In every area, every way EXCEPT that they offer the cheapest health insurance plan they could find. So our retirement is through the CBF. Our health insurance is through the Annuity Board of the SBC. We used to have a really good health insurance plan. 80/20 hospitalization, $20 co-pay at the Dr.'s, $40 for specialists, $150 for ER visits. Two years ago, we switched to a plan with a $2000 deductible, $100 deductible for prescriptions, and just all around lousy benefits otherwise.

For awhile I was actually crazy enough to have our kids on this plan. But I shopped around and got a plan that was actually cheaper with better benefits on my own. Lewis has no health insurance. Up until last year he had an even better plan than mine. But he changed jobs and the new company does not have this benefit. He could pay it out of pocket but we can't afford it.

In December, Lewis was seen in our local ER due to a kidney infection (incidently, caused by a kidney stone that he passed about a month ago). Total cost of the three hours he spent there--$1268. The patient representative called me last week to set up payment arrangements. She informed me that we got at discount because we didn't have him insured. Did you catch that? We got a discount. Wooooo-hooo! No small discount, mind you. It was nearly $600.

Wait a minute--they can knock $600 off his medical bill just because he doesn't have insurance. That's $600 that they don't need to charge ANYBODY--not the insurance companies, not the self-payers, and certainly not medicaid.

First off, health care is ridiculously expensive. Can anyone tell me what was worth $400 an hour that they did for my husband at the ER? They took no x-rays. They kept us waiting for over an hour and a half before he even saw a doctor. They did blood work and they gave him i.v. drugs. Nothing they did looked like rocket-surgery to me. If that amount of work is worth that price, I am really in the wrong business.

Add into all of this the soaring gasoline prices and the cost of good child care and you can see why couples like my husband and I are in a constant struggle to make ends meet. So little of what we make ever actually falls into our hands and that is very discouraging.

Wouldn't it be nice, if every politician could know, just once, the worry that comes with having to live paycheck to paycheck? I think that would make a big difference in the policies we have now.

I sincerely hope that the President will be able to enact the programs he discussed last night. I hope that Social Security, Health Care and about a thousand other things will be reviewed, discussed and changed to the benefit of the American people during the next year. But my fear is that a Democratic party that claims they seek bi-partisanship, will railroad every possible solution just because they don't like the "Dubya."

Where do we come out in all this?

A Visit with a Soldier

2006-01-31T06:03:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Jim was home. Jim is my husband's cousin who is currently serving in the National Guard. Since August, he has been in Iraq, working on the wrecker crew, keeping the roads clear.

He actually lives about two hours north of us, but he took time out during this short leave to visit with my in-laws. It was good to see him and his family.

Jim and I have always picked on each other. We have these little verbal wars that usually are a lot of fun (for me) because I'm used to having to fight this kind of battle. My oldest brother made very sure that I would never let a little teasing get the best of me--mostly through constant exposure. However, I get the feeling that Jim never quite developed thick enough skin to handle a good burn. He plays along, but a couple of years ago I started realizing that Jim really thinks I don't like him.

That's not true at all. Jim is the kind of lovable red-neck you can't help but like. He's done some pretty stupid things in his time, but he's also a good father and a loyal and patriotic soldier. He's been through a lot during his young life and I have a lot of respect for him.

For one thing, I grew up in a loving two-parent home. Jim's mom left when he was a small child and his father re-married a woman who really doesn't like kids. As a result, Jim ended up spending his teen years living in a variety of homes. He lived with my in-laws for awhile, with his grandmother, and in an odd twist, with my sister-in-law's parents. He's had it rough. But at the same time, he's also been raised with a "Poor-Jim" kind of attitude. He thinks that if you don't subscribe to the "Poor-Jim" philosophy and thereby handle him gently, that you must hate him. I have thereby made a promise to myself to lay off the insults when he is around. Now, if I just had something to talk to him about.

Thankfully, he brought pictures with him. He was showing us some of the wrecks he's cleaned up and what it's like over there. One picture was of a Mountain Dew truck. He said that the soldiers were all mad over that one. Evidently, they didn't get Mountain Dew for a couple of weeks after that. One picture was an overturned truck that appeared to have been hauling some kind of concrete pillar. The pillar was huge. He kept saying that the explosive used to blow up that truck must have been massive just to move that heavy concrete like it did. He had pictures of Iraqi children. He says that they come to the gates everyday begging for candy or money. He said if you don't give them something, they often curse you. He explained that the police in that part of the world don't believe in police brutality. If you get on their nerves, they just shoot you. It was all very interesting.

Lewis asked him if he thought that they were making any progress over there. His answer was, "Yes, and no." I think that's probably about the most accurate thing I've heard said about this whole mess.

I believe in the war effort. I believe that we are doing some good over there. But I also believe that there are people there that will never be reached. They will never accept the changes that we are trying to implement. Some of them will cling to an old way of life, not because it was better, but because it is familiar. Time is the only thing that will prove to them what freedom really means. Let us hope that we are willing to give enough time to make that happen.

Terrific Twos . . . Impossible Threes

2006-01-26T10:07:00.000-08:00

Whoever said that two-year- olds were difficult to deal with never met mine. Since her second birthday, she has turned into an absolute joy. It's the three-year-old that is driving us crazy.

Most babies during their first year will go through a kind of honeymoon period, where they are just absolutely a blast to play with and look after. Laney was no different. In fact, I'd say that from the time she was about 4 months old until she was about 18 months, she was wonderful to be around. She was not lacking any of the stubborn nuances of her personality, she was just really happy and easy to play with. I took this as a reward for suffering through the first few months of her life, when all she did was cry.

Then, at about 18 months, she became very difficult. She's very active and stubborn. Put those two things together and you get an almost unstoppable force. Well, I'm just stubborn enough try to be the immovable object in her path. And you know what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object . . .

But recently, she has sprouted a new halo and wings. She says things that make you just gush like, "Daddy is my buddy," and "Mommy is my teethot." (That's 'sweeheart'--What? You don't speak two-year-old?) She will sit and look at a book by herself for minutes at a time. Most recently, I have been reading Mr. Brown Can Moo to her with her trying to imitate every sound. These are priceless moments.

IF--if they weren't interrupted by the almost constant questions, complaints and crying offered by her sister. I love my Marley immensely. She is an extremely bright child. But lately, she's just simply exhausting.

She cries at the least little thing. Not real crying, mind you--the extremely loud, fake kind of sobbing that drives you crazy. My friend Tim calls it "dry bawling." She does it just to get your attention and if you make her leave the room because she is crying (which I do) she just cries louder to make sure you can hear her.

She does things just to make a mess or to make you mad. She will go and do the very thing that you tell her not to do and when you discipline her for it, she acts like you've wronged her.

Half the time she wants to do everything for herself and the other half of the time she wants you do everything for her. Forget about asking her to pick up her toys or help you clean up, she'll quickly tell you she wants you to do it. I'm doing my best not to fly apart at the seams when she tells me she doesn't want to do something.

In the midst of dealing with this difficult version of my once very sweet, compliant child are short glimpses of her former self. Yesterday, on the way home she starts telling me that she missed me and Daddy and Laney during the day. It was a great moment. But once we got home she immediately started snatching toys away from Laney, ignoring everything I told her and getting on Lewis' nerves by crying almost all night. I guess right now, this is the way she shows love.

I know it's a stage. And I know we'll get through it and be fine. This is just the kind of test that proves unconditional love. Because as difficult as Marley was last night, I still wanted to hold and cuddle her until she fell asleep. She wouldn't let me, mind you, but I wanted to.

Tonight the girls are going to spend the night at my mother's house. I am convinced that I need it and that Marley needs it as well. Maybe Mama can straighten her out! Just kidding. However, I am sure that when I go to pick them up on Saturday, I will be greeted with excited hugs and be better able to handle the intensity of this great assignment I've been given--parenthood.

Movies

2006-01-23T05:48:00.000-08:00

When I was a little girl, we rarely went to the movies. In fact, I can only remember three instances from my childhood when I went to a theater at all. I remember my grandmother taking all of her granddaughters to see Snow White when it was re-released in theaters. She did this because it was new when she was a small girl and she actually got to see it in a theater then. It left a lasting impression on her and she wanted to share that with us. I was about nine. I vaguely remember going to the theater to see a Bugs Bunny movie with a group from the daycare where I stayed during one summer. But the first and only movie my parents ever took me to see in the theater was Driving Miss Daisy. I think I was about twelve.

Perhaps this is why I have an almost unhealthy fascination with movies now. I especially love to go see a movie in the theater. When I was in college, one of my favorite things to do was to haul a bunch of friends up to the $1.50 theater about an hour away from school and see an almost ready for video movie.

I love everything about it. I love that the floors are sticky. I love that the sound is almost too loud to stand it. I love the greasy popcorn and the uncomfortable seats. There's just no way around it, I love the movies.

I get wrapped up in the stories. I can quote lines from some of my favorites. If I really like a movie, I can watch it about a hundred times and never get tired of it. However, there are only about three films I've seen in the theater more than once. I ended up seeing Dumb and Dumber twice because I was with a group of friends the second time who had not seen it and they insisted. I went to see Twister twice--once with my boyfriend, and once with my brother. (I'll talk about seeing movies with my brother in a minute).

I love for Lewis to take me to the movies. We've argued about it a couple of times because he says that going to the movies is expensive. But he knows how much I love going and so we've never completely sworn off movies altogether.

One of my favorite people to go see a movie with is my brother. When the Star Wars original trilogy was re-released in theaters. We went to see them together. Because the films were familiar we kept a hilarious running commentary going while we were watching them. We might have annoyed the people around us, but we sure had a good time. He made me go see The Fifth Element with him instead of the Nicholas Cage movie I wanted to see. It was the right decision. Lewis gets annoyed because I end up watching that particular movie over and over when I find it on one of the movie channels. The only time he ever got on my nerves was when we went to see Tomb Raider and he did his impression of Billy Bob Thornton as Carl in Slingblade the whole way through the movie. That movie was bad enough on its own.

I have been to the movies alone on a couple of occasions. It's a little weird when you first go and sit down, but once the movie starts, you don't notice so much. I saw Good Will Hunting this way.

I don't get to go nearly as often as I'd like. Especially since the children came along. But a couple of months ago, Lewis and I took Marley to see Chicken Little in the theater. It was her first movie in a theater and the dawn of a new day for Lewis and myself. Soon we will be able to go see movies as a family.

Knowing me, I'll probably take my kids to the movies too often and they'll end up hating them. You never can tell. But last Saturday morning, I awoke to Laney and Marley standing at my bedside. The first words from Laney's mouth were, "Let's otch a moomee. Come on."

In Over My Head

2006-01-16T05:46:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking a whole lot lately about a saying that I have heard all of my life. You know the one, "God won't ever put on you more than you can handle." This is a nice thought. But it's a simplification. The real truth is a lot more complicated than this.

I've been in over my head all my life. But I heard this statement so many times when I was pregnant with Laney that it started to be a sort of background noise in my head. I clung to this philosophy for a while, until I started to realize that there are millions of people who are trying to do more than they can handle every day just because they believe this. They are stressed out, worried and wondering why the ends just never meet.

There are two things that people don't realize about this statement. First, God doesn't necessarily put any of our responsibilities on us. We make choices. We have been given free will and that means that we have the power to overwhelm ourselves. The power is our own. Humans have an incredible tendency to want to fill up every hour of the day. If we take on too much, it is not because God put it on us, but usually because we have chosen it. Sometimes, it may not have been obvious that we were making the choice, but it still was a choice.

Secondly, the statement is not finished. It should be, "God won't ever put on you more than you can handle through His strength." If you aren't trusting God to get you through whatever kind of day you're having, you will be overwhelmed. You will never find peace until you lay those burdens of the day in His hands.

I went through the hardest time of my life just after Laney was born. I was stressed out and had more to do than I knew how to do. Laney cried constantly. Marley strained for my attention. Lewis and I were at odds all the time. That was the most miserable time of my life. Lewis did his best to try and help me and I was always taking out my frustrations on him. I realize, looking back now, that I was trying to do it all myself. That's why I was so miserable.

When I started looking to the Lord, I started realizing the real priorities of my life. Whether the house is clean doesn't matter. If I allow all the stuff I have to do to get in the way of the relationship I have with my husband and my kids, if I allow all that to take away my time with God, I will end up losing the very things I am fighting for.

If it will make me trust God fully, I hope to always be in over my head.

Last night at church the choir sang a song that I had sort of forgotten about. I remember singing it in the car when I got caught in a thunder storm. On more than one occasion it has given me peace. Hearing it again brought tears to my eyes. I thought I'd share the words to "'Til the Storm Passes By" by Mosie Lister.

In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face,

While the storm howls above me, and there's no hiding place.

'Mid the crash of the thunder, precious Lord, hear my cry,

"Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by."

'Til the storm passes over, 'til the thunder sounds no more,

'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky,

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand;

Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

Many times Satan whispered, "There is no use to try,

For there's no end of sorrow, there's no hope by and by."

But I know Thou art with me, and tomorrow I'll rise

Where the storm never darkens the skies.

'Til the storm passes over, 'til the thunder sounds no more,

'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky.

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand;

Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

When the long night has ended and the storms come no more,

Let me stand in Thy presence on that bright, peaceful shore.

In that land where the tempest never comes, Lord, may I

Dwell with Thee when the storm passes by.

'Til the storm passes over, 'til the thunder sounds no more,

'Til the clouds roll forever from the sky.

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand;

Keep me safe 'til the storm passes by.

Helping the Poor

2006-01-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

If you want to talk about faith-based initiatives, I am in the thick of it. My grandfather has teased me to no end ever since he found out that I am the benevolence agent for the church where I am employed. He's always telling me not to be so hard-hearted. Technically, I am under the governance of the Benevolence Committee in this capacity, but the major part of the decision process is left to me. Here are some of the guidelines they have laid out for me--

Photo Identification is required.
There will be no distribution of cash money to any person.
Certain monthly bills and other expenses are not our responsibility and it is not our policy to distribute funds for light bills, phone bills, rent or house payment, medicines, clothing, or motel rooms.
We can help with groceries (up to $30), gasoline (not to exceed $15) and bus tickets (up to $30).

In addition to this the ladies of the church operate a food pantry that is mostly stocked with items for people who are homeless or traveling. Through it we distribute vienna sausages, beans, fruit cups, juice boxes, etc.

Unless there are very unusual circumstances, we only help a person once. That's it--one time.
Not once a year or once every couple of years, one time-period.

Yearly, the church budgets around $2000 for benevolence. We usually run out of budgeted funds by August or September.

On top of all this, I can honestly tell you that about 85% of the time I feel like I am giving out help to people who don't deserve it and don't really honestly need it. The rest of the time, I wish that there were some way to do more.

And by more, I mean, I wish that I could give those that really need our help better than the one time fix that we offer. Have you been to the grocery store lately? I can't get out of there without spending $50 and we only give them $30. A bus ticket for $30 dollars will basically only get you to the next state. I'm pretty sure that anyone traveling on one of those tickets is only going to the next town and the next church to ask for help again. And what happens when the half-tank of gas we provide runs out?

We don't offer these people any way out of the mess they are in. We don't offer any kind of solution. We don't offer anything that will really change the direction their lives are headed.
It's depressing, because when I really want to help someone all I can offer is a temporary fix, or even worse, just a band-aid to slap over the problem. Until you can offer people a way to support themselves, you haven't really helped them.

Now, I've told you about the people that I feel really deserve help. Let me tell you about the ones who don't.

I understand that there are people in this world that have not had the opportunities I have had. I understand that there are people in the world that have not been raised with good manners, or job-seeking skills, or even blessed with common sense. However, anyone who comes looking for help and is not willing to answer a few questions, does not deserve help. Anyone who shambles into my office, plops down in a chair, grabs a handful of candy from the candy bowl, and proceeds with a mouthful of candy to say, "Is this where they give out the food vouchers?" does not deserve help. Anyone who brings their neighbor and their best friend, and their best friend's mama, who all say, "Me too," when you bring out the application for assistance, does not deserve help.

The very large woman who drives up in a large practically new car, and talks on a cell phone while answering my questions, does not need help. Her friend that she brings back a day later doesn't need it either.

The guy who comes in asking for a bus ticket that's more than we can afford to help with, but gets food from the pantry and three hours later shows up looking for more food, does not need help. His friend that shows up with him two days later with money in his hand asking for help with a bus ticket, doesn't need it.

The cross-dressed man who comes in and tries to hit on the preacher does not need help with a bus ticket--unless it is to a psychiatric ward. (That was a day to remember.)

What's really tough about this is that sometimes it gets really scary. I don't know when or if one of the people that I turn away (and believe me I try to be very kind when I have to do this) will become violent. We have taken steps to make sure that I am never truly alone with these strangers, but there's always a chance that one could be carrying a weapon, or waiting for me when I leave to go to home. I don't want to think that someone would do this, but they are essentially trying to steal from the church. I wouldn't put it past them.

I can honestly say that on occasion I have given out assistance just to get people to leave. I have had to call the police several times. I have told some people repeatedly that they needed i.d. just to have them show up without it over and over. I have told some that we only help once, only to have them return over and over wanting me to make an exception. This is not easy.

So the next time you hear about faith-based initiatives replacing government assistance programs, think about the church down the street. This isn't an answer to this problem. It just puts it in different hands.

Until an organization can offer someone in need a job--there is no solution.

Pondering the Chicken Nugget

2006-01-06T09:13:00.000-08:00

It's Friday and I thought about doing a really serious post. But the fact is, when I post on something serious I usually can't stand the wait until I'm back where I can see my comments (not that I have that many comments lately). So instead, I thought I would pose a question (of little consequence) that has been on my mind lately.--"How come if you buy chicken nuggets from the fast-food establishment of your choice, the nuggets will be shaped like circles or boots?"

Circles I can understand. Circles are a standard shape. But boots? I'm sitting here eating a Chicken McNugget from McDonald's right now and it is shaped exactly like a Christmas stocking. Who developed this idea? Am I supposed to feel as if I'm eating a foot? I'm assuming that if I am supposed to feel as if I'm eating a foot that it is not a chicken's foot as chickens do not normally wear boots. So is it a human foot? Boy, that's just sick!

Maybe I'm not supposed to feel as if I'm eating the foot, but rather just the foot covering. But I would think that eating piece of deep-fried boot would be quite a bit less tender than the tasty morsels I'm enjoying right now.

Imagine the guy at the chicken nugget factory sitting there waiting to press the chicken into its assigned shape. I imagine a tool made much like a cookie-cutter to accomplish this. So there he sits days after day. Circle in one hand, boot in the other. Miles and miles of unpressed chicken rolling by. (Gee, that was a little depressing.)

I wonder if there is a certain ratio of circles to boots that the chicken people expect. Is it one circle for every boot, or two boots for every circle, or some other variation? Do they gauge production by two numbers? "Hey Joe, did you make more boots or circles today?"

Before Hardees was famous for their enormous burgers, they used to have chicken nuggets that were shaped like stars. I wonder if they still have those. Tyson Chicken offers frozen chicken nuggets in the shape of Veggie-Tales characters. Which is ingenious because the shapes they come in are patterned after Larry the Cucumber and Bob the Tomato--an oval and a circle! Wow!

Another thing, why don't they sell beef nuggets? Do beef nuggets even exist? What about pork nuggets? Why do the very names "beef nuggets" and "pork nuggets" sound a little nasty, while people on a daily basis order chicken nuggets without even flinching. How about "turkey nuggets?"

Don't you love that they offer you a choice of sauce with your nuggets too? It's like they're saying, "These aren't really all that good by themselves, but if you cover up the way they really taste--MMMMMMMMHHHHHHMMMMM!

Maybe if nuggets were made from free range chickens they wouldn't have a shape. Maybe that's where the whole "Chicken Strip" rage has come from lately.

Anyway, I hope that this will give you something to ponder, that is if you needed something. If you didn't, I'm sorry to give you one more thing. Have a nice weekend.

Toyland

2005-12-28T05:16:00.000-08:00

Since the girls were born it seems like every December 26th I start wishing we had saved our Christmas money to go toward buying a bigger house. We could have easily thrown away every toy the girls had on December 23rd and started over from scratch. I'm not sure they would even miss anything.

Not that I am not thankful for all the wonderful things that people got them. We really are blessed that they have so many people in their lives who care to get them things this time of year. It seems like every time I blinked there was someone else who had thought of them. It means a lot to know that your children are special to other people.

I'm always surprised which toys they really end up playing with the most. They usually are things I wouldn't have even thought of. For example, my brother (you know him as Tugboatcap'n) and his wife got Marley the game "Don't Break the Ice." She will play with it as long as you sit there putting the pieces together for her. She loves it. I never would have guessed.

Laney received eight or nine of the cutest baby dolls I think I have ever seen. I'm not sure if we are preparing her for motherhood or to open her own daycare center. She also got a baby bed and the stroller and carrier to go with those dolls.

It was a wonderful Christmas. I broke with tradition and actually got Lewis three things that he has used and is not planning to take back.

The girls were at peace with each other. I guess there were enough new things for them to be able to share. And we all just enjoyed each other.

I think though that the most memorable thing for me was the ride to my mom's after church on Christmas Day. I told Marley that I loved her and asked her if she loved me. She said she did and that I was her best friend. Lewis then said that he thought he was her best friend. She replied, "You are, you and Mommy and Aney." I said, "You know Marley, we're family, and that's better than being friends." She replied, "Yeah, let's all be friends like Grandma." I hope we can always "be friends like Grandma" if it means we can be as happy and as close as I felt to my husband and my children over this holiday. Maybe if the whole world could feel that way we wouldn't have so many things to worry about.

Sounds of the Season

2005-12-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

Last night on my drive home from choir practice, I scanned the radio for Christmas music. I don't turn into a Christmas nut this time of year--having to have Christmas absorb every aspect of my life--but I do enjoy the season. I especially enjoy the music of the season.

During the time I was scanning the radio, I heard three different arrangements of The Christmas Song ("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire"), the arrangement of White Christmas with the really cool backing vocals ("Dup-dup, dup-da-dup-dup"), and the perhaps the oddest thing I have ever heard anyone play on the radio, The Twelve Days of Christmas performed by The Muppets. It was all thoroughly enjoyable although I'm having trouble figuring out why anyone would play last one on the radio. Muppets are kind of visual . . . I digress. It got me thinking about how important music is to me in making Christmas real.

I am amazed at just how many Christmas songs there are. Even more amazing is the shear number of Christmas songs that I like. I have no use for Elton John's Christmas Song, or George Michael's and (dare I say it) I can't stand The First Noel. But my reasons for not liking these songs stem from stupidity in the lyrics. For example, Elton John's Christmas Song, actually begins with the lyric, "Welcome to my Christmas song." Blech! For those of you who are wondering about The First Noel, just take a minute to look it up and read the text. It's very poorly written. The message is good I guess but ever since I realized what a bad poem it is, I can't sing it without being annoyed. Anyway, aside from these three I can't think of a single Christmas song that I don't like. (Unless Neil Young ever made a Christmas album and then I hate everything on that.) That's really saying something considering how many there are.

And it is so great when you come across a really good arrangement of a beloved Christmas song. One of the arrangements of The Christmas Song that I listened to on the way home was by Vince Gill. It was wonderful, if for no other reason but that no one on earth has a voice to compare with Vince. Raven Simone (of That's So Raven) was singing Silent Night the other night on the Disney Channel. What she did with that song was absolutely beautiful. And Steven Curtis Chapman does O Come, O Come Emmanuel on his first Christmas album in a way that is both touching and glorious. There's no real way to describe how I feel when I hear a Christmas song done well. It's magical.

I also love the fun songs. A couple of years ago, the country group Ricochet recorded a version of Let It Snow that is unbelievable to listen to. There is perhaps nothing cheesier on earth than the backing vocals on Elvis' Blue Christmas, and I absolutely adore it. I love Sleigh Ride in all it's forms and variations. And of course there's my favorite novelty song of the season, Christmas with the Family. (You were expecting something about grandmothers and reindeer, weren't you?)

But it's not just my individual experience of hearing these songs on the radio that makes them special. It's when I get to sing them with a choir, or with my kids while driving home from work, or with the congregation of my church, that makes them special. See, to me it seems, that no matter what the song talks about, if it celebrates Christmas it is in fact, celebrating Christ. And where two or three are gathered in His name, He has promised to be there. That's what Christmas is about--God coming to be with us. What better way to gather in His name than to lift our voices in song?

I sincerely hope that everyone out there in blog-world will have a very Merry Christmas!

Counting One Particularly Big Blessing

2005-12-12T11:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday afternoon at about 2:00, Lewis finally asked me what I had been waiting for him to ask me all day--would I take him to the doctor. He had been running a fever since the day before and complaining that he hurt all over, among other things. We left home to take him to Urgent Care with the girls with us.

Unfortunately, the Urgent Care in our hometown has moved and we didn't know. We had the girls with us, but I thought that would be fine because we were just going to the Dr. Well, we ended up going to a different Urgent Care office in another town close by. The nurse there took one look at him and sent us to the Emergency Room.

In the meanwhile, Lewis is looking paler and paler. Marley and Laney have not had decent naps or lunch and I have not had a decent nap or lunch. So, I did what most people who have the luxury would do in such a situation, I called my mommy. Mom and Dad came and took the girls home with them, so that I could fully concentrate on Lewis.

We spent three hours in the emergency room just waiting. Lewis was in a lot of pain. When they finally finished drawing blood and getting samples, the Doctor came and told us that he had a kidney infection. He immediately started giving Lewis antibiotics and pain medication through an i.v.

While I was sitting there waiting with him, my mind was racing. I can't bear to be that worried or scared and so I bowed my head and began to pray. I think my prayer began, "Lord, why me? Lord, why Lewis?, Why is it that we can't seem to all be well at the same time in this family?" But then the Lord began to speak to me. I remembered that even though what I was going through was hard, at least I was going through it.

Let me explain, if the Lord had not given me Lewis, I would not have been at the emergency room on Saturday night. If He had not blessed me with this good man, I would not have my wonderful children. I probably would not have my job. I probably would not have a home of my own. I would not have any of the happy memories of the past eight years. God has blessed me by giving me Lewis in the first place. At least if I have to worry over something, I have someone worth worrying over.

I cannot fathom what it must be like to sit beside the bed of your loved one and know that they are not going to recover. I don't know how someone can stand to watch their loved one leave this world. But I can tell you this much, I'm blessed to know the best source of strength to make it through such things. When and if that time ever comes, I am blessed that I know who gave Lewis to me and to whom he returns.

Tomorrow makes eight years since the day I met Lewis. We live about two miles from the house where we met, but we have come such a long way together. And perhaps the biggest blessing of all is knowing that we still have a long way to go.

Everybody is Sick . . . Again

2005-12-05T05:22:00.000-08:00

Late last week I began to feel the old familiar soreness in the back of my throat that can only mean one thing--I'm getting a sinus infection. I have had sinus infections for years. I started getting them as a teenager and had them so often that our family doctor was on standby to call in a prescription for me whenever the first symptoms started to appear. Those of you who have never experienced the special kind of joy one of these infections bring, you are really missing out.

They start with a kind of icky taste in the back of your mouth, and then your throat becomes sore. It won't be a raging kind of sore, mind you, just a little rawness from the drainage in the back of your throat. Say you go to bed with this kind of sore throat one night, the next morning you will wake up unable to breathe through your nose because it has been packed with what feels like wet cement. Your throat will not be sore anymore. But because you have not been able to breathe half the night, your lips will be two dried out, peeling, swollen sausages. The inside of your mouth and your teeth will be covered in a weird dry but somehow wet at the same time slime. Perhaps the worst part of all of this is, after you have brushed your teeth, you won't really feel all that bad.

It's not like the flu. It doesn't actually take you out of commission. You won't run any fever. You won't have any body aches. Your appetite will be fine, except that you can't taste anything. You really won't even want to lie down and sleep very much because of the way your mouth gets dried out. This kind of infection is just enough to make you miserable as you go about your daily business.

About the third morning of all this, you will start to be able to breathe through your nose again. Now you have a new problem in that you will not be able to speak above a whisper. This will last for about a day and a half. During which time, one of your little girls will decide it is the perfect time to really test her limits. The other one will begin running a scortching fever and not be able to sleep for longer than about thirty minutes at a time. Your husband will then start to complain that his throat is hurting and (horrors!) that he IS aching all over.

It is at this point that you begin praying some of the sincerest prayers of your life. "Lord, please don't let him have the flu." "Lord, please let Laney's fever come down." "Lord, please keep me from killing Marley for coloring on the wall."

On the morning of the fifth day, you will wake up mildly congested. Your voice will be back. You will get up, get ready for work and let your husband worry about taking the baby to the doctor.

You will be thankful that you did not end up taking Laney to the emergency room during the night. You will be thankful that Marley's ear infection from last week seems to be diminishing. You will be thankful that your husband has a day off during the week, so you don't miss work to take a child to the doctor again. You will be thankful that all of this happened over the course of a weekend and not during the week. You will be thankful for Tylenol, Alka-Seltzer, and Amoxicillin. And you will be hopeful that next weekend, everybody will be well again.

They Ort Notta Do Such Things!

2005-12-02T09:57:00.000-08:00

I'm growing evermore astounded at the stupification and trashification of American pop culture. My favorite example of this (currently) is a line from a country song--You can see the neighbors butt-crack nailing on his shingles, and his woman's smoking Pall Malls watching Laura Ingalls. The line is from the song, Hicktown, by Jason Aldean. Jason is an up and coming country singer and the song has made it pretty big--thanks in part to the atrocity of the line I have quoted. (By the way, I wish I could have written this post without quoting that song, but I couldn't find a way around it. If you have the song now rolling through your mind on a continuous loop, I am truly sorry.)

My first objection (aside from the fact that the line is grammatically atrocious) is that this is way too vivid. Everytime I hear the song, I have that image flashing in my mind. Ewwwwwwww! Of all the things in the world someone could pick to sing about and that radio stations would choose to play, why is this particular image something anyone would want to focus on?

I'll tell you why--because the entire premise of that song is to celebrate the tackiest and trashiest sector of our population. (Do I sound snobby enough yet?) This is just an example of a growing trend.

I love country music. I was raised on country music. I have listened to it all my life. I especially love OLD country music. It's cheesy in the most delicious kind of way. I'm not saying that country music has ever conveyed the most ethical of themes. It's not always been family oriented. However, never before has the element I am talking about been celebrated so.

For example, Toby Keith recently had a big hit with As Good As I Once Was. The first verse of the song describes a scenario in which a young woman and her twin sister proposition the singer in a bar. Again, ewwwww. Okay, I don't have a sister, but I would assume that if I did, I would not want her to be involved in any kind of sexual activity with me. It's wrong on so many levels I don't know where to start. Toby Keith presents this as a totally agreeable thing.

Gretchen Wilson, who is an excellent singer when she has a good song, recently release a single entitled All Jacked Up. This song is a celebration of drinking too much Jack Daniels and the follies thereof. This is a follow-up to her other big singles, Redneck Woman and I'm Here for the Party--in which she sings Gonna have a little fun, gonna get me some. I don't think she's talking about pretzels and beer.

Alot of this music doesn't even fit the country style. If Hicktown had been released in 1985, it would have been a hard rock song. It has a driving beat and edgy sound. The only thing that is remotely country about it is the subject matter and the twang in the singer's voice.

And maybe that's what bothers me most about it. These people who are making so much money off presenting this kind of trash to the world, paint a picture of country-living as constant drinking, and sex without commitment and well, people without standards. It doesn't fit with the country music other artists are gracing us with--music that celebrates love and marriage and commitment and even sometimes God.

About two years ago I saw an article in a magazine that named Big and Rich and GretchenWilson as the artists that were going to save country music. I sure hope not. If so, my kids will certainly not grow up on country music.

Why Abortion is Wrong

2005-11-11T05:38:00.000-08:00

I wrote a post a long while back on my beliefs about abortion. At the time, I think the reason the issue had come to mind was a debate in the local paper about the availability of the RU486 abortion pill and whether pharmacists should be able to deny prescriptions for that pill.

But since then, I've thought alot about another post I read on the same subject. In the post I read, (it's been a long time, so I don't remember where) the person writing described a scenario in which a young woman had an abortion while she was very young because she was unable to financially or emotionally support the child she was carrying. The post then described what a caring and wonderful mother this young lady became when she did have children. It also went on to tell how she was actually a good mother for aborting the first child because aborting was in effect protecting this child from a bad situation.

Let's get this straight--She got pregnant at a time in her life when she was neither emotionally or financially ready to support a child. Then she went to abortion doctor and had her baby killed so that she would not have to handle the burden of raising him/her or finding someone to adopt him/her. And she's a GOOD mother?

At the time I read this, I was simply flabbergasted. I wasn't sure how to even address this. But yesterday I started to realize why abortion is so wrong, in every sense and in every scenario.

Take a look at the picture of my kids above. Notice how different they are.

Marley is destined to be tall and thin. Laney will probably always be a little on the shorter, rounder side. Laney is strawberry blonde. Her hair is just now beginning to curl in the back. Marley's hair is brown and for the most part it is straight. When they were babies, Marley's hair stuck straight up from the time she was about four months old until after she started walking, while Laney's always looked like it had just been combed. Marley is dark-skinned and Laney is fair.

Their personalities are like that too. Marley is compliant and sweet. She likes quiet activities like coloring and playing with play-doh. Laney is fiesty. She loves to talk. The more destructive and messy an activity the better she likes it.

See the reason why abortion is so wrong, is because my kids are so different. Each child conceived is an individual. Each child aborted is an individual's life cut short. The young lady in the scenario I described did not just put off the birth of her first child to a later date. She killed her first child and is now raising her second. She will never know that first child. She will never know if he/she had blonde hair or black hair. She will never know what that child's personality is like. She's missed out on the joy of knowing that person, or allowing some other willing couple to know that person. Yes, she would have had to struggle to raise that child. But raising children is never easy. We'll never know if she aborted a person who would have done something great, like cure cancer, or nothing very remarkable at all, except bring more individuals into the world.

Each child aborted is a person missing from the world. It does not matter how that child was conceived. It only matters that it was conceived. God makes children and as they told me when I was little, He doesn't make mistakes.

A Sense of Accomplishment

2005-11-07T10:48:00.000-08:00

Have you ever done something you were really proud of? I was a member of the University Choir all four years of college. I majored in English, so you know I was not required to be a member of this group. I earned one credit hour each semester and the easy "A" was not a big boost to my GPA. However, I got loads of satisfaction out of being in this class. The harder the music, the better I liked it. There was something special about practicing and perfecting a choral piece day by day. It was hard work. Each semester we would present a concert at the end of the year. At the end of the concert, I think everyone involved would say they felt a degree of pride and joy at having been a part of the whole thing. It was an accomplishment.

One night last week I happened to come across part of an old Porky Pig cartoon on Boomerang. In this cartoon Uncle Sam was explaining American History to Porky. At the point I began watching, Paul Revere was making his famous ride. The cartoon went on to depict the Revolutionary War, the ratification of the Constitution, and the Emancipation of the Slaves. It was very interesting and obviously from a time when cartoons were made not just for the entertainment of children.

The cartoon got me thinking about how our country came to be what it is and has been. We started out with some very remarkable people making some very important decisions. I am amazed by the organization and detail that went into framing our goverment. Our forefathers worked very hard to make our nation something to be proud of and it was this pride in our nation that caused it to grow from a group of renegade rebels to a nation envied around the globe. Our government, our United States is an accomplishment.

But something is happening to the pride of this accomplishment. We are no longer revered as the great nation we used to be. Other countries now look to us in hatred rather than out of admiration. Americans no longer believe that America is the best place in the world to be. Oh, I know it's not politically correct for us to say that America is better than any other place in the world. But there was a time when that was a perfectly natural thing for any American to say and at that time, it was.

Why was it? Because we believed it was. We had pride. We had a sense of accomplishment. What has happened to that pride? I believe it started to fade when Americans began looking to the hand-out.

I work every day at a church. On a weekly basis an average of three people come into my office asking for help. It's always a good story and usually, I try to help however I can within the guidelines I have been given by the church benevolence committee. I'm always depressed a little about this aspect of my job. First of all because I see a lot of people asking for help that don't really need it. Secondly, because the ones that really do need help don't get near enough. That is my opinion of welfare in this country. I believe that public assistance robs people of the initiative to take care of themselves. I believe that robs them of pride in themselves and of any sense of accomplishment they might have.

Too many Americans anymore believe that there is some hand-out coming there way. There is something they are entitled to that they have not yet received. Whether it's the Publisher's Clearing House Prize or their monthly check--there are far too many people now who believe that they should get something for free.

Do you think that this is what the framers of our government had in mind? I don't. I think that our forefathers believed that the people of our nation should know the value of hard work and pride of accomplishing great things.

After all they did seek to ". . . establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessing of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity . . . " I believe that these words mean that our forefathers wanted this nation to know peace, safety, and the freedom to pursue our own sense of accomplishment. What do they mean to you?

Butterflies, Butterflies . . .

2005-11-01T13:28:00.000-08:00

At Mark's Request--A Picture of Daffy

2005-10-27T06:39:00.000-07:00

This was taken awhile back. But I haven't changed much. My hair is a little shorter now.

A weird occurence . . .

2005-10-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday at Walmart, I was walking along looking for the shortest check-out line, and this guy started following me. He wasn't directly behind me, just sort of beside me and behind me at the same time--just close enough to make me feel creepy. After following me like this for about 6 rows (all the while checking out what I've got in my cart), he says to me, "I'm not following you--I mean, I am, but I'm not."

Are you creeped out yet?

I was. Well, he proceeded to follow me until I indeed found the shortest line. Then he got in line behind me. Then he says, "Do you have a baby?"

Duh, I was buying diapers. "Yes."

"How old is your baby?"

"She's 2."

"Oh, I have a 2 year-old grandson."

"Oh."

"Do you have other kids?"

"Yes." Okay, again Sherlock, when someone is buying an economy size box of diapers and four frozen pot-pies, you might think she has a family.

"Well, you sure are dressed pretty."

"Thanks."

He then waited there behind me all of about three more seconds. Then he just walked away.

CREEPY. CREEPY. CREEPY.

I'm beginning to think that strange men seek me out to practice lame pick-up lines on, because I'm not threatening.

On Labor Day, my sister-in-law and I took our kids to the water park. Let me paint this picture-- I'm soaking wet, carrying Laney on one hip and holding Marley's hand, walking through the water park. Now, I'm reasonably cute. Don't get me wrong, but I hardly think I was all that attractive at the time. I don't like myself very much in a bathing suit (who does, right?) and to top it off I had two kids in tow.

I happened to walk by this kid at the bumper-boats. He was probably 16 or 17 years old, and he says, "Have I seen you here before?"

"I don't think so."

Now, in giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe I look like someone else or something. Maybe he has seen someone who looked like me before. But what is the point in approaching me about it? Obviously, we're not long-lost friends. So why the equivalent of "Come here often?" at the water park, with my kids?

If he was trying to pick me up--isn't that pathetic? Maybe he thought I was easy because I had kids.

What's really weird about all of this, is I don't remember anything like this ever happening to me before I was married and had kids. Maybe motherhood makes me attractive.

I've been Tagged again. . .

2005-10-20T06:21:00.000-07:00

Okay. My brother, some of you know him as Tugboatcap'n, has tagged me.

Here are his instructions:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions. Ponder it for meaning, subtext or hidden agendas.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

My twenty-third post was entitled, "On First Sentences and Late Night Rescue Missions." I wrote it back in July after the girls had gone to Bible School with their Aunt and Marley's treasured "Benny" got left at a church 20 miles from home.

The fifth sentence was "Example: Laney had just taken a good nap at Mom's yesterday." It begins my second paragraph, which goes on to describe the good mood that Laney is always in when she wakes up from her nap.

In pondering the sentence I realize that any subtext or hidden agendas would center around two words--Example and Good. In this case, example was used in reference to the preceding paragraph in which I described how little things my kids do often affect me much more deeply than I would have ever expected. The example I actually give is regarding one of Laney's first sentences, "Fix it, Mommy." I have a hidden agenda in sharing this with you, in that I would like to for you to also marvel at the things my kids do the way that I do. In short, I'm proud of my kids and want to show them off to you. If you've read very many of my posts you already know this.

The second word that could be construed as having a hidden agenda or subtext, is "good." It is used to define the quality of Laney's nap. That is really a judgment on my part. I assume because of the length of the nap she took and her mood following the nap that it was a good nap. But, unless I was Laney I could not really tell you if the nap itself was actually "good." As her mother, I feel it was good that she had a nap. I like for her to take naps because I think they improve her mood and they give me a break to sit and read the paper or take a nap myself. So my assumption that her nap was good is based on my own agenda that she take a nap and not on Laney's opinion of the nap itself. For this I apologize.

Now, I guess I'm supposed to tag five more people. I pick . . .
1. Lori Lynn
2. o-likewoah
3. justlikehim
4. garza
5. lores

Have a nice day!

2005-10-06T11:31:00.000-07:00

I have three words for you--pain, pain, pain. Why anyone would pay someone $1200 dollars to put them through the kind of pain I've been through in the past week, is beyond me. I must have completely lost my mind. I'm less two wisdom teeth though and fortunately have no dry sockets. By the way, if a dry socket is more painful than this, I'm not sure how anyone survives having one. This has been lots more painful than recovery from my c-sections, though I'm not really sure why. The only difference I can see is that I rested alot more after having the girls. Oh well, it's sure to subside soon.

I know I haven't been posting as much lately and I'm sorry for my absence. I started the blog during the summer when there was not as much to do at work. Consequently, when things pick up like they have around here lately, I kind of drop out of sight for awhile. Never fear, I'll return in time.

Let me take a minute to ask you to please remember Marley in your prayers. At a recent hearing screening at her school she failed the screening for her left ear. She also partially failed the speech screening. Now, I really don't think that there is much to worry about with Marley's hearing. She is just getting over an ear infection and that may have affected the screening. I'm not sure I'm terribly concerned about the speech thing either. I really don't think she's far off track, though she doesn't pronounce some of her consonants. I just want to make sure that we make the right decisions concerning whether or not she needs therapy. I don't want to wish down the road that I had put her in therapy sooner, or waste money if she doesn't need it.

Laney is simply dynamite. If you could only experience the daily battle of wills I go through with this child . . .

Example: She likes to push one of the kitchen chairs up to the counter by the sink and play with the sippy cups I have sitting there to dry. This would not bother me if it were not for two things. 1) She often ends up leaning on the counter or misjudging where the edge of the chair is and falling. 2) She drops the sippy cups, their lids, and the valves that keep them from leaking on the floor, in the sink and various other places. She also carries several of them to undisclosed locations so that making sure all the sippy cups are assembled again in one place is like a minature rescue mission. What I really need is a group of Navy seals to come in each night and brave the mountains of toy blocks and oceans of playground sand (from their shoes--they don't tell you about the sand in the daycare brochures), to round up all the MIA sippy cups and their various components. But then again, who could stand all that barking? (I know that was pure corn. I just couldn't resist).

Anyway, one day not long ago I decided that I'd had enough. I made a policy. It's much like all the policies I've made over time. If the policy is not enforced in it's infancy it will not stand. For example, the "no socks on the living room floor" policy. I never enforced it and nightly I pick up all the socks--husband's and children's--and put them in the hamper. There's a "no chocolate milk after you've brushed your teeth" policy that is now entering it's second week. This one may survive. However, the "no standing in chairs playing with sippy cups policy" is going to be a very tough one. Mostly because enforcing it means that for about ten minutes each time, about three times a night, I have to stand on one side of the chair Laney is trying to move and keep her from pushing it from the other side, all the while saying, No, Laney. No! Laney. NO Laney! She pushes. She cries. She fusses. Eventually, she gets her hand spanked. Then she pouts. We make up and go do something else for about twenty minutes and then, there we are again--pushing, crying, and making up. It's frustrating, but I have to admire her determination.

That's one of the things I love about her. She is so strong-willed. That's a good thing, because if we teach her how to make the right choices, she won't be easily swayed. I'd rather her be that way than a people pleaser. In fact, I wish I was more like that.

We're off to the beach this weekend. I hope everyone has a great Columbus Day!

Conflict

2005-09-22T09:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a young lady stopped by the office whom I had not seen in quite awhile. About three years ago, while she was pregnant with her second child, this lady's husband left her for another woman and stole a substantial sum of money from his parents and other sources. Her husband served jail time and has since married his mistress and lives elsewhere. He has nothing to do with his daughters.

Like I said, this was the first time I had seen her in quite awhile. She's a very tall, very thin lady and quite attractive. My immediate thought was, "Why would he leave her? She's so thin." Now, why would I think like that? As I said, he was a thief, and a liar and a lot of other things. But in the back of my mind, I'm blaming the breakdown of their relationship on something like size. That's just twisted.

The more I've thought about the more I realize that this is a conditioned response I'm having. But I don't really know where it's coming from. I mean, I know that happiness has nothing to do with size and that relationships are not all based on physical appearance. But in the back of my mind there is still a small voice that seems to say that if you are not thin, you are not lovable.

I'm not a large person. I'm all of 5'3" and weigh about 145 pounds. The heaviest I've ever been was when I was pregnant. When I checked in at the hospital (both times) I weighed 182 pounds. Heaviest weight I've maintained without being pregnant was about 155 pounds. The lightest I've ever been was in college. I weighed 132 pounds when I was dating my college boyfriend, and lost about 5 more pounds when he dumped me. So weight has never been a real struggle for me. But I love food, so I know that someday it may be.

That being said, this is a real conflict that I think this way. Because, if I were to really pack on the weight, this would lead me to think that Lewis would have every right to leave me. This also shows that somewhere deep down inside, I have a prejudice against fat people. It also makes me wonder how I would feel if one of my girls were to struggle with her weight.

I guess I need to pray about this attitude. I'm sure part of this has come from the size-obsessed society in which we live. But that's no excuse. People are who they are, regardless of what their bodies look like.

Until next time. . .

Give God a Hand.

2005-09-12T05:45:00.000-07:00

I've got to make this quick. This is the like the busiest time of the year for me at work. But, I just wanted to share this.

Last night at church, my Sunday School teacher stood up and made an announcement. At the end of the announcement she made reference to some comments made by Beth Moore on thankfulness. She said that Beth suggested when God has done something for us, we should be so thankful that we should give Him our applause. She then asked us as a congregation to applaud God for all of his marvelous blessings.

The congregation then gave a standing ovation. I can't even begin to describe how that one moment changed the dynamic of the entire service last night. There was a joy that prevailed throughout the congregation. Everyone left with a smile on their face.

So I just wanted to say if you're feeling down today, take a minute to just mull over the blessings you have been given and then give God a hand. It may change how you feel about the day.

Laney & Me

2005-08-31T07:52:00.000-07:00

This morning Laney was awake surprisingly early. Lewis said to me as he was leaving for work, "Laney's waiting for you." I walked in the den to find her on the couch watching Winnie the Pooh and drinking her chocolate milk, just like she was 7 years old rather than 21 months. She grinned at me and said, "Where Daddy?" I answered, "He's gone to work." She repeated, "Daddy gonna work." I think she'll be reading and writing by next week, she's growing up so fast.

Let me share with you a little bit about this miracle who is my youngest child. You see, I take offense at the Planned Parenthood slogan, "Every child and planned and wanted child" for one reason. Laney was not planned or wanted, but she is desperately loved.

Marley was desperately wanted, especially by me. I guess I started thinking about how great it would be to have a baby about the time I was 8 or 9 years old. I'm believe I'm geared for motherhood and I've always loved babies and small children. After Lewis and I were married, I had baby-fever really bad for a long time. Lewis and I have no problem with reproduction, but I wanted him to be in a good place before we had children. When he was ready, I got pregnant fairly quickly.

We were so excited about Marley. I talked to her and sang to her and just adored every kick and stretch and roll while I was pregnant with her. I had a wonderfully easy pregnancy and though delivery was tough and ended with me having a c-section, I can say that having Marley is one of the best experiences of my life.

Marley was about 3 months old and I was late. I thought my hormones were still out of sync. But one Sunday afternoon in early April, I got sick. I just knew that I had some kind of virus and I didn't want Marley to get it, so I went to the Doctor. I had not started back on birth control yet. The P. A. that I saw was incredibly ugly to me about that fact. By the time I took the birth control test, I was nearly in tears. After I took the test, I was in tears.

I'll never forget looking at Lewis and having to tell him that we were getting ready to have another baby so soon. I remember asking him what we would do with two babies that close together. His answer was unforgettable (and one of the reasons I love him so), he said, "I don't know--love them?"

I thought I was going to lose her. In fact, I thought I wanted to have a miscarriage. But then, I had some problems early on in the pregnancy and I had to go to the doctor for an ultrasound. That little heartbeat on the screen was so strong. After that, I knew I wanted her.

At first after Laney was born, I struggled with my feelings toward her. I remember wondering if I would ever bond with her. Let me tell you, its not easy to be unsure how you feel about one of your children. You keep thinking, "do I really love this child and if I don't who will?" Lewis doesn't like it when I talk about this for obvious reasons. But I'm just being honest. Those unsure feelings passed.

Marley has always been a daddy's girl. About the time Laney was born, if I tried to hug Lewis she would get between us and push me away, so she could be close to him. She was barely talking when we had her saying, "My daddy is my sweetheart." She just adores him, and that's wonderful. I expected Laney to be the same way.

She's not. Laney is all mine. Oh, she loves her daddy. Don't get me wrong. But give her the choice, she'll pick me everytime. It goes to my head. She stands at the door of the bathroom when I take a shower and cries for me. She pushes Lewis away from me when he hugs me. She gets between me and the kitchen cabinet and pushes on my legs to get me to stop washing dishes and play with her.

She is strong-willed and defiant and just plain hard-headed--and I know full well where she gets all those traits. But she is also sweet and loving and smart and every bit as remarkable as her sister even though I didn't plan for her or ask for her like I did Marley. We couldn't afford her. We didn't know how we would take care of her. We were worried that she would ruin our happy family. And now I don't know how our family could possibly be happy without her.

Who cares if she was planned, or wanted? If I had not had her the world would have missed out on this wonderful little person. What a testimony to how much better God's plan for us is than anything we could dream up ourselves!

Birthdays

2005-08-25T08:53:00.000-07:00

My birthday is approaching. Next week I will be 29 years old. We've been working our way through what I call "birthday season" in our family. Mine is one of third to the last before we get a break from the crazy summer months where our families celebrate a birthday every week from July through September. I can't remember how we celebrated my last birthday. But here are a few memorable birthdays I will tell you about.

My fourth birthday is the first one that I really remember. I had a party at home. I remember Mama made a cake and put a candy ballerina on top. We had the equivalent of a Mongol horde of kids over. At least it seemed like a lot of kids, but I was four years old so it's kind of hard to gauge just how many.

I remember my dad took me and my mom camping for my 13th birthday. I was always complaining that Daddy took my brothers fishing and camping and out on the boat, etc. and never did that kind of stuff with me. So I think the trip was to appease me. It took me a long time to realize that I'm just not an outdoor kind of person. My allergies bothered me the whole time and the bugs were terrible. I don't remember if I've been camping since then or not, but don't plan a trip for me soon. I can wait.

My 18th birthday my parents came up to college to take me out to dinner. They gave me a wrapped gift in the car--a surge protector. Wow. Later, when they started to leave they opened the trunk and gave me a new typewriter to go with it. That weekend, I came home and went to see The Flintstones at the movies with my old high school friends. That was the last time I saw some of them.

Two days before my 22nd birthday, my boyfriend's grandfather died. We traveled to West Virginia for the funeral, which was on the day after my birthday. He went ahead and proposed and gave me the engagement ring on my birthday, even though I had told him it could wait until we got home. It was kind of cool having my engagement ring when he introduced me to his extended family. I'll never forget how he would say, "This is Daphne" and grab my hand and show them the ring. I can't help but smile thinking how he was like a little boy showing off a treasure he had found. He's still got a way of making me feel special like that.

For my 25th birthday, we went on a trip to the mountains. We spent the weekend just riding around looking at the scenery. But Lewis wouldn't say "Happy Birthday" all day. I kept trying to get him to say it. Late that night, when we were going to sleep he whispered it to me. By the next year, Marley was on the way. I count this one as the last birthday we had together, just the two of us.

My mom and I went shopping on my 27th birthday. We took Marley with us. She was eight months old. Halfway through the trip, Marley started crying and just couldn't be consoled. I realized, all of a sudden, that she hadn't had a bottle in like 6 hours. We got her one and she was fine again. We also picked out the dress that I wore to my brother's wedding rehearsal on that day. I was 6 months pregnant with Laney.

So what will I do for this birthday? I don't really know yet. I have made some plans to go shopping with my mom the weekend afterward and I'm sure Lewis will want to go somewhere to eat or something. But the wonderful thing about birthdays is they really are just like the other days of your life. It's not the fact that you're a year older that makes them memorable. It's what you do with the day that makes it stand out in your memory. I hope this one will be a good memory.

Can Counseling Change Sex Preference?

2005-08-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

This is the question posed in our local paper's "Woman to Woman" collumn. Well, I have the answer to this question.

The answer is no. Counseling cannot change anyone--but God can.

Let me give you a little bit of background on why I feel this way. You see, I had a friend when I was a teenager, who made a conscious choice to leave the homosexual lifestyle behind when he became a Christian. For about six months, he was a completely different person. He was a fervent, alive, on-fire Christian. Now, keep in mind, he had been a practicing, closet homosexual up until the point when a street minister witnessed to him outside of the gay bar that he frequented (even though he was underage) and brought him to the Lord.

He was this way for about six months. We had a very close relationship, but I knew nothing about his former life at that time. His parents were seldom together and his mother was a binge-alcoholic, so his home-life was not the greatest. But I thought that things were going pretty well for him otherwise. He was in the top 10 % of his high school class and very popular. We were applying to the same college and preparing, I thought, to get him out of that situation, somewhat.

What happened? Well, life got hard. There were some problems at school, and he came home from his part-time job one night to find his mother drunk and his father gone. Confused, heartbroken, and angry he found himself right back where he had started--at the gay bar.

You see, my friend was like the seed that fell on rocky ground in the story Jesus told about the sower. "But he that received the seed into stony places, the same is he that heareth the word, and anon with joy receiveth it; yet hath he not root in himself, but dureth for a while; for when tribulation or persecution ariseth because of the word, by and by he is offended." Matthew 13:20-21

It is easier to live a life of sin sometimes than to trust the Lord with the difficulties of this life. My friend chose to escape back into the depths God pulled him from, rather than to wait for the bright future God had in store for him. I believe with all my heart that his beliefs were sincere and I believe with all my heart that God changed him for as long as he allowed God to.

That's the key. God can change anything about us, as long as we let Him. It's part of this marvelous free will we have as human beings, we can only be changed when we choose to surrender. When we give God control of our lives, He will make of us beautiful examples of His love and grace. He will take away the temptations for things that don't glorify Him. The problem is, often we give God control just long enough to get things partially right. Then we stop letting Him drive. We take over again and don't look to God again until we are upside-down in the ditch.

But if we stay focused on God, we will not doubt His power to deliver us from any temptation. We will have roots. Go ahead and tell me that my friend was born homosexual and just denied that portion of himself for the time I was close to him. But I was there and I know he was different. His focus was in the right place for a time.

I do not believe that people are born gay. I believe that some people are born with more temptation in that direction than others. But temptation is not the same as activity and the activity is the sin. Aside from all that, I believe that God could save me from being left-handed if that was a sin. If we truly believe that God can do anything, God can deliver us from anything that does not bring Him glory. Homosexuality does not bring God glory. It causes pain. Ask me how I know.

I don't know if I've ever been as heartbroken as I was when I found out what my friend had done. He turned completely away from God. He turned completely away from anyone who was close to him before. He knew God would not accept his behavior. No one had to tell him it was sinful. He knew. If he thought it was okay he would have continued to be the fervent Christian he always was. He didn't.

I know this is a sad story. I wish I could tell you that my friend turned back to God. I would like to tell you that he finished college and married some beautiful girl he met there. I would like to tell you that he has a wonderful life and is the fervent Christian that I once knew. But I simply don't know. I went off to college and he disappeared. He moved away and the last I knew, he hadn't changed.

I do know this, when God is control of a life, He can change anybody. He can turn anybody from anything. That's who God is. We only have to let Him drive.

Marley-Speak

2005-08-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

Lewis is always telling me I need to write down some of the things Marley says so we won't forget them. In an effort to do so, I thought I would share some of her more recent favorite phrases.

"Can me hep you?"--When I'm cooking supper usually, but at other very inappropriate times--when I'm changing Laney's dirty diaper, painting my toe-nails, etc.
"You know, Mommy, sometimes Aney hits me too."--Keep in mind that Marley does not pronounce L's. Also, to truly get the effect of this one, imagine Marley with her head slightly tilted, doing a slow nod, eyebrows raised.
"You been seepy ong time."--This was one Saturday morning when everyone was up already but me. Mommys don't get to sleep in very often.
"Ain, Ain, go a-ay, come again a-udder day"--Repeat until rain slacks off.
"The ain stopped, Mommy. Cause me go, 'Ain, ain, go a-ay,' like dat."
"Aunt Iz put cucumbers in the simmin poo"--This one took me a while to figure out, then like a bolt of lightning, I realized she meant chemicals. "Marley do you mean, Aunt Liz put chemicals in the swimming pool?" "Yes, chemicas."
"It not fumpa at the ata pock."--"It's not thundering at the water park."
"When Aney get a itta bigger, she can jump off the taba and not get hurt, ike dis!"--The favorite pasttime around our house lately is jumping off things. The table in question was the coffee table.
"Me can say Ewdis!"--She was very offended when I was trying to get her to pronounce the L in Lewis' name.
"Daddy, did you hear, me going to pe-schoo?"--She was very excited when I first told her she would be starting preschool in a few weeks.
"Da ains came down and the fuds came up."--She sings the song about the wise man and the foolish man about all the time now. Unless she's singing--
"Take da key and ock her up, ock her up, ock her up. My pare ady!"
"Me uv you!"--What more can I say?

Goodbye, Old Pal.

2005-08-09T06:06:00.000-07:00

Last night, just as we were beginning our bed-time routine with the girls, one of our neighbors knocked on the door. She had come to tell us that some of the neighborhood kids had found our dog, Lucky, in the woods near our house. We're not sure if he was bitten by a snake, or got in a fight with another dog, or was just hit by a car and limped off into the woods to lick his wounds. At any rate, Lewis will have to go and bury him this afternoon. This is the passing of an era in a way.

Lucky was the bridge from our world before children to this chaotic toddler filled life we now lead. We got him just after we moved into our current house. One Easter my cousin showed up at Grandma's with two puppies, a mixed Labrador, and a mixed Doberman. His two dogs had just had puppies, one had 12 and the other had 10. No offense to Labrador lovers, but I just can't deal with them. I haven't been able to stand Labs ever since I was 9 and my Grandfather's Black Lab repeatedly jumped on my back and scratched me. He thought I was playing, but I was really screaming my head off. I was nervous about getting a big dog, but Lewis assured me that the Doberman he had when he was a teenager was just a big baby. So, we got two of the Doberman puppies.

For a little while, Buster and Lucky were my babies. We worked hard to train them and teach them to stay in our yard. When school got out for the summer, one of the neighborhood boys took to playing with them and we almost lost them. We managed to teach Lucky to stay home, due partially to an unfortunate electric fence incident. But Buster never learned his lesson. When he stopped coming to us, and was bothering the neighbors, we did the only thing we could. We called the dogcatcher to come and get him. Please don't look down on me for this. That was a very hard day.

But Lucky stayed with us. When Marley began walking we removed the electric fence he lived in from our backyard so that she wouldn't get shocked or entangled in it. We were afraid that without it, we might never see Lucky again. But the risk of Marley getting hurt was greater than our fear of losing Lucky. So, for the past two years, Lucky has been a free dog.

I used to tell Lewis that he was like our teenager. We could come back from somewhere and he would coming running up from wherever he had been, just like he was waiting for us. He always had a look like he'd been up to something he didn't want us to know about. Lucky went through lean times when the children were newborns, simply because we were so busy. But for the most part, we enjoyed having him as a pet. I only have one regret, that we should have played with him more.

Of course we had to tell Marley about it. Fortunately, Laney is still too young to really even miss him. Marley wanted to know if we would ever see him again. Then she wanted to know if we could get a new puppy. Lewis and I are in negotiations. We'll see.

"To Obey is Better than Sacrifice"

2005-08-04T07:11:00.000-07:00

I recently began reading through the Bible again. When I've finished, this will make the fourth time I have read it through. I'm not saying this to brag. Four times is not nearly enough. Any professing Christian should be constantly immersed in the Word. And I've not been in it nearly enough in the past few years.

My approach to the task this time is to tackle the books that are hardest for me first. I began with Leviticus. I am now reading Numbers. I'm sure that when I'm done with Numbers, I'll probably move on to the minor prophets.

Anyway, yesterday I read Numbers 7. In this passage (which is 89 verses long), each of the princes of the tribes of Israel presents the following sacrifice:
One silver charger and one silver bowl, both filled with fine flour & oil
One golden spoon full of incense
One young bullock
One young ram
One lamb of the first year (for a burnt offering)
One kid of the goats
Two oxen
Five rams
Five male goats
Five lambs of the first year (for a peace offering)

Seems like a lot, doesn't it? It really gets to be a lot when you consider that this was done 12 times. Well, the magnitude of the offering is what really struck me about the passage. Granted, these gifts represented whole tribes. But can we ever really measure how much God is worthy of?

While I was reading this, I pictured each one of the princes standing before the tabernacle with all that livestock and his spoon full of incense and silver bowl and charger. These sacrifices were a major undertaking--a big deal. Sacrifice was the means by which the people of Israel had access to relationship to God.

What do we know of sacrifice today? We think that the 10% we put in the offering plate is a sacrifice. However, if we had to bring a sheep or a goat with us to church every week, how many of us would still go? It is because Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice for us that we no longer have to worry about such things. But God still wants a sacrifice from the believer. God wants us to sacrifice our will. This is a harder thing to do than to bring a young he-goat of the first year. We are so attached to having control over our lives, we must make a conscious effort to give God the reigns.

That is exactly what God expects though. He wants us to follow His leading and trust Him and really give Him our whole selves. Isn't that what Jesus meant when he said that the greatest commandment is to "love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind." God wants it all.

But God is worthy of it all. All the money and livestock in the world can't make up for the sacrifice He made for us. And the fact is, it belongs to Him anyway. God won't force us to love Him, though He has the power to. But through sacrificing our will and being obedient to Him, our love for Him cannot help but grow.

Rainy Weekend

2005-08-01T09:50:00.000-07:00

After telling Marley repeatedly all week that we would be going to a pool party at Sarah's grandmother's on Friday, it rains. It wasn't just a little shower either. It was a downpour that lasted and lasted and lasted. I picked Marley and Laney up from daycare in the pouring rain, got them out of the car in the rain, and took them to the party in the rain. It was still raining when we left. There's an upside to this because I was a little concerned due to the depth of the pool there. It's a good foot and a half deeper than Jr.'s and Marley's convinced that she can touch bottom in whatever pool she comes across. I was all set to fight with her over waterwings but, the rain made it a non-issue.

Anyway, we opened the door to find poor Sarah (my niece) in her bathing suit just hoping for a break from the rain. She cheered up a good bit when everyone arrived and all the kids were playing together. But she was a little disappointed I think.

I'm sure my brother was a little upset about the rain, mainly because he was the grill man for this event. He came in about an hour after we got there, soaked. We enjoyed the hamburgers and hot dogs. This was Sarah's 4th birthday.

We woke up Saturday morning to overcast skies. It didn't rain until late in the day though. We went shopping Saturday night and spent probably more than we should have.

Marley decided she wanted to go in big-church with us this Sunday. I picked her up from the nursery after Sunday School and we set out on a grand adventure. She wiggled and talked and she cried when I carried her out during one of the prayers. I had a conference with her in the back hallway and took her back in only to have to leave again. We ended up in the nursery again. I guess we'll have to try that another time hopefully waaaaaaay in the future.

Did I mention that it was raining "pitchforks and plowhandles" by the time church was over? Lewis made a run for the car, drove under the shelter and we loaded up the girls to go home. We stopped at a gas station so I could get something for the pounding headache I had. I ran in and when I came out I paused at the edge of the shelter at the station to see if he would come back and pick me up. Just as I decided to make a run for it, he saw me and started to turn around. Needless to say, there I was chasing the car around the parking lot in the pouring rain. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. It's funny now.

All in all, it was not a bad weekend--just a little wet.

P. S.--Laney has learned to say, "Wuv you" when she hugs me. Sigh . . .

Don't Get Me Wrong, But . . .

2005-07-28T06:40:00.000-07:00

Last week, I happened across Ann Coulter's collumn in our local newspaper. Now, I'm not an avid Ann Coulter fan. I have read her article a couple of times before and usually I agree with what she has to say. I find her to be intelligent and usually she presents a good argument, but I don't rush to find out what she has to say on things. I just occasionally run across her and find her interesting.

However, I did not agree with her line of thinking this time at all. Her topic for this particular article was the nomination of John Roberts to the supreme court. I already knew that she was not happy over the President's choice, so I read the article to find out why. Essentially, what Coulter said was that Roberts is not a bold enough choice. Evidently, she wanted someone more controversial, more extreme, and she feels that the President is playing it safe. I'm kind of disappointed to have to say it, but I think Coulter wanted the Democrats to fight and to lose big. It's kind of sad because essentially, that kind of thinking is just hatred. But what really, rubbed me wrong was in the first paragraph of her article.

She says: "After pretending to consider various women and minorities for the Supreme Court these past few weeks, President Bush decided to disappoint all the groups he had just ginned up and nominate a white male."

Now, wait a minute. Just because he chose a white male, doesn't mean he "pretended" to consider anybody. I'm sure that there were a lot of names on the list, but Roberts is the one picked. Are we supposed to be mad that he isn't a minority? or at least female? I'm sorry but I'm so tired of this way of thinking.

I am a white, conservative, Christian. By virtue of these facts, I am a member of the majority of citizens of the United States. I think that my government should represent me. I do not think that my race or beliefs should simply be background to those of other races or beliefs. I am not out to stop anyone from enjoying the freedoms we have as Americans, no matter what race or creed. I have nothing against anyone of another race. I have nothing against anyone of another faith. I can tolerate those I don't agree with. However, democracy means that the majority rules and like it or not, the majority is white and Christian. Furthermore, it should not offend anyone that I am a white, conservative, Christian. No one should hate me for it, in the same way that I am not supposed to hate someone else for their race or creed. No one should prevent me from accomplishing my potential simply because of these facts. Essentially, racism works both ways.

If the President considered Roberts as a candidate, found him to be qualified, and did not nominate him just because he is white, how would that be fair? If the President feels that John Roberts is our man, then whether he's a white male, or a Peruvian hermaphrodite doesn't make one lick of difference. Can he do the job and do it (pardon the pun) justice? From all appearances, it seems so. I think Roberts is fairly solid nominee. There's been a lot of talk about his beliefs on abortion (another post, another day), but otherwise, nothing really to complain about with this one. How nice is that? We were all gearing up for a big fight and really there's nothing to fight over.

And as far as Roberts not being extreme enough, maybe being a judge shouldn't be about being extreme. It should be about being objective. The job should require someone who is able to disconnect personal feelings and interpret the law from an objective point of view. If we insist that this nominee be extremely right-wing, aren't we also insisting that they legislate from the bench and push their own agenda?

If we really want the Supreme Court to work the way it was designed to, what side of the fence a judge is on doesn't make a difference. If a judge bows to one interest group or one particular creed in their judgments, they are not being fair judges. I, for one, don't want to go before a judge who is going to rule against me just because I am conservative. By the same token, liberals should not have to fear a conservative judge. At the end of the day, the law is the law--it leans neither to the left or the right.

Always a Train . . .

2005-07-27T09:35:00.000-07:00

I have two words for you -- wisdom tooth. This all started last Thursday night after I brushed my teeth. The gums surrounding my bottom right wisdom tooth were a little sore. Since then it has progress from soreness to an annoying dull ache in my jaw and now, swelling. So, I'm off to the dentist this afternoon to get an antibiotic and a referral to an oral surgeon.

I'm not worried at all about having the tooth taken out. It's the extraction from my checking account that I hate. It seems that just when Lewis and I get ready to dig ourselves out of the financial hole we're in something else comes up.

For us, the light at the end of the tunnel is always a train.

I Wax Poetic . . .

2005-07-25T07:28:00.000-07:00

This is a poem I wrote for my friend Meredith, for her baby shower. Enjoy.

For Meredith . . .

It’s never the same again.
Going out will never be as easy as it is right now.
You will look forward to doing the grocery shopping alone.
You will wonder how your house ever got dirty before.
You will wonder how you ever got tired before.
You will pray more than you have ever prayed before,
And sleep less.
It’s never the same after this.
Your wonderful husband, who always showered you with attention
Will often be otherwise occupied
And when he’s not, he’ll be asleep.
It’s never the same after this.
Even when Grandma babysits so you can go out with your husband
You will see children everywhere you go.
You will fight hard to keep from talking about them the whole time.
You will think of them every second while you are away,
And even be disappointed to find them asleep when you go to pick them up.
It’s never the same after this.
You will always remember how your arm felt just right
Aching with the weight of that tiny head,
Even after they are too big to hold that way anymore.
Your heart will not just be warmed, it will continually glow
Every time you hold a tiny hand, or kiss a tiny toe
Or blow raspberries on that little tummy.
No, it’s never the same after this.
You will tickle them just to hear them laugh.
Hold them while they sleep, just to be near them.
You will laugh more, and cry more than ever before.
Because having a baby is not anything like what you think it is.
It’s a heart condition.
You’ll never be the same after this.
Late at night, when you are so tired you ache
You will stumble through the house, trying not to step on any toys
You will reach down into the crib and lay your hand
On the chest of this sleeping miracle.
And you will not remember your life before.
You will not be able to imagine a life without.
No, it’s never the same after this.

On First Sentences and Late Night Rescue Missions

2005-07-18T09:45:00.000-07:00

Isn't amazing how much a child changes your life? I can't even remember what life was like before I had the children. I marvel that the house ever got dirty and I don't know what we did with all of our free time. I most certainly wouldn't have expected that things would effect me the way they do when it comes to the two of them.

Example: Laney had just taken a good nap at Mom's yesterday. I think I've expressed (quite recently, in fact) that Laney is at her very best right after her nap before Marley wakes up and she has to start competing for attention. She was playing with a set of coasters my mom keeps around because all the grandchildren have played with them at one time or another. It's a set of four wooden coasters that fit inside a little wooden box. Now, it wouldn't be the most interesting toy to you and me. But to the under-two set it's a marvelous thing to sit and spend hours taking the coasters out of the box and putting them back in. Laney was engaging in just such activity when the box came apart. She stood up, handed it to me and proclaimed that it was "Broke." I put the pieces back together, but as it was in need of some pretty serious glue, I knew it wouldn't stay together. I gave it back to her and she "broke" it again. After a couple of times of this, she stood up, handed me the pieces and said, "Fis it, Mommy."

Wow. I can't even begin to describe the goosebumps I had from hearing her say those three words. I know. It's just three words, not a big deal, right? But it almost made me cry. Lately, most of Laney's conversation has been in one word exclamations. Take her to the beach and she will proclaim, "Wadder!" while looking at the ocean. Ask her what a cow says and she will reply, "Boooooooooooocow!" Every now and then she gets caught up saying, "No, mommy" over and over. But this--this was a real sentence. A command--but nevertheless. . . And it's not just that it was a sentence, it was relevant. It was the right thing to say at the right time. It was nothing short of amazing--just like everything about her.

It's always that way when it comes to them. I'm surprised by my feelings and that I feel them this intensely.

Marley has a blanket buddy (a small blanket with a stuffed animal head attached to it), named "Benny." Benny goes everywhere with us. Marley treasures this toy and will accept no substitutes. When I wash Benny, I have to keep Marley distracted to keep her from getting him out of the dryer before he's dry, etc. Well, Marley and Laney ended up going to Bible School at my former church (about 20 miles away) last night and (horrors!) Benny got left there.

My sister-in-law, (who took them to Bible School) called me as soon as she got home and asked me if I was sure Marley had taken Benny with her. That's a silly question. If she wasn't crying for Benny when she got to Bible School, she had Benny with her. Turns out, my sister-in-law left Benny at Bible School because she thought that it belonged to another child. So, Marley gets home from Bible School absolutely distraught.

Let me pause a minute to describe my range of emotions at this point. First, I was mad at my sister-in-law for not trusting Marley to know her favorite toy from someone else's. Second, I was so sad for Marley, who was crying as hard as she could and screaming over and over, "BENNNNNYYYY!" Underneath it all, I was just a little bit happy to be the one Marley was running to for comfort. Last but not least, I was worried. I was worried that we might not be able to find Benny. I was worried that Benny might have gone home with another child. I was worried that if Marley tried to make it through the night without him, at 3:00 a.m. we'd be up trying to explain his whereabouts to a hysterical two-year-old. (Two-year-olds CAN be rational sometimes, but at 3:00 in the morning I'm not rational enough to deal with one.)

This emotional roller coaster lasts about five minutes, until Lewis says he thinks we should go and get Benny back. MY HERO! I called the pastor of the church, who went over to the church nursery, found Benny and called me to tell me so. We then quick-changed the girls into their pajamas, loaded them in the car and proceeded to rescue Benny.

Of course, Marley was fast asleep by the time we got there. But there was comfort in nudging her awake just long enough to put Benny back in her arms, safe and sound.

I guess that's a lot of what being a parent is about. I find myself glad to be worried, mostly because what I have to worry over is so precious. After all the trouble we went to (and all the emotions) , I can say I'm glad all of it happened, because it was so satisfying to "Fis it" for her.

This Week

2005-07-15T06:04:00.000-07:00

Okay. It's Friday and though I have quite a bit to get accomplished today, I thought I would take a minute to review the week with all of you good people.

For starters, congratulate Marley on going to day care in panties the whole week with only 2 accidents! Of course, we don't know what today will hold, but so far so good. She's not nearly as excited as I am, but I think she senses that we have reached a milestone here. This is a bittersweet moment really. Like every new accomplishment the girls make, it's one step further from their babyhood. No matter how hard you try to hold on to those sweet cuddly tiny little miracles, they still grow up. This is not to say that I wish to hold them back in any way. I just know that the road is different now from what it was when they were smaller--in some ways more rocky, in others, much more smooth and straight.

Marley has been asking about going back to the water park all week. I think we will probably take her tomorrow as a treat for doing well with the potty. She's such a Daddy's girl. She keeps saying she wants to ride with him on a float (the lazy river). I treasure that she thinks so much of him. I don't blame her.

Last night while we were eating supper, Laney stopped eating and started crying for "kessup." She didn't stop until I had gotten the ketchup bottle from the counter and given her some. She then preceded to try a little of everything on her plate dipped in it and finally decided that she like the way it tasted on her fingers the best. This is a new word for her, but then she's learned so many new words lately it's hard to keep up.

Several people recently have asked me when I'm going to start potty training Laney. (I endured this last year with Marley too.) Laney is just not ready yet. (That's the same answer I had about Marley last year). Laney has a "do or die" personality. She is willing to undergo the consequences of whatever she makes up her mind to do. There's no stopping her before she carries it through most of the time. So I know that for the most part, going to the potty will be her decision and on her schedule, not mine.

My friends, Clayton & Meredith, are already asking us when their new baby (two weeks old) will sleep through the night. I tell them, "I'll let you know when it happens for us. " Laney has really been tough every night this week. It's hard to calm her down for bed time and she wakes up several times a night. I don't know if she's teething or what but it's frustrating. I wish I had more patience with her at 3:oo a.m. but lack of sleep tends to rob me of that. Thankfully, Lewis is as patient in the middle of the night as he is in day. So when I get to the end of my rope, he lets me swing over to his for awhile. I turned night duty over to him a couple of times this week and he's come through like a champ.

I've been thinking alot lately about what a blessing a good marriage can be. I honestly don't know how a single parent copes. In raising these girls, our marriage is one of our biggest assets. We keep each other balanced. I know, I'm very blessed to have that. I'd say lucky, but it's not luck. It's divine providence.

That's all the news for this week. See ya'll Monday!

The Result of Honesty

2005-07-13T10:30:00.000-07:00

Mark, over at www.leftfieldperspectives.blogspot.com, posed an interesting question in his post yesterday. He asked how different the world would be if politicians always upheld the truth. Well, I have to say, I'm having a hard time with this one. But I'll try.

First, I believe that our major difference would be in the ability to trust the motives of those in public office. There would be none of this argument about whether the president lied to us about his motives for the war, or for anything else he does. Now, who knows if there would even be a war under these conditions. If we could have trusted Saddam in the first place, we never would have had to go there. (I'm not sure if Mark's query applies to other nations as well though). I'm pretty sure that honesty could have prevented a great number of wars in history, but I'm not sure how to support that. I'd have to do more research than my tired brain has time for.

I'm not even sure that the president would be president. I'm not sure that the last hundred years of presidents would be the same. I'm convinced that most politicians (at least during my lifetime) have had something to hide at one time or another that would have prevented their election. Of course, if you remove the capacity for lies, you also remove the ability to mud-sling. If honesty is our policy, there is nothing to hide, right? If it's all on the table, no one can really call you on it.

This also would take care of all scandals. That's it. No Monica Lewinsky. No Watergate. No wondering about Ted Kennedy's responsibility in the death of his secretary. No wondering if President Kennedy slept with Marilyn Monroe. This list is endless.

Congress would be more effective, because there would be less time spent covering their own behinds and making themselves look good. There would be less division between the parties because political gain would not be the motivation of those in power. After all, no one could tell the public that world domination was their aim and still get elected, right? We would have a government that truly cared for and looked out for the needs and freedoms of the people they served. Who can really say how much difference that would make?

Of course, I could be wrong. This kind of question can go either way. Honesty could save us, or it could usher in the apocalypse. It's impossible to tell. It kind of reminds me of those science fiction movies where the hero goes back in time. You know the scenario-- you move one rock in the past and the future is forever altered.

A Few Pictures of My Kids

2005-07-12T09:23:00.000-07:00

Vacation Log

2005-07-11T09:53:00.000-07:00

Now that I've answered the tag about my reading list, I'll tell everyone about my vacation.

My husband's step-grandfather, Finn, died Friday, July 1st after about a month of suffering in the last stages of cancer. The funeral was last Sunday. It's always interesting to spend time with my husband's family. They are an interesting collection of people. I have tons of respect for many of them and some of them, well let's just say the best comment I can come up with is YIKES!

My husband's family is from a little tee-tiny place called Davy, West Virginia. His grandmother divorced his grandfather when his dad was 12 and so his father has (let's see if I can tally this up right) one full brother, 4 full sisters (one deceased), a step-brother (deceased), three
step-sisters (one deceased), three half-sisters, and one adopted brother (who is also a nephew). Can you see why West Virginians get accused on in-breeding? No one can keep track of who is related to who.

None of these people were blood relatives of Finn's and few of them were ever very close to him, even before he became a heavy drinker, so it kind of felt like burying a goldfish. I'm not trying to trivialize his death, it was just an odd feeling.

The rest of the week was basically spent at home with my girls. Marley wore panties the entire week, with few accidents. I hope we're turning the potty-training corner. She's in panties at day-care for the first time today.

I discovered that my favorite time of day to play with Laney is right after her nap, before Marley is awake. She is truly a sweet little creature when she doesn't have to compete for my attention. She's a bit mommy-obsessed otherwise. She also loves instant Cheese Grits. Of course, you almost have to take a bath with her to clean up the mess she makes with them.

I am allergic to wasp stings. I was stung last Wednesday afternoon and my thigh literally looked like a hamburger patty by Wednesday night. I'm glad to say that it is healing, but I was really worried about it for awhile.

We also discovered that Marley is a big fan of the Water Park. My sister-in-law and I took our children there last Thursday. While Laney clung to Mommy and took quite a while to get used to the water, Marley was full-steam ahead. I almost had to drag her out of the place when it was time to go home.

Saturday night, my in-laws kept the kids overnight. Lewis and I had a chance to spend some time at home together and it was nice. It was kind of like the old days before the kids came along--except for all the baby pictures on the living room walls. It's weird how much you look forward to times like that alone, and then miss the kids so much when the moment actually comes. We rushed back to pick them up on Sunday and enjoyed time in the pool with them during the afternoon.

Now I have to get back to work. Have a nice day!

Tag . . .

2005-07-11T08:21:00.000-07:00

Well, back from vacation and after trying to plow through the posts and comments on my favorite blogs, I'm having to respond to this tag thing.

Okay, 1st--Number of books I own--
Not sure as to the actual specific number--I'll just say alot. I was an English major in college and I kept all the books relating to my major. (Please forgive any grammatical errors on my part. That was a long time ago and I have two children that were born in the same year. I don't have half my brain anymore.) I'll just say that I have hundreds of books, although I don't know where they all are.

2nd--The last book I read--
I'm actually working on The Last of How it Was by T. R. Pearson. This is the third in a series by the same author. These are lighthearted novels, basically focusing on the quirks of small Southern towns, except for the second in this series which is a Bonnie and Clyde kind of story.

3rd--The last book I purchased--
I ordered The Lord of the Rings trilogy from Amazon awhile back, along with some books on philosophy of the same.

4th--My 5 favorite fiction books (in no particular order)
1. Animal Farm
2. A Short History of A Small Place (The first in the series by Pearson)
3. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (Does this count as one or three?)
4. The Cider House Rules or The World According To Garp (I don't agree with his politics but I have a load of respect for John Irving's talent).
5. Til We Have Faces (Thanks Diana, for reminding me.)

5th--I'm supposed to tag 5 more people. But I think I'll just be "It" for awhile.

2005-07-01T09:31:00.000-07:00

I've debated all day about whether or not I should do this. I promised the person that got me thinking about all this that I would no longer respond to his comments. However, I have to state a few things about what I believe, and why some people will never be able to understand what I believe.

See, it's not just that I believe in God, I have a relationship with God. He's not just some foggy, sketchy, outer space phenomenon to me. We've met. We've talked--me to Him and Him to me. He's not my imaginary friend and there are enough people in the world today that also have this kind of relationship for me to know that I'm not crazy for thinking this. Someone who has never had this kind of relationship with God cannot possibly understand and those who do have this kind of relationship know exactly what I'm talking about.

I'm stating this because recently it has become clear to me that some who don't believe in God seem to think that those of us that do are weak, mindless sheep. They hold that Christians simply do what they are told, and are therefore controlled by those in positions of power. They think that our pastors feed us lies and propaganda to keep us from upsetting the balance of power or noticing the REAL problems in our country.

I will never be able to convince the person that made this clear to me that I'm anything more than a mindless sheep, because they don't understand the relationship. What they will never quite grasp is that I'm not just going on what someone told me to believe. God has revealed these things to me through my life's journey. They were not handed down to me on a scroll. Even though I was raised in a Christian home (Pastor's family), I didn't inherit my faith. I developed it through pursuing God on my own.

God is more real every day. He was there the day I walked the aisle in my father's church when I was six years old. He was at the party where I met my husband. He was certainly with us the day we got married. He is with me every time one of my children cries out in the night and He will be with me the day that I die. That's God's promise to those who believe. He's with us all the way. He's especially with us when people don't understand us, or call us weak.

So, if atheists think I'm crazy for being a Christian, let them. I don't understand where they are coming from either. I'm just glad that I don't have to be on my own when I make a mistake, or need comfort. I've always got a friend there--just a prayer away.

May everyone that reads this have a great week next week. I'll be on vacation.

I Need a Remote Control for my Life.

2005-06-29T07:34:00.000-07:00

I'm serious. I need a rewind, fast-forward, pause, and especially a mute button for my life. Sometimes I even need tracking adjustment. It would also help to be able to adjust the camera angles a little sometimes. That way I could avoid mistakes like I'm about to tell you about.

Yesterday evening, my husband and I went to my father-in-laws for a visit. My kids love to visit their grandparents, so mostly the visit was for their benefit. However, my husband's step-grandfather, Finn, (who lives next door to my inlaws) is in the final stages of cancer, so we did check on him as well.

Well, we had eaten supper and we were relaxing on the porch. It was raining, so we were trying our best to keep the children from running around in the yuck. After Marley and Laney had eaten, I gave each of them a popsicle.

Here's where the trouble begins. Marley finished the first popsicle and wanted another. I gave her a second one, but when she asked for a third I said, "No." Well, a few minutes later, my brother-in-law drove up. His wife is a LPN and so she and my husband's aunt decided they would go in and try to change the bed for Finn and check his vitals, etc. They didn't want the children in there while they did this, so Hazel (that's Lewis' grandmother) gave my brother-in-law's kids a popsicle to keep them occupied. Well, Marley asked again and I said, "No." She cried and went to my father-in-law, who then gave her the rest of Laney's second popsicle. She walked by me with this popsicle and I took it from her. She, of course, burst into tears and ran back to my in-laws.

Now, here is what I did right about the situation. I said no and I stuck to it. I don't want Marley and Laney to be the kind of kids that don't understand what no means, or think that you only have to ask the right number of times to get a positive response. I also showed my father-in-law that when I tell my kids something, I expect it to stick, even if he thinks differently. I also set a limit for Marley that I felt was appropriate and expected others to understand that limit.

Here is what I did wrong and wish that I could rewind to--I shouldn't have taken the third popsicle away from Marley. I should have been easier on her because she is only two years old and none of what happened probably made any sense to her. Marley is too young to understand the principle of the matter, she only knows that I took the popsicle away from her. That must seem very mean of Mommy to take away what Pa-Pa gave her. If I could rewind to that moment I would re-live it differently.

I should have let her keep it, and addressed the real issue with my father-in-law later. But that moment is gone. The best I can really do now, is to remember that my perspective of things is not the only one in these situations. I need to look at stuff like this from all sides, especially Marley's side or Laney's side. How they perceive things should be a lot more important to me that it was last night.

The real kicker of all of this is--Even though Marley didn't understand what I did, she forgave me. She forgave me before I could even blink. Not ten minutes later I was taking her to the potty and I told her I was sorry I had to tell her no. She looked me right in the eye and said, "I love you, Mommy." and gave me a kiss. That's the beauty of children, without being taught, they know how to forgive.

I guess if you could pause at moments like those, it would be easier to remember to be more tender with these fragile little people.

For my Grandmother

2005-06-24T05:43:00.000-07:00

She grew up as an only child. The only sibling she had was born years before she was and only lived an hour or two. Her playmates were her cousins and she envied their big families. She told me once that someone advised her not to have a family right away after she got married, so that she would have some time with her husband. She didn't listen.

She had been a beautiful young woman. She had dated quite a bit for a young lady who married at the age of 16. She had my father at 17 and a baby every two years thereafter until she had six children. At the sixth child (my aunt Edie) she paused for about 5 years and then had two more, again two years apart. The remarkable thing is that the doctor told her she shouldn't try to have anymore children after my father. She obviously didn't listen.

But she was worth listening to. Grandaddy died when I was six. I remember him being a very light-hearted sort of person. I always loved to stay at their house. Even after he died I loved to go to Grandma's. I remember her telling me one night when I was scared and couldn't sleep (I must have been about 8), that I shouldn't be afraid. She then showed me Psalms 4:8--"I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, Lord, only makest me dwell in safety." I have since remembered that verse so many times when I was scared or unsure. What a precious treasure to know that when I needed reassurance, Grandma taught me to turn to the Bible!

From an early age I could sit and talk with Grandma for hours. We never ran out of anything to talk about. I rarely agreed with her political views, but I always understood that her beliefs came from a pure heart.

She adored babies. She knew so much about them. Shortly after Laney was born, she showed up at my mother's one Sunday afternoon, just hoping to catch us there so she could hold the baby. It's one of the things I'll always treasure, that Laney was the youngest great-grandchild when Grandma died.

She had a way of loving a person so that they really felt loved. She didn't have to tell you she loved you, but she did. I was one of 20 grandchildren--I always felt like I was special. Fact is, we all did. She was that kind of person. She knew how to love people.

It's been almost a year now since we lost Grandma. She broke her hip and never recovered. She had remarried my senior year in high school and her husband stayed by her side to the very end. When we buried her next to my Grandfather, it was like he gave her back to him. It was a sweet transition, one I'll never forget.

I miss her and think of her every day. Her advice, and her love follow me even now. I hope that when I come to the end of my life, I can leave the kind of legacy she has.

I've been through about 10 topics today . . .

2005-06-23T12:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not landing on anything. However, I am tired of the controversy I'm seeing on a lot of other blogs, so I'm going to try to steer clear of politics and religion. This means I probably won't have any comments on this one, but I can handle that.

Instead, a view of my life this week--

My husband (for his Father's Day present) finally gathered the last piece of the puzzle needed to change the cam in his truck. So, early Saturday morning we struck out for his brother's house to get started on the project. He wanted to start Friday night but I made him wait because we already had plans.

He worked all day Saturday, all day Sunday, Monday evening after work, and Tuesday evening after work. It was running fine yesterday, but today he calls me and it broke down at lunch. I'm still waiting to hear whether or not I need to pick him up from work today and what the garage he took it to is going to charge us.

This garage bill is a very annoying thing to me. My husband believes that no matter how hard we work to get ahead financially, the light at the end of the tunnel is always a train. I'm starting to agree with him. Let me say in regard to this though, we have everything we need and I'm thankful. The two healthy little girls that sleep down the hall from us are proof enough that we are blessed.

Speaking of my little miracles--Marley is steady on the path to becoming a potty trained individual. I'm very proud. When I think about this I always wonder, "what was I like to potty train?" I know my parents trained me early because I don't remember anything about it. However, when I talk to my mother about Marley's progress she always says, "Well, she's not even 2 1/2 yet." I know Mom is trying to keep me from losing my patience, but I thought that's about when everyone gets potty trained. I have a nephew who started training at 18 months (he did reasonably okay) and a neice who didn't train until she was nearly 3 years old (she did marvelously). So I figure 2 1/2 is about the right time to really push this and it's starting to click.

Last night while I was washing dishes, Marley kept bringing me toys that needed baths. It started with her plastic dinosaur and just grew from there. After a little bit, I had a whole sinkful of plastic toys. It's very interesting having a little kid around. It reminded me of how my mother used to complain that Grandma would clean out her refrigerator anytime you washed dishes at her house. You'd stand there, washing and washing and washing, thinking you were almost through and then random bowls would start to appear. Last, you'd have to wash the scrap bowl after Grandaddy took out the scraps.

Laney finally slept through the night for once this week. Night before last I didn't know what I was going to do with her. I could lay her down thinking she was fast asleep, crawl into bed, and shut my eyes, only to open them immediatly at the sound of her cries. I stumbled through the maze of small toys to get to her room (without injury) and soothed her again. But it was like the shampoo label--Lather, rinse, repeat.

I think I could sleep better if the fan in our room didn't always sound like a baby faintly crying down the hall. I jump up about once a night and walk about five steps from our bedroom door only to realize it's just my imagination. I know Lewis thinks I've lost my mind.

My parents are in Nashville for the SBC. They asked Dwayne to feed the cat and pick the squash. He called to offer me some squash today, but I forgot to go by and get it at lunch. I'll try to pick it up this afternoon if I don't have to go get Lewis from work. Then I'll fry some tonight! YUMMMM!

There's my life this week. Hope everyone out there's having a good one.

A Question

2005-06-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

My blog is now linked through several other blogs. I have not yet developed the technology to acheive linking other blogs to mine. When I asked my brother how to accomplish this, he says he just asks his wife. Since I don't have a wife--only a husband who is less computer-savvy than I am--I was wondering if someone could help me.

Thanks in advance.

What's Missing from Church?

2005-06-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

What's missing from our churches these days? I hear it every day, everywhere, all the time. People are bemoaning the fact that our churches are not growing. There is no spirit in them. There is no life. No fire. I have only one answer, the one thing missing from MOST churches today is God.

I work in a church on a daily basis. I attend a church (a different one) on a weekly basis. I believe the Bible and I love the Lord. So I am heartbroken to say that what is missing, what we need most, is God's presence in our churches.

Why is He not there anymore? We quit inviting Him a long time ago. Christians got caught up in the packaging. We want catchy hymns or praise songs. We want the flowers to look "just so." We want to sit still and quiet and never say, "Amen." Or we want to say, "Amen" and make someone else feel that they should have. We want to have ceremonies to honor our former pastors, our youth and those who have worked with the G. A.'s. We want to make sure our ministers are paid handsomely and told often how appreciated they are for their service. We want to start an early service and cancel a late one. We want to keep up with what other churches are doing. We want to have programs for our children and youth and senior adults so they can be busy. I hear so much of these plans and activities and methods, but rarely do I notice people saying, "I just want to know God better" or "I just want to praise Him."

God wants to bless our churches. God loves our churches and wants them to grow. But so much of our focus right now is on ourselves or our children that we don't focus on Him. Anytime you hear someone say, "If I don't do this, no one will," perhaps it's something that shouldn't take place at all. Do we prayerfully consider what curriculum we will follow? Or are we just operating out of habit? Do we have R. A.'s because we always have had R. A.'s? Or because God wants us to have R. A.'s?

We should not have church for church's sake. Whatever the church does should be for God's glory, not for the sake of anyone else. Until we recognize that, we will be waiting for an awakening that will never come. Church should not be something to keep us occupied. It should exist to allow God to occupy us!

"If my people . . . "

Now for a Poem

2005-06-22T11:05:00.000-07:00

The river flowed sure & strong & deep & fast
Throughout the valley, around the bend until the ocean it met at last.
It's tributaries fed it well along its way-each one unique
The trees bending along each bank, nodding with breezes their praise to speak.
Never a falter in its course, never a moment of doubt or fear,
Never a day when the water shrank at the sound of footsteps drawing near.
But confidence and surity paled the day the mighty builders came.
Building a dam strong & sure--leaving the river never the same.
So we travel life's course in steady stream finding nothing barring the path.
Happily flowing and following our dreams, ignoring all obstacles--daring to laugh.
Until the day we wake to find an impenetrable object blocking the way
Pooling our might against its strength, bidding us always to stop & stay.
So it is with the unfulfilled dream, with loss of hope and passage of years
We rush at the wall--roar at it--yet, all that remains is a pool of tears.

The War

2005-06-21T12:01:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to me to see how strongly people feel about the War in Iraq. Let me start by saying that the troops that are involved in this conflict are truly heroes. We should thank God every day that they are willing to fight for us, whether they agree with the reasons or not. Now that I have said that, I want to say a few things about why I believe this war is justified.

First of all, America is a precious country. Nowhere else on earth are there so many ideas and is there so much freedom of expression. This blog is proof that whether or not you have something to say, you have the room to say it. We have alot of freedoms here that others do not enjoy. Therefore, I believe that we should do everything in our power to protect that freedom.

Saddam may not have had a gun to our heads literally, but give him time. I hear alot of people screaming about how wrong the President was to bring us into this, but I don't hear anybody trying to tell me what a good guy Saddam Hussein really is. They didn't find any WMD's. So what! Can you honestly tell me you believe he wouldn't nuke us on a whim? Even if he didn't have any of those weapons, he did evil things to his own people. Do we really believe he wouldn't do his best to annihilate us if given the chance? Saddam would have invaded this country in a heartbeat if he thought he could win. Then where would be?

Now, I know that we can't go to war with every country that dislikes us. But in this situation, we were also hoping to liberate some of the people Saddam was oppressing. We also needed to clean up what we didn't finish in the first war. If Saddam had done what he was supposed to we wouldn't have gone there. But he ignored the rules. If I tell my two-year-old that I'm going to to punish her if she does a particular thing, I better follow through or she will take advantage of me. This is the same equation. If you don't follow the rules, you're gonna get spanked.

Let's look at this objectively. The Bush-haters out there tell us that the President sold us a lie. That there never were any WMD's and that our troops are sacrificing their lives because Bush has some reason for needing a war. If we had not gone to war, and Saddam had attacked us, I guess that would be President Bush's fault too.

Why do they think Bush needs this war so badly? It's not making him more popular. From where I stand, he has fallen under far more harsh criticism due to this than anything else he has done.

It's also about time to show the world that America is not going to put up with just anything. We were attacked on 9/11 but we need to show the world that we're not going to lay down and die. Fighting the war in Iraq showed the world that if you're going to come at us, "you'd better have your mess in a pile" (that's quoting my brother).

What amazes me is how long we waited to go to war. If Bush was really such a hot-head about this thing we wouldn't have ridden the fence for six months before we actually engaged. People don't remember that part of it, but I do. I was expecting my first child then and I remember wondering every day when war would come and what it would mean. People that encouraged Bush to wait then are now the same ones wanting to pull out of Iraq before the time is right. They are the same people who will blame Bush if things fall apart over there in six months.

For once, it would sure be nice for people to trust the elected leader of our country and stop trying to find any excuse they can to call him a liar.

I'm Angry.

2005-06-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

Today's WOMAN to WOMAN column in the local paper displayed the sheer egotism of the pro-choice viewpoint. And I'm mad about it.

I'm always angered a little bit by the abortion issue. Abortion is, in my mind, an atrocity. There are so many people in this world who want children that any time one is wasted to abortion is simply horrible to me.

Don't give me the scientific crap either about how it's not really a baby and when life actually begins. People can have babies at 25 and 26 weeks after conception that live. Medical technology has fought a long fight to save these children. And the only difference in these pre-mature miracles and aborted babies is whether or not the parents want them. Excuse me, but that's bull. A baby is a baby is a baby. Regardless of age, location or what anyone else thinks they are, we are talking about human beings. Living human beings.

Which is why the discussion of the rights of pharmacists to refuse prescriptions for the abortion pill (in the paper today) makes my skin crawl. Doctors have the right to refuse to perform abortions. Pharmacists should have that same right.

Before I go on let me quote the feminist idiot who managed to get me stirred up this way--
"We never hear about pharmacists objecting to Viagra refills. Men can go wild, but women are denied the same sexual freedom."

No we are not. We have every bit the same sexual freedom men do without the option of abortion. Isn't it a bit irresponsible to put Viagra and the abortion pill in the same category? We're comparing freedom to perform the act with freedom to destroy the consequences. Obtaining Viagra does not imply that a man is unwilling to care for the woman involved or the resulting children.

Let me quote again--"Should a woman with a high-risk pregnancy be turned down because a pharmacist has determined a fetus' life is more valuable that hers? I doubt moralists would have objections if it was their own child suffering."

Let's turn that question around. Should a woman pre-disposed to high-risk pregnancies abstain from sexual relations? There are a large number of contraceptives available at this time that are reasonably risk free. Shouldn't a woman in this position take the responsibility of checking into that? I know it's not a fool-proof answer, but I believe that freedom to choose is not something you can or should have after the fact. Your choice is made when you have sex.

Beside that, women who have children will tell you that their lives are not as important as their children's lives. This is argument turns completely around if you are talking about a three-year- old. The same woman who just called a baby a fetus in the quote above, would tell you that her children (if she has any, which I doubt) are the most perfect people in the world. If one of my darling daughters became pregnant and had to suffer a high-risk pregnancy, I would support them. But I would not choose my child over my grandchild, or vise-versa. (By the way, what kind of term is "moralist." Shouldn't we all be moral? Is she implying that she is amoral? I already knew she was, but she admits it!)

Granted, you don't always know if you're going to have a high risk pregnancy. Sometimes you just do. But the high-risk pregnancy is not the point being argued. Pro-choice advocates want us to believe that abortion protects the raped, the high-risk, and otherwise helpless victims of pregnancy. In reality, it is a matter of convenience and an attempt to escape the consequences of bad choices-A point that is emphasized by the Viagra comment above.

This is not about pharmacists refusing to dispense life-saving drugs. If we were discussing a pill that cures cancer or diabetes, you could point a finger at the pharmacists that didn't want to give it out. But this is a drug that is specifically manufactured to kill unborn babies. It doesn't promote life. It's death in a bottle.

Shouldn't that bother all of us?

My Thoughts on the Innocence of Michael Jackson

2005-06-14T06:01:00.000-07:00

It must seem like a beautiful morning today for old Wacko Jacko. I bet his breakfast tastes better than it has in months. I bet he got up and watched the sunrise. I bet he thanked God about a hundred times last night before he went to bed--for the verdict in his favor, for the circumstantial evidence, for the haughty and case-killing testimony of the accuser's mother, for the beauty of a poorly prosecuted case.

Our justice system is beautiful thing. If you can convince a jury not to trust the people who are after you, you're home-free. Nevermind that you are obviously a sick and twisted individual. Nevermind that you tried every lame excuse you could think of to avoid appearing in court. Nevermind that you admitted on television that you like to sleep with children. Nevermind any of that, just make the jury HATE the prosecution and you will be acquitted.

I believe that Michael Jackson is innocent in only one way--he is a stark-raving lunatic. In fact, that's the defense that should have been used anyway. It's the logical one. I can't imagine why he didn't plead insanity in the first place. Of course, this way keeps him out of the loony-bin a couple more years. I firmly believe that Michael Jackson belongs in a nut-house and listed below are my reasons.

His childhood was filled with a strange kind of indulgent and abusive drama. For years, I believed that Jacko's father had him castrated at a young age to protect the golden pipes. To this day, I have my questions about the true paternity of his children. Aside from that, at the very least, the combination of world-wide fame and an abusive father would do monstrously bad things to your psyche.
The number of plastic surgeries this man has had indicates not just an obsession with his looks but also an addiction. I believe this to be one of many addictions he habors. After all, this is not the first molestation charge that has been brought against him. If he is not presently addicted to some form of presciption drug, I feel sure he has been at one time. He is addicted to attention at the very least and that is what drives him to do some of the ridiculous things he has done in the past several years--i.e. holding his baby over the edge of a balcony.
Neverland Ranch and the fascination with all things related to childhood proove that he is prone to delusion. This is further proven by the fact that he believes he could still have a successful career in showbusiness. Face it, there will never be another hit single for him at least here in America. He doesn't have a market here.
This may not prove insanity, but the fact that he made the statement about sleeping with children, at least indicates stupidity. This fact is further emphasized by his attempts to avoid appearing in court. If you have nothing to hide, ACT LIKE IT.

I feel sorry for the jurors in this case this morning. To much of the world, they are the ones that let a child molestor go free. It really isn't their fault so much though. The only thing they are really guilty of is not demanding that Jacko get the psychological help that he needs. If this case had been presented well, you would see a different headline this morning. It's not quite the perversion of justice that the O. J. Simpson case was. But as one of my friends stated this morning, at least with the O. J. Simpson case, you feel reasonably sure he will not kill again. With Jacko, there will always be someone crazy enough to believe that their children are safe with him. And if not, he has children of his own.

I Hate Mondays. . .

2005-06-13T06:47:00.000-07:00

Marley & Laney are so sleepy on Monday mornings. They both slept through the night last night and were reluctant to wake up for school today. Laney rolled around on the blanket Lewis put down for her on the floor and did the baby version of "Five More Minutes, Mom!" while I was getting her and Marley ready. Marley wouldn't hold her head up long enough for me to fix her a decent pony tail so she went off to school a little lop-sided.

I've been at work almost three hours now. I've accomplished about fifteen minutes worth of work. It's a Monday. I'm going to stop wasting time in a little bit and go to lunch.

I went to a wedding this weekend. I don't remember whose wedding I went to last. I know I don't remember whose wedding Lewis went to with me last. It may have been Jane's. That was like 5 years ago. I remember it because he turned to me at the reception and said "You look really good today." That's a very unusual comment for my husband to make, especially in public.

Anyway, the wedding this weekend was my cousin's. She married the guy she's been dating since she was 12. How do relationships like that work? I don't know how you would know you had the right person if you had never dated ANYONE else. I know some couples like that. To a degree my parents are like that, but it still makes me wonder.

I'm kind of thankful that Lewis played the field a bit before I came along. When he made his decision to marry me, it kind of made me feel like he chose me. I don't know that I would feel that way if we had been together that long.

Another weird thing about this wedding--My grandmother's maiden name was Hester. She married a Johnson. Her daughter, the bride's mother, married a Jackson. The bride for this wedding, married a Hester. He's not related (that I know of) but it's still a little spooky. The wheel goes around again.

Well, I guess I'll stop rambling and get back to work. Have a nice day!
___________________________________________________________________
OOPS! I forgot about a very important wedding that I went to almost 2 years ago. One that I was in no less. Michael & Diana, I am truly sorry I forgot about that. I think I blocked that year of my life when I was pregnant with Laney from my memory. No offense to you, I had just been pregnant for about eighteen months at that time.

You know, they say that a woman's brain shrinks when she is pregnant. Mine shrunk down when I was expecting Marley and started to return to normal size when I had her. Then Laney came along and my brain said, "Forget it. She just wants me to stay this size."

Again I apologize. May I be whipped unmercifully with a wet noodle.

Three Cheers for My Husband

2005-06-10T05:50:00.000-07:00

I just realized that I have not written anything on this blog about the wonderful man I married. We've been married for six years now and some would say that my lack of information on him stems from that fact. I don't want you be confused though, he's not just part of the furniture. Although, there are times when I'm afraid the furniture is becoming part of him.

He's not a romantic man. He's never been a romantic man. Non-romantic people do not suddenly wake up one morning being romantic. He will never become romantic, and I can depend on that.

He will always wait until the last minute to buy gifts for me on special occasions. He would site the reason as just not knowing what to get me, but it's really that he's just not romantic.

He will never throw a ton of flowery compliments my way. He's not going to jump to meet me at the door when I come in from work, and he may not kiss me near as much as I would like for him to.

BUT--Lots of times when I come in from work there will be cold Dr. Pepper waiting for me on the counter. He likes to come up behind me and kiss my neck while I am washing dishes or cooking supper. Plus, he gets up and goes to work everyday. He cooks supper about twice a week and he gives the children their baths about three times a week.

He is always patient with the kids. He believes in sharing all the wonders of this world with them. And I will always have memories of things like the days that he would sit for hours holding one of the girls while they slept. I'm not talking about times when they are sick or restless. These were (and are) times when he just needed to hold them. During those times, it hits home that we are in this thing together. He is just as wrapped up in those two little girls as I am.

He's dependable. He gives me stability and I know I can trust him. So what if he never takes me dancing. We are wrapped up in the dance of our busy lives and he leads me, step by step, every day. No, he's not romantic. But he is in love and he's not alone. I'm right there with him.

Just a note--

2005-06-10T05:46:00.000-07:00

If you have never read anything by T. R. Pearson, go directly RIGHT NOW to your local bookstore and pick up anything they have by him.

Oh, and pay for it too.

Let's All Throw a "Christian Party"

2005-06-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

Headline this morning on MSN--"Dean Defends View of GOP as 'Christian Party.'" It's time to stop the insanity.

Let's start with the fact that Dean was name-calling in the first place. The first rule of public speaking should be to never deal in absolutes. You cannot say that a political party is made up of entirely one demographic. It's like those tricky questions they give you on I.Q. tests. "If all snerks are snerds but not all snerts are snerds, is Howard Dean still an idiot?" Yes.

He was wrong to say such a thing in the first place. But he's even more stupid to try to take it back. I believe that a law should be passed that if you say something stupid, you should not be allowed to even try to take it back or apologize in anyway. If you have the capacity for idiocy, you should have to bear the consequences of idiocy. Also, if you say something brilliant (hypothetically) but it offends someone, by golly, you ought have the balls (excuse the expression) to say, "Tough. Get over yourself."

In response to Mr. Dean's comments, I am appalled that being a white Christian is such an awful thing these days. I am appalled that Dean, admittedly a "white Christian," is so ashamed of those two facts himself. I guess its okay to believe anything as long as it's not the Bible or the resurrection of Christ. It's okay to be any race, except white. If you are one of those unlucky people, don't let yourself associate with enough others like you to become a majority anywhere. That would be wrong.

Diversity is going to be the downfall of our nation. Hear me out. When you start pandering to everyone and don't truly stand for anything you are headed down the path to destruction. That's what happens when someone becomes afraid that they will offend someone by standing up for what they believe.

How refreshing it would be to have someone make a comment and dare to say, "I don't care who doesn't like it." What good is the 1st Ammendment if we don't have the guts to use it?

"Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken."--Tyler Durden (Fight Club)

2005-06-07T05:07:00.000-07:00

Right on Tyler! I couldn't agree more. Most people today are sticking feathers up their butts and believing that they are chickens. We are not unique snowflakes.

This is the biggest manufactured LIE that has ever been told. From the time I was a very small child I was told how special I was. What no one was telling me was that every other child my age was being told the same thing. Then, all of a sudden they send us to school. They put us all in a room together and we started to notice (those of us who were smart enough) that we were all the same. But chiefly, that not one of us was special and all of us thought we were.

Now there are people that never discover this truth. Basically it's flawed logic. Not everyone can be special because if we all are then nobody is. The people that still believe that they are special tend to be those who expect special privileges.

These are the people who, in spite of their selfish, pathetic, greed-driven lives, still believe that they are better than the rest of us. I have a "friend" who just finalized a divorce from a man she never wanted to be married to, never treated right, and on whom she blames the divorce. She has custody of their child, who she leaves in the care of her mother most of the time while she goes out partying every night of the week. She works a part-time job, goes to college and lives at home with her parents. She is 26 years old. It's time to stop being a teenager. But does she know this? No. Because she is special. She is better than everyone she knows. So much better in fact, that she doesn't feel she should have to work a full-time job, or support herself or her daughter. She is so special that she feels it is okay to lie about anything and everything to everyone. It's the saddest thing I've ever seen. I've never known anyone who knew less about who they were.

To a degree, most people need to realize that they are not special. It keeps you humble and helps you realize the value in work. Alot of the problems with America's youth stem from the belief that they are above work. Why are they above work? Because they are so special!

Of course, I can understand why parents fall into this trap. When you have a child, you do believe that they are special in many ways. However, we need to be careful in how the message gets to our children. After all, there is a difference between being unique and being better than others. We should celebrate uniqueness, without teaching our children to be biggotted snots.

Have a nice day!

News from the Trenches (or Potty Training 101)

2005-06-03T05:33:00.000-07:00

Would you like to hear how potty training my two-year old is going? Okay. I'll tell you.

Not great.

She's a very smart child and she knows the principal. She will even tell you, (at the dinner table, at your mom's house) that big girls go pee-pee in the doddy. (that's "potty" for those of you who do not speak two-year-old) and babies go pee-pee in a diapa ("diaper").

Here's where the problem comes in. Her 1 year old sister gets to wear a diaper and has absolutely no potty responsibilities. So why should one be expected to do what the other is not? My two-year old has figured this out. She's not budging.

My baby, on the other hand, has decided that the potty is absolutely fascinating. It's great to splash in and put shoes in and rinse your toys off in. Just a great place to play, until the Mommy-monster finds you and goes into a fit of "Oh no, Laaaaaaaaneeeeeeey! UGGGH!" and scolds and spanks and washes you and whatever you have decided to bathe there.

The reason she has the freedom to slip off and do this is because she is as quick as lightning. So, we have to shut the bathroom door to keep her out of there. That's easy enough, but then Marley will have to pee and she can't open the door yet. Yet another difficulty in parenting children so close in age (11 months).

Last week, I talked to a mother of a little girl who is one-month older than Marley. Her little girl is completely trained. "I just started putting her on the potty when she started walking," she says to me. Well, isn't that just where I made my mistake? Marley was 9-months-old when she started walking and I was 7 months pregnant. Potty training wasn't high on my list of priorities at that time.

The other answer I hear all the time is just to wait and train them together. Laney is not ready for that. Plus, I can just imagine how that will go. Double your accidents, double your fun!

I should give Marley credit. She is making progress. Last weekend she wore panties all weekend long with only one or two accidents. She even remembered to tell my mother-in-law she needed to go to the potty when she was playing in the pool. That's something that even big kids don't do all the time.

I know it won't be long until this will just be a memory. It's hard to wait for your children to accomplish things like this though. It reminds me of the weeks we waited for Marley and Laney to begin walking. Everyday you wonder if it will be the day that they finally take those first steps. And when they finally take off, you can't even remember what it was like before.

Tides of Luck

2005-06-02T05:40:00.000-07:00

My sunday school teacher is always saying that her life is not run by tides of luck. Luck is such a natural human inclination, isn't it? We believe that someone is lucky if they live in a big house or drive a fancy car or basically, have anything we would like to have but don't.

But luck is really not a reality, is it? No one is born lucky. Most people born with wealth will have to do some amount of work (or at least some financial planning) in order to keep that wealth. Most people born without those advantages have opportunities along the way to acquire such things (to some extent).

The sunday school teacher mentions this when she talks about God's providence. Sometimes, I'm not even so sure we can trust that. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying I don't trust God. But I do have a lot of questions. The Bible says that God is working out his plan for good for those that love him. I've seen a lot of people who love the Lord have to go through some very tough things. How can God be working for good for everyone who loves him? Good for some is bad for others. We believe in fairness. But God is not fair. In the afterlife, we all have the same shot, but in this one there is no fairness.

And that's where our logic sometimes fails. My children are not even three years old yet and they believe in fairness. I cannot give something to one of them that I don't give to the other. I can't punish one for something and let the same thing slide with the other. They won't accept that. That's why I feel that I can question God a little bit on this one. He has made us to expect fairness, but He doesn't give it to us.

I have two beautiful children. I love them unconditionally. I want the very best for them. I can't afford to provide that all the time. My boss has two children that have never had to wait for anything. They will have all of the advantages that children with money have. They will go to college. They will have a car when they are sixteen. They will always have anything they want.
And as hard as I try, my children will likely not have all those comforts. That's not fair.

However, my having two children is not fair either. Recently, a couple at the church where I work had twins that were born extremely premature--a boy and a girl. They had tried for years to have children with no success. The boy will likely live, but with cerebal palsey. The girl died night before last. That's not fair. These are good people. At least as nice as I am. They are faithful to their church, hard workers and able to provide a home beyond anything I can ever give my children. But here they are, not only unable to have a normal child, but steeped in all this PAIN of losing one and raising a diabled one. It's just not fair. And they have a right to be mad about it. Don't you think?

No, it's not wise to trust tides of luck. And what God promises us is this--He will be with us what ever happens and it will all turn out right in the end. Beyond that, we're on our own.